Remember my friend Amrita who made some one-of-a-kind drunken promises to her husband? Today she’s back with some pearls of wisdom on how she keeps the domestic war going in her family.  While she’s talking from a married woman’s point of view, these methods will work like magic for married and unmarried couples alike.

How to fight with partnerPhoto by Dr Winston O Boogie

So here goes…

  1. Remember, it’s always the other person’s fault.
  2. Whenever you’re arguing, always refer back to past fights.
  3. Find ways of somehow blaming things on your partner’s parents. While having a fight disparage them every now and then.
  4. Maintain a secret running list of his/her weak spots. Make careless jibes at them during fights.  
  5. If you’re running out of new issues, bring up the eternal and un-solvable ones.
  6. For best effects, do this at a time when you’re both exhausted – like after work/school.
  7. Don’t accept defeat. When you really can’t find any ways of countering the other person’s point repeat it, add a “but”, and add your own (even if entirely irrelevant).
  8. No issue is too small to fight over.
  9. Rigorously monitor their email, messages, Gtalk, Facebook chat, Whatsapp and everything else. This will keep them on their toes.
  10. Try to avoid sex as much as possible. It never makes for a great mood for fighting.
  11. Always interrupt them before they can finish a sentence. This will not only help you avoid listening to them, but also set the mood for a fresh fight.
  12. Use your most normal tone to deliver your most sarcastic lines. This will drive them crazy.
  13. When they come up with their best lines, pretend not to hear (play with your cell phone or something).
  14. Focus on the big picture. Instead of limiting the argument to any issue at hand, link it with your partner’s inherently faulty nature.
  15. Causally mention something provocative at a particularly special and romantic moment. This is known as the “ruin the moment” technique.
  16. Whatever you do, don’t say the words, “I’m sorry.” They have the dangerous power of ending fights abruptly.
  17. Don’t leave the room or take any sort of break during a quarrel. Be at it till you have made your point.
  18. If your partner does something spineless like leaving the room, chase them around everywhere – including the bathroom – to prove that they’re wrong.
  19. If you want to get creative, call up his/her dad at the height of a fight, and say, “This is what he/she is doing! Is this what you’ve taught him/her?” You will never forget your partner’s reaction to this.

Have a great weekend and happy fighting!