If you’re in a steady relationship for a long time, chances are you’ve faced those inevitable periods of ennui and tedium that we all have – when there seems to be nothing new, nothing exciting and nothing fresh in the relationship anymore, when you both feel you know each other too well to discover anything new and exciting about each other, when the relationship feels more like a habit than a connection of the souls of two people in love.
If you’re looking for a way out of this relationship rut, here are 11 proven strategies to work your way out and make your relationship as new as your first date.
#1. Surprises Introduce Excitement in Relationships
A few days back when I returned from a vacation with my parents, my husband took me completely aback by meeting me at the airport (taking half a day off from work, poor thing). Going out of your way to make them feel special usually goes a long way in rekindling the feelings of excitement in the relationship.
#2. Romantic Texts and Ecards Make Your Relationship Feel New
Remember those first three months when you used to send “I’m sorry” and “I miss you” ecards to him/her every three and half days? And the sugary “I love you”s and “You’re looking cute today”s beeping on your cell phone every 10 minutes? Bring them back – nothing’s stopping you. Sending romantic ecards randomly every once in a while (NOT on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries – that totally kills it!) is a juvenile expression of excitement – and your relationship needs just that. So get busy on your first one for free, and start exchanging silly texts while you’re at it.
#3. Go Out on Dates for A Feeling of Freshness in Your Relationship
Remember the excitement and anticipation you used to feel while waiting for him/her on your first few dates? I bet you miss that feeling. Why not fix up a date sometime in a restaurant/park? The feeling of anticipation while waiting for seeing them will be worth it. Remember, during the date don’t talk about work and your usual everyday things – be a bit romantic, imaginative and fun. It’ll be a date which will last much beyond this evening and will spread warmth and freshness in the relationship.
#4. A Quick Word of Praise Makes Him/Her Feel New in the Relationship
Whenever you find sparks of those special qualities which initially drew you to them – praise them. This doesn’t mean thanking them for something they’ve done (like helping you with shopping, doing the chores around the house etc.). It means a genuine praise for qualities that they possess – beauty, intelligence, a caring heart – anything that makes them unique, and that you like about them. Appreciating them for these qualities shows that you still admire them and find them special. This goes a long way in keeping the spark alive.
#5. Doing Something Together Makes Your Relationship Exciting
Have you taken up a new hobby together? Do you have a little joint project which belongs only to the two of you and no one else? If not, take it up now! Creating something new together gives you something common to care for, thereby strengthening the bond between the two of you and working the excitement back into your relationship. Starting work on this website and blog together has brought me and Shubho closer than we’d imagined. It has helped us take our relationship to the next level.
#6. Conversations Keep Your Relationship Fresh
Sweet nothings are great for the first month of your relationship. After that you need to find common topics to talk about, though. Job, school or everyday life become hackneyed after a while. Engaging each other in a meaningful conversation about topics of common interest enriches both of you, and enlivens your relationship. My husband and I debate (and fight ferociously) about everything under the Sun all the time – from politics to movies to blogging!
#7. Getaways Spice up Your Relationship with Excitement
Outings – even small picnics – help break the monotony of everyday life and brings that breath of freshness and excitement back into the relationship. A physical change of your everyday settings provide an opportunity for connecting afresh. Especially if you’re leading a suffocating high pressure city life, you’ll find a weekend picnic to the countryside gives a fresh lease of life – to you as well as your connection with your partner.
#8. Having a Social Life Keeps Your Relationship Fresh by Breaking Monotony
Don’t spend all your time only with each other. After a certain stage in a relationship it’s easy to feel claustrophobic if you have practically no one in your lives except each other. Actively form a circle of common friends and have frequent get-togethers. This will help take sameness out and kick freshness into your relationship.
#9. Spending Some Time Apart Makes Your Relationship Feel New
Are you feeling bored in each other’s presence? It may be time to take a vacation – only not together. Take a trip with your buddies/girlfriends or visit your parents/relatives. Spend a few days away from each other. You’ll be surprised to find how much you miss the person you thought you were getting bored of. Giving yourselves an opportunity to miss each other works wonders in re-nourishing your relationship.
#10. Change Hangouts Frequently to Retain Freshness in Your Relationship
Don’t go to the same restaurants/hangouts always. It increases the sense of sameness and drudgery. Shubho and I tend to make this mistake ’cause we’re kinda running out of new hangouts that we like (so at the moment we’re concentrating on #7 instead).
#11. Find Innovative Ways of Connecting & Freshening up Your Relationship
Finally, nothing is final. The ways I’ve outlined above are only to get you started with new ideas for freshening up your relationship. Invent your own ways of reconnecting and try them out. Don’t forget to share them with me in the comments, though.