Remember my friend Amrita who made some one-of-a-kind drunken promises to her husband? Today she’s back with some pearls of wisdom on how she keeps the domestic war going in her family. While she’s talking from a married woman’s point of view, these methods will work like magic for married and unmarried couples alike.
So here goes…
- Remember, it’s always the other person’s fault.
- Whenever you’re arguing, always refer back to past fights.
- Find ways of somehow blaming things on your partner’s parents. While having a fight disparage them every now and then.
- Maintain a secret running list of his/her weak spots. Make careless jibes at them during fights.
- If you’re running out of new issues, bring up the eternal and un-solvable ones.
- For best effects, do this at a time when you’re both exhausted – like after work/school.
- Don’t accept defeat. When you really can’t find any ways of countering the other person’s point repeat it, add a “but”, and add your own (even if entirely irrelevant).
- No issue is too small to fight over.
- Rigorously monitor their email, messages, Gtalk, Facebook chat, Whatsapp and everything else. This will keep them on their toes.
- Try to avoid sex as much as possible. It never makes for a great mood for fighting.
- Always interrupt them before they can finish a sentence. This will not only help you avoid listening to them, but also set the mood for a fresh fight.
- Use your most normal tone to deliver your most sarcastic lines. This will drive them crazy.
- When they come up with their best lines, pretend not to hear (play with your cell phone or something).
- Focus on the big picture. Instead of limiting the argument to any issue at hand, link it with your partner’s inherently faulty nature.
- Causally mention something provocative at a particularly special and romantic moment. This is known as the “ruin the moment” technique.
- Whatever you do, don’t say the words, “I’m sorry.” They have the dangerous power of ending fights abruptly.
- Don’t leave the room or take any sort of break during a quarrel. Be at it till you have made your point.
- If your partner does something spineless like leaving the room, chase them around everywhere – including the bathroom – to prove that they’re wrong.
- If you want to get creative, call up his/her dad at the height of a fight, and say, “This is what he/she is doing! Is this what you’ve taught him/her?” You will never forget your partner’s reaction to this.
Have a great weekend and happy fighting!