Love in India – Page 13 – Let's talk relationships

The Ideal Time to Propose to a Girl

You’ve probably heard of the famous love quote-“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.” Sure, if there’s a girl you’ve begun to like you should let her know. But when? Here are some telltale signs to look for before you propose her.

1.You’re not just another person in her life

Are you one of those guys who spend one month admiring their crush from a distance while she doesn’t even know you exist? If that is the case then now is certainly not the right moment to propose. You don’t think accepting a total stranger as your boyfriend/girlfriend is really cool, do you? Neither does she. So if she doesn’t know you right now, let her know you.

Photo by Darwin Bell

2. She’s friends with you

The best thing to do is to start with a ‘Hi!’ Ah you probably knew that one. Now all you have to do is to put it into action overcoming all your shyness. Start a conversation with her about trivial things. Your objective is to become friends with her-to create a situation where she’ll want to talk to you and she’ll crave your company.

3.She trusts you

Once again-forget about someone getting into a relationship with someone they don’t trust. If you propose to her before you’ve gained her trust chances are she’ll turn you down. So it’s not enough to be friends with her. You need to be in her inner circle-one of the top three. You must be the one she turns to when she needs help with something. You must be the one she likes to hang out with most often. In short, you need to ‘build it up’- cultivate a liking (not necessarily romantic) for you in her mind.

4. Something common

Find out about her interests and try to find something in common with her-something the two of you can talk about. If you really have nothing in common read up on her interests so that you can have a meaningful conversation about it. Of course, if you’ve met her at your school/college/workplace this point is irrelevant because you already have something in common which you can talk endlessly about. :D

Photo by noe**

5.You have the gut feeling

At the right time it’ll not be difficult for you to pick up the telltale signals. That smile that lights up her face when she sees you, that twinkle in her eyes…they’ll all tell you, “This is the right moment.” Go ahead and do it then. How? Check this out.

Top 5 First Date Mistakes Men Make

No. I was not going to forget half of humanity, or (sadly) more than half of Indians after yesterday’s post. So here goes.

1.Trying to be funny

Humor is such a b**ch. You either have it or you don’t. Whatever you do don’t try hard. If you do, the date becomes a highly un-enjoyable stretch of time both of you are wishing would end.

Photo by Humor Blog

2.Talking about yourself

Nothing puts a girl off more than this one. I hope your date is not stupid enough to have gone out with a guy she knows nothing about, so she knows how unique, special, fabulous and amazing you are. Well basically. Anything that you have to tell her is not worth mentioning. Now of course if she asks you about yourself it’s a different matter. But even in that case give information, don’t brag.

3.Not dressing properly

She has agreed to go out with you and spend an evening with you. You need to respect the importance she’s giving you. No, it’s not just women who need to look good. You do too. Don’t wear your college t-shirt to your first date. Use cologne (make sure it’s not women’s). And don’t go clean-shaven. A two-day stubble is best (according to studies.)

Photo by P_a_h

4.Pretending to be interested in what she has to say:

You may not be interested in some afternoon TV series. Just like she might not know what’s Formula 1. That’s fine. You can try to steer the conversation to different topics if she rambles on about something that’s making you fall asleep. But a great way to commit dating-harakiri is to pretend to be interested in something she’s saying while you’re actually not listening. You’ll invariably ask her about something she’s just explained and watch her smile falter.

5.Attempting to hold hands

Or worse-kiss! Holding hands is a gesture of an emotional connection. Not ideal material for a first date. And unless you want to earn the hatred of your date by “getting down to business” on a first date, don’t even think about attempting to kiss her!
Men are surely not so impeccable beings that the total number of first-date mistakes that they’ve ever made is five. I’ve listed down the most common (and most irritating) ones. Use the “Leave a Reply” thing below to add others.

30 First Date Do’s and Don’ts for Girls

A guy has just asked you out for a date and you don’t know what to do? Here are 30 tips to prepare you for the event.

1. Don’t go out on a date unless you’re ready for a relationship now.
2. Don’t go out on a date out of courtesy, i.e. if you’re not really interested in the guy.
3. Don’t go out on a date with a guy you know very little about. I don’t need to tell you how dangerous it can be.
4. Don’t wear something too revealing. You know what it signals.
5. Don’t wear too formal/gorgeous. You don’t want him to assume undue importance. ;)
6. Wear something you’re comfortable in. You don’t want to shiver all evening in your attempt to be sexy on a winter date.
7. Don’t wear too much makeup. That’s crass.
8. Don’t be ~~fashionably~~ late. No, it’s not fashionable at all (Not beyond the first 5 minutes anyway).
9. Don’t be nervous. He asked for it. (I hope. :P)
10. Smile.
11. Maintain eye contact. No one likes overly shy girls anymore.
12. Have a creative plan for the evening. The restaurant is not the only place you can go. Your favourite play, an exhibition or that antique coffee shop could be great for dates too.

Photo by kevindooley

13. Don’t suggest any of these before he asks. You’ll come across as overeager.
14. Don’t suggest an exuberantly expensive option if asked. He might insist on paying for everything in the end.
15. Don’t be shy if he tells you to choose the dishes and drinks. Go ahead.
16. Don’t drink too much. You don’t want to forget his name. During the date, that is.
17. Don’t leave your drink. You don’t know him. I don’t want to scare you but suffice it to say that it’s not advisable.
18. Don’t dribble food down your front. Okay I’m joking. :D

Photo by faith goble

19. Your objective is to have a great, engaging conversation. Steer towards that with everything you say.
20. Don’t ask him about his past relationships. Not the best topic for a first date.
21. Don’t mention any of your past boyfriends even by mistake. “Hey! You know this dish was XYZ’s favorite.” No, you don’t want that.
22. Don’t ask too many questions. No one likes all the attention on themselves. Have a relaxed, natural conversation.
23. Don’t ask too much about his work. You don’t want to look like a gold-digger.
24. Don’t ask about his parents or family. It’s too early and you’re not your mother.
25. Ask about his hobbies and interests, his taste for movies/books etc. This kind of topics help people open up. You’d strike the best chord if you can make him enjoy talking.
26. If he asks you something about yourself don’t ramble.
27. Do offer to split the bills. No, honestly.
28. Everyone doesn’t have the same beliefs and attitudes. Your actions can be misinterpreted. I know it sounds crazy, but to be on the safe side, don’t hold hands on a first date. (I had once run into the biggest trouble of my life by holding hands on the first date. Surely enough disaster to fill fifty future posts.)
29. Don’t kiss (If we’re talking about India, that is). Not unless you want to come across as the most desperate girl on earth.
29. Most importantly, have a good time. Don’t look at the date as a stressful test that you have to pass. Focus on enjoying yourself.
30. Good luck!

Suspicion

An ultra-popular television mini-series based on real-life incidences of crime has been going on for some time now. Creepy, isn’t it? But for some mysterious reason we humans find creepy, obnoxious and vulgarly violent entertaining…Okay, rambling filter now on.
So like I was saying, there’s this mini-series going on and one of the episodes was based on a guy subjecting his wife to mental abuse for years and then killing her. (Cummon, don’t tell me that’s shocking. Killing one’s wife is our bread and butter here in India. We even have special names for it like ‘dowry death’ etc.)
Coming back to the point (again), this crime stemmed purely out of the man’s suspicions (yes, completely unfounded) about his wife. Well eventually he turned out to be suffering from acute clinical paranoia and is now fortunately rotting in prison (unlike most of the members of the Fraternity. The Wife-killing one.)
That’s the power of Suspicion.

Photo by Allysa L. Miller

But is suspicion bad?

Not completely. What would you do if you had zero suspicions about your partner? If you were completely sure that they are just head-over-heels in love with you and wouldn’t think of so much as looking at another man/girl? You’d mistreat them. You wouldn’t give them the importance they deserve. Well at least I didn’t. No wonder that relationship ended. After years of mistreatment for the guy. Tragic, I know.

The Suspicion-holic

But the other extreme, that is suspicion for the sake of suspicion (Suspicion-holism. Yeah, the thing of the mad murderer) is what brings disaster to relationships. A phone call from another man/girl, a lunch with a long-time friend of the opposite gender, a half an hour delay in their coming back home…and you’re pulling off your hair. Bad strategy. Bad bad strategy for a healthy and fulfilling relationship (maybe also for a life outside a hospital for the mentally screwed up).

Gotcha. For life.

Now what if you actually catch your partner cheating? Well that’s the difficult part. We’ll handle it sometime. But let’s say you’ve found out that your partner is cheating and the two of you are through with all the throwing things, calling names, tears and scratches and all of that. Now what? Well of course if you break up there’s no What Now. But if, like most people, one of you decides to ‘pardon’ the other because ‘okay it has happened just once’, then you need to decide the terms of your relationship now.

Photo by jeffreyw

Unfortunately we tend to slip into the ‘Gotcha Syndrome’- treating this incidence of infidelity as a trump card against your partner. Rubbing it in every time you have a quarrel.
“Ah yes, maybe I’ve made a mistake. But at least I’m not the one sleeping around.”
“Look who’s talking!”
“I think not sharing the housework is slightly better than cheating.”
That’s not how relationships work. The choice is: breaking up or staying together. If you’ve decided, together, to not break up, then you have to be a couple in terms of being a couple, not in terms of Now-I-have-a-lifelong-upper hand.
Did you have to deal with suspicion ever in your relationships? Let me know what you learnt which you wish you had known earlier.

The Gold Digger* dialogue

Gold-digger says: What do you do?
Translation: Are you earning enough to satisfy my material demands?
Gold-digger says: Where do you live?
Translation: I’m hoping you live in a posh area.
Gold-digger says: Tell me everything about yourself. I want to know you better.
Translation: I want to get a clearer idea of your work and how much you’re making.
Gold-digger says: (On being complimented on her looks) Thank you…yes, this dress looks good on me.

Translation: This dress is expensive and you’d better prepare for starting to fund my standards.
Gold-digger says: (In a party) Monica is looking gorgeous in that dress, isn’t she?
Translation: Buy me expensive dresses like the one Monica’s wearing.
Gold-digger says: Do you know a new shopping mall has come up in such-and-such place?
Translation: Let’s go shopping and you’ll pay for everything.
Gold-digger says: I’m bored.
Translation: Let’s go shopping.
Gold-digger says: My stupid old landlady is making my life hell asking for the rent again and again.
Translation: Give me money.
Gold-digger says: My car is giving a hell lot of trouble of late. After all it’s sure old.
Translation: Give me money.
Gold-digger says: I love you (after being presented with an expensive gift).
Translation: Now you can have sex with me.

Gold-digger says: Shut up! You’re not too old for me. I love the person that you are.
Translation: You wouldn’t be earning so much if you were 10 years younger, so I’m happy that you’re 10 years older than me.
Gold-digger says: You’re so sexy, baby!
Translation: You’re ugly but your wallet is not, so I’ll stay with you.
Gold-digger says: I love you like my life. What are we waiting for? Let’s get married.
Translation: You’ve passed all my tests of financial muscle power. Now I want to hook you for life before you realize my intentions.
Gold-digger says: I can never love anyone but you.
Translation: You’re richer than even I’d expected. I want to marry you.
Gold-digger says: I’d like to meet your family.
Translation: You’re richer than even I’d expected. I want to marry you.
Gold-digger says: Well…I enjoyed last evening but I think we’re very different people.
Translation: You’re not as rich as I’d have wanted so goodbye.

* A gold digger, according to www.dictionary.com, is “a person who dates others purely to extract money from them, in particular a woman who strives to marry a wealthy man.”

How to Impress a Girl into Liking You: 6 Tips

My friend Rahul (name changed) has had a crush on Sheetal (name changed) since time immemorial. My guess is that all of his friends, including me, have at some point of time or the other played the relationship counselor to him-giving him suggestions to overcome his shyness, giving him support after the latest rejection, even subtly recommending him to Sheetal! But nothing has changed.

The other day he was asking me for suggestions. I told him, “Nothing changes if nothing changes. We can’t change anything for you. The only thing that can and should change in the whole scheme of things is YOU. If you want I can give you pointers for that.” Read on to find out my top 6 suggestions to him.

Be confident:

Shy guys don’t get any points from girls. Period. Why would a girl be your girlfriend? Because you’re a man. And being shy takes away significantly from your masculinity, in a girl’s eyes. One of the strategies commonly used for building confidence is projecting yourself as a confident person. Even if you don’t feel confident pretend to be confident-the attitude will probably soon enter your mind.
Don’t brag:

Bragging is the other extreme which you need to avoid like plague when it comes to impressing a girl. Are you one of those men who think talking about themselves and their achievements is a way of giving the girl reasons to like them? You couldn’t be more wrong. First of all truth speaks for itself. Everyone knows who you are and what you are (at least I hope so). If the girl finds that interesting she’ll be impressed, and if she doesn’t she won’t be. You can’t change anything by your words. Secondly people who brag come across as self-obsessed. At least I wouldn’t think of getting into a relationship with someone who’s so sickly in love with himself that he wouldn’t give me the importance of an equal.
Make her laugh:

A sense of humor is usually a major turn on for women. Making someone laugh is making a connection with the child inside them. If you can make a girl laugh you’re most likely already in her good books. Besides, every girl wants to be with someone they can look up to and admire. If you’re proud of your intelligence, making her laugh is the best way of showing it off.
Your looks matter:

If you’re under the impression that only women need to take care of their appearance and look beautiful, think again. A relationship is basically the human, civilized version of the primordial instincts nature has given us. And so looks helps create the first attraction. Pay attention to your clothes, hairstyle etc. before going to meet her.
Praise her looks subtly:

Nothing makes a girl feel more feminine than her physical beauty being appreciated by a man. Compliment her on her looks confidently. But do it subtly and never do it before you’ve known each other for some time. If she’s really beautiful you need to be extra cautious-she’s too used to compliments and will write you off as just another honey-thirsty bee if the first thing you say to her is a compliment on her looks!
Be a friend:

If you want to earn a girl’s trust you have to first be her friend. Never make the mistake of hinting her of your romantic ambitions right from the word go. Spend some time getting to know her as a person, finding out about her beliefs, likes and dislikes, ambitions, hobbies and philosophy of life. If you have taken due care to really understand her, you’re almost sure to earn her affection in the near future.

Anything important that I missed out?

Love Story 4

Today is a really happy day in Smita’s life. Today she’s going out for a movie with Shantanu for the first time. It’s almost 5 pm. The movie starts at 6. Smita kept looking at her watch as she waited in a bus-stop for Shantanu.

Smita and Shantanu’s story was the quintessential love-at-first-sight fairytale. They both joined college in the first week of June, and by the end of the month they were ‘officially together’. Both happily fell in love head over heels and didn’t mind being teased out of their mind for getting together so quickly by friends.

Photo by Celine.Q

“Hey! Here! Here!” Smita shouted as she saw Shantanu in the distance, getting off a bus. And then that smile! The smile that adorned both their faces is not born in this planet, it’s born in heaven.

But soon Smita conscientiously assumed the role of the typical more-disciplined-than-you female part of the family.
“Why are you so late? It’s past 5: 15!” She creased her brows like an angry school teacher.
“Sorry honey, I had to run an errand for my mother just as I was leaving home. You know, didn’t want to give her any suspicion by showing her that I was in a hurry. I told them I was meeting a friend.”

They took a cab to the movie theater, chitchatting all the way.

Smita was saying, “I hate holidays. Holidays mean no college and no meeting you. You know I missed you so much yesterday. And talking to you over the phone at night was the best thing that happened yesterday.”
Shantanu said, “But we met yesterday. We went to The Plaza in the evening, had panipuris, I told you a joke and you were laughing your head out…Don’t you remember?”

Smita suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe. She’d never been to The Plaza in her life.

Complete/continue the above story by commenting.

14 Signs: Is My Boyfriend Cheating on Me?

Are you of late wondering if something has changed in your relationship? Does it seem to you that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore? Is it possible that he’s cheating on you? This article brings to you fourteen powerful signs to tell if he’s cheating.

Photo by starush

1.Use your woman’s intuition

You have a gut feeling that something is wrong. The old spark that used to spring up into his eyes and smile on seeing you, is missing. Never ignore your woman’s 6th sense when it comes to the fidelity of your boyfriend.

2.Too many gifts

He never bought you so many gifts in your entire relationship as he did last month! This is his guilty mind trying to compensate you for what he’s doing to you.

3.Criticizing the lover

There’s someone you both know who you’re boyfriend is continually criticizing of late. Of course no affair could be going on between him and her, for God’s sake, right? Wrong. He’s just trying to make you come to that conclusion by criticizing her, who’s actually his secret lover.

4.No missing you

He doesn’t seem to miss you at all when you’re not with him. Earlier he used to call you five times a day. You used to meet almost every day. Nowadays he almost never calls you.

5.Missed calls

Sometimes when you call him, he lets the phone ring or rejects your call. Later gives unconvincing explanations.

6.Irritability, rudeness

He seems irritated all the time-anything and everything you do seems to make him angry. He’s rude with you all the time regarding trivial matters.

7.Mood swings

He’s of late earned the title of “Mr. Mood Swing”. Today he’s showing you so much affection and buying you gifts. Yesterday he made you cry with his rude words regarding something totally inconsequential. While you may be surprised by his mood swings, it’s a common effect of cheating. On the one had he’s feeling guilty about cheating you, and so trying to make it up to you. On the other he basically just can’t stand to spend time with you, because he’s not in love with you anymore, but he has to, because you’re still a couple, and this makes him very irritated inside.

8.No compliments

Earlier he would just look at you with mesmerized eyes for 10 seconds and comment that he was luckiest man alive as he has the most beautiful woman in the world as his girlfriend. But of late he’s just stopped complimenting you on your looks.

9.Email privacy

You never bothered keeping secrets from each other. You would check your emails in front of each other and leave the email account open, because you had nothing to hide from each other. Nowadays however, if you chance upon his open email account he rushes to close it and lectures you about individual privacy.

10.Password change

Some couples share email passwords. If you’re one of them, he’ll invariably change his password at this point of time. You’ll notice maybe many days after he’s actually changed it. If you ask him about it it’ll be the old “Privacy” lecture again.

11.Cell phone privacy

Same applies to his cell phone. You remember frequently teasing him saying, “Now I’m going to blow the lid off your other affairs,” and then taking his cell phone and going through all messages, only to find messages from his friends and mum. Then both of you would laugh and hug and kiss. These days his cell phone is apparently another fortress of his privacy, not to be touched by you.

12.Overreacting to inquiries

If you make perfectly normal and everyday inquiries like, “Hey honey! Where are you now?” or “We couldn’t meet last weekend because you were busy at work. So how’s the current project coming along?”, he becomes very defensive and accuses you for being over-suspicious, leaving you dumbfounded and wondering, “Suspicions about his fidelity weren’t even there at the darkest cranny of my mind…”

13.Talks of break-up

When you quarrel he frequently talks about ending the relationship, unlike before. The other day when you had a tiny tiff he said, “If you do that again don’t expect me to be with you anymore.” It was a horrible shock to you. That night you spent an hour crying into your pillow. If he’s cheating then this is an outcome of him not being in love with you anymore, and secondly of him having a fallback option.

14.Doesn’t say “I love you”

Do you remember when was the last time he said “I love you” to you? Yeah, it was around the same time that you last felt that spark in his eyes, that radiance in his smile, that eagerness in his kisses. Of late it seems that he’s there, but not really there. Emotionally he seems miles away from you.
A rule of thumb could be checking if about five or more of the above symptoms are there in your relationship. If so, don’t be too devastated to talk to your boyfriend about it, ‘cause there’s always a chance that the reason is something else. And what if you find out that he’s actually cheating? That’s the topic of another post. Meanwhile, leave a reply to tell me your thoughts.

8 Signs: Is my Boyfriend/Girlfriend Serious About Our Relationship?

Is my boyfriend/girlfriend serious about our relationship?
You’ve been sad for months. You have given your heart and soul to your boyfriend/girlfriend, you’re convinced they’re the man/woman of your dreams but they don’t quite seem to reciprocate your feelings. Do they feel the same about you as you feel about them? Read on to find out.

1.Meet my friend Neha!

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend refer to you as a “friend” instead of their “girlfriend (boyfriend)”/ “fiancé” to most outsiders? It’s true that in India some people are embarrassed to admit that they’re in a relationship. But you can make out whether the real reason behind your boyfriend/girlfriend’s denial of your relationship is shyness or something else. Especially if you’ve brought this up with them already and they’re still insisting on trying to deny your existence as their boyfriend/girlfriend, it may be time to be alert.

2.Take your hands off me or get killed!

They’re uneasy being seen in public with you. They’re seriously offended if you even hold their hand while you’re outside. They once quarreled with you for kissing them on the cheek in front of others. Their attitude hurts you a lot. But you’re trying to “understand them”, to “adjust”. You’re telling yourself, “We just happen to have been born with different levels of shyness.” But what you’re choosing to overlook is that if someone’s really in love with you they’ll certainly not cause your suffering knowingly. Another telltale sign.

3.Relationship status: Single!

They refuse to mention their relationship with you under “relationship status” in Facebook/Orkut. When you enquire about it they give insubstantial excuses like they don’t want other people to know everything about their life, they have their relatives/parents on their friend-list who they don’t want to know about their relationship, etc. There’s something that you should know here. One of the litmus tests of being in love is feeling proud of it and wanting to tell everyone about it. (It’s just this instinct of people in love which the social networks have harnessed with their “relationship status” feature!)

4.Meeting parents? Not yet.

You’ve never met or talked to anyone from their family even though you’ve been in relationship for quite some time now. If you express interest in meeting them your partner says, “Ok we’ll do it next weekend,” but that weekend never comes. They might try many variations of excuses-“My family is rather conservative”, “It’s better to tell them just before marriage,” “We’re from different castes/sub-castes/races, I need some time before I can bring it up with my parents,” etc.

5.Your friends & family who?

They never ask you about your family, how you grew up, who are your friends etc. Even if they’ve met your friends they’ve not seemed too interested in them. And if you’ve gotten a chance to find out-they’ve not remembered the names of most of them. Lack of interest in things closely associated with your whole being-your childhood, your family and your friends-indicates lack of interest in the person that’s YOU! If they’re not interested in understanding you, they probably don’t have too many plans regarding your relationship.

6.You dance Odissi? Or Salsa?

Along the same lines as point #5, they’re not interested at all in your passions and hobbies. Do you find yourself reminding them to read your blog again and again? Are you sad about the fact that they’ve never asked you about your favorite genre of music? Do they often fail to even remember what your hobby is? Doesn’t sound like your potential life-partner to me.

7.Boom! Watch out for the splinters of our plans!

You’ve planned for months and weeks for a nice little beach getaway during the Diwali holidays which you’d decided on together. All this while you’ve been telling them of your plans with great enthusiasm and joy and anticipation. Come Diwali and boom! They just blow up your plans (and you, in the process). They’ve just decided not to go away from their family during this auspicious period. They’ve just decided to use this break for getting up to speed on their studies. You’re of course devastated. But who cares?

8.Did I tell you I was moving to New York?

They never consult you on major decisions-decisions which you’d ideally like to take together. They inform you after making the decisions, when you’re left gaping, thinking, “I never had wind of it!” If it’s something you don’t agree with, they reason it’s too late to change their decision now.
If your partner displays any of the above symptoms it’s time you brought it up with them and talked about it openly. If they show four or more of the eight behaviors mentioned above, they’re probably not thinking of a future with you. If you’ve become emotionally involved with them bring it up with them NOW. Tell them openly that you’re convinced that they’re not serious about the relationship and you are. Suggest taking some time off from each other for re-assessing what each of you want from the relationship.
Don’t agree with me? Why don’t you leave a reply to let me know?

How to Impress Your Girlfriend

Are you in a relationship and want to understand her better? Do you want to know what she wants from you? Do you sometimes wish someone gave you a magic window into her world? Here are the top 10 ways to impress her and have a fulfilling relationship.

1.Make her laugh.

Yes the old saying is true. Girls do adore men with a sense of humour.

2.Compliment her on her looks.

It makes us feel feminine. A romantic relationship with a man is first of all a celebration of a girl’s femininity, which is pampered when you appreciate her beauty. But don’t fake it. Praise her looks only at those moments when she looks particularly attractive to you (we all have them).

3.Surprises.

Give her small surprises every once in a while. A simple “I’m thinking of you” e-card or a short handwritten love-letter can do the trick. We love romantic surprises because they make us feel special. A small gesture will make her feel that she’s always on your mind, that she is not lost somewhere among your mental layers.

4.Give her due attention.

Make it a point to spend sufficient time together every day. If you don’t meet every day, call. If you’re one of those men who need space, who don’t enjoy talking to their girlfriends for hours over the phone or if you’re just plain busy, make the calls shorter but don’t forget to call every day. When you’re hanging up apologize for not being able to spend more time with her. Failing to give each other due attention can become the first nail in the coffin of your relationship, especially if there’s expectation mismatch with regard to this on a continued basis. If you genuinely are too busy to find much leisure any time in the near future, this is probably not the right time for you to start a relationship.

5.Too many gifts?

Do you often find yourself presenting her with material gifts? Do you find her sullen if you haven’t gifted her anything in a while? In that case be warned-she certainly doesn’t love you. In fact even if your girlfriend never asks for gifts and really is in love with you, it’s not wise to make expensive gifts a regular part of your relationship. You know why? Because you want her to be with you only as long as she’s in love with you. If you create other incentives for being with you, chances are she’ll hang around (read make a fool of you by cheating you into believing that she loves you) even if she’s not in love with you at some future point of time.

6.Don’t play too hard to get.

If you think you can get more attention from her by playing hard to get, think again. Certainly a relationship is not the only thing in anyone’s life or mind, and neither should it be, for it to remain healthy. But if you resort to deliberate cheap tactics like not taking her calls most of the time, trying to show her that she doesn’t deserve your attention etc., then there’s a problem. Sure, these will work for a while since it’s human nature to think what’s hard to get is more valuable. But eventually she’ll leave you. That’s certain. And that’s because everything wilts, wanes and dies if it’s not nurtured, and her love for you would, too. (Unless, of course, she’s with you for any other reason than being in love with you, e.g. your money or social status! And in that case you want her to leave you as soon as possible!)

7.Don’t be too easy to get.

Unfortunately the other side of the principle I mentioned above is that it’s also human nature to be unable to value something that comes easily to us. When I was a child I used to take out all my anger on my mother, who literally is the best mum in the world and made innumerable sacrifices for me, like all mothers. Thus becoming the carpet beneath her feet (not protesting even if she’s rude to you or even physically violent with you, trying to protect her from the outside world, doing her work etc.) is not a good strategy either.

8.Parents matter.

Be respectful to her parents. This is a must, because family is something very close to our hearts. So showing disrespect to her parents is showing disrespect to her. If you disagree with them on certain points or you don’t want to accept some of their attitudes then bring it up with her in a mature, respectful, objective way. Don’t even think about making rude or insulting comments about them. Even when you’re quarrelling.

9.Don’t be controlling.

Are you dying to know the password of her email account? Do you feel a bit tensed when she’s not with you, wondering what she’s doing, who she’s meeting and who she’s spending her time with? Do you find yourself clenching your fists and gritting your teeth when you see her photos with her male friends on Facebook? If you choke her like this she’ll soon need breathing space. And that’ll give rise to lies, suspicions and eventually a grossly unhealthy relationship. The modern woman has to go out, work, meet people and have a world of her own. If you can’t accept that you’d better start working on your own attitude.

10.Male chauvinist?

Do you in any way feel that there are ways in which women are lesser than men (apart from physical strength)? In that case don’t hope to be in relationship with any self-respecting adult woman until you’re able to change your beliefs. We can feel even 0.1% of female-condescending attitude. If it’s a serious relationship and you’re planning on a life with your girlfriend, she’s going to be your life-partner. You’ll each be a parent of your children. If you’re unable to give each other exactly as much importance as you’d give yourself, then it’s detrimental to your relationship and future family.
Do you think I missed out any point? Leave a comment to let me know. :)