The Tale of Four Hearts (Part 2)

[Continued from here.]

Sheetal had never been a very close friend of mine. We had each other’s phone numbers – just in case – and our communication was limited to forwarded SMSs, a few times a month perhaps. So I was taken aback when one of these difficult days Sheetal messaged me asking me to remove all her photos and other traces from Rahul’s computer. “It’s over,” She ended.

“But …what the….???” I was immediately on the phone with her, desperately looking for explanations in my stupid, blundering, bundle-of-nerves way.

“That’s none of your business. Who are you to this relationship? No one! What do you know about what I have been through over the last three years? To you he’s your “best buddy”, your “saviour”, the embodiment of virtue, isn’t he?” Sheetal was on a frenzied roll. The truth that was tumbling out of her was what I’d suspected it to be all of these years.

Rahul was an emotional abuser. Hours of mental torture, extreme possessiveness to the point of not letting her talk to other boys, name-calling her parents – Sheetal had seen it all. In fact, Sulagna, when I read your article on emotional abuse, it was pure déjà vu. Manipulation, lies, presenting a charming face to the outside world and to top it all – when push came to shove, blaming it all on the victim. I saw it, you see. I witnessed it, right in front of my eyes. But Rahul was…Rahul. My best buddy. My saviour. The embodiment of virtue. I had tried to look past it every time I found myself face to face with it. Now I felt responsible. I had failed Sheetal.

Love storyPhoto by *Lie … off for a while … !

“Don’t do anything. We’re OK.J J ;) ;) ” That’s the next message I see from Sheetal, as I scroll down my inbox archives today. I know. Women!!

In spite of being ineffective in splitting up the couple, which I knew – and still know – is what Sheetal needed, this hiccup in their relationship holds a huge significance to me. This was the genesis of a deep friendship between me and Sheetal. My depression wasn’t getting any better. I was desperate to trust someone, to open up to someone, to have someone croon me a few words of sympathy. I held on to Sheetal like a drowning man to a straw. She didn’t hold back. We became the best of friends, sharing everything about Ranja and a tiny little bit about Rahul. (Sheetal is a Bharatiya Nari, remember? ;))

Months passed by. Our exams ended. Rahul travelled to another university in a different city for his internship. And then one day I received a call from him.

It fills me with anger, pain and shock as I relive that call even today.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you? You think I don’t know anything about what’s going on? I’ve checked out all of the messages that were exchanged between you and my girlfriend you son of a b***h! You see, I had plenty of time when you were deep in sleep, probably dreaming of her naked body. I can’t stoop to the level of “battling this out with you,” so to speak. So let me tell you this once and for all – you’re free to get as close to my soon-to-be-ex girlfriend as you want, but do not contact me ever in this life again. For you, I never existed.”

I sat on my bed, shaking, with tears running down my cheeks even long after he’d hung up. I had no idea what had just happened. I had never, ever thought of Sheetal as anything other than an understanding, trusted friend. How could I? Ranja – and the pain of losing her – occupied every square millimetre of my heart. More than the pain of losing my best friend of three years – the pain of feeling wronged overwhelmed me. I wailed and wailed for what felt like hours but was in reality 15 minutes. And then I popped two Avomine tablets and slept the whole day.

“Tujh se naraaz nahi zindagi, hayraan hoon main…”

Yeah life is ironic sometimes. That’s the painful tune which woke me up next morning as I peered at the screen, barely recognizing Sheetal’s name through my groggy-eyed haze.

One more deluge of tears. Rahul had used up his entire dictionary of teenage slangs in an hours long call he had had with her the previous day, Sheetal informed.

“I almost hate myself now. Even though it never crossed my mind that you could be anything but a very close, very dear friend to me, maybe he’s right. May be it’s impossible for a male and a female to be just friends. I’m sorry for everything Rana … ” The trauma had left her out of her senses.

We talked. For hours. Sharing our sorrows. Our pain. The hurt we felt for being misunderstood by someone closest to each of us. And in the end we agreed he was beyond us. He had something in him that was tearing him apart. And honestly, neither of us had the capability to handle it. From this point, we started avoiding him.

Love storyPhoto by jacobblack_luver

“Missing you…” That’s the next SMS from Sheetal currently showing up on my phone.

“Rana you understand me so well…I feel I’ve known you for many lives…” Reads the next.

I smiled. To my utter surprise I started feeling the first few puffs of that sharp, heady, intoxicating thing inside myself again. It all fell in place. Sheetal?? But of course! We were both survivors. We both wanted the same things in a partner – truly-deeply-madly real love, a pure heart and absolute honesty. And hey – we could share anything and everything with each other, even our deepest fears, pains and stupid hopes. I did it again.

Sulagna, you know, sometimes such tiny things affect our lives in such immeasurable ways? Like you couldn’t find your wallet in the morning, so left for work 5 minutes later than usual and when you arrived at the station you found out all trains were running an hour late because your usual train – which you missed because of the delay – has just met with a terrible accident?

Sometimes, it’s the reverse. Something huge happens and shakes up your tiny, mundane life in ways you never expected. Or deserved.

Rahul’s dad died in his office of a sudden heart attack just a few weeks after we fell out. Long story short – Sheetal went back to Rahul. “I’m sorry, but I can never forgive myself for what happened. I feel guilty. The least I can do is be by his side now…” She sobbed into the phone.

I pretended to smile.

What could I do? I know the world is not fair. Good things happen to bad people.

But still I stay awake at night. I haven’t been able to make peace with myself. Not yet. What should I tell myself? Any suggestions? What can I tell myself to make sense of what happened to me? Am I being oversensitive? Like most people should I pretend emotions don’t exist and the cruder aspects of life are its only real aspects?

I don’t know. 

3 thoughts on “The Tale of Four Hearts (Part 2)”

  1. hmmm….. a heart wrenching story….. i really feel for this guy…. his heart is too pure…..and that rahul guy…i really feel he is a big bastard….

  2. Hey…
    For you or anyone who has just lost some1 whom he/she truly loved, the formula is

    T.T.T = THINGS TAKE TIME

    You need time to get over it. I m sure you must have heard it zillion times- “try something constructive, listen to music, hang out with good close friends, keep yourself busy(& if possible entertained) with people who care for you, surround yourself with psitivity etc”…
    The fact remains that you have to live out every single second of your life without d person whom u ‘long for’, the person with whom u seek togetherness…

    U need to remain in d positive zone, all d time(mental, physical, emotional). However if it seems difficult 2 refrain from negativity, remember, if u r not getting in2 d destructive zone, u r as good as being in the constructive zone.

    Just go with the flow of time. Do NOT desperately ‘search’ for company. In fact i would suggest, ‘enjoy being single, exploit your “single” status by having a carefree life where you do not have to bother about any1 else in your life for every single & simple activity that you do. Trust me it can become a headache if you have to “carry” some1 with you everywhere you go & include him/her in every plan of your life. You can actually reach a point where you will start “suffocating” & begging for solitude.’

    I am not experienced enough to say that “you will get your perfect match at the right time”, but yes, as we have seen/read/heard about people & their life stories from ancient times to today’s date:- Somethings are just NOT meant to be.

    It can actually happen that with the passage of time you might feel, that “it” was d best incident of your life & you are so much happy now. IF NOT HAPPY, DEFINITELY U R NOT AS SAD & IN A SCREWED STATE AS ‘that couple’ SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN THEMSELVES INTO. Saved from a lot of issues which u would have not been able to handle…

    Hope it helped… Take care…

  3. Hey guys , sorry to pop my question in the middle of this discussion , but im so desperate that i dont know where else to go, hope u understand my situation and help me out
    So here it goes, Me and my gf have been in this relationship for 5 months now she is 17 and im 20, my parents know about my relationship and they are happy with it too. we have been very happy even tough we had small fights, but one thing was bugging me from our very 1st fight, that is when ever a fight some she is just stops talking irrespective of whose mistake its is, she never try’s to solve the problem she just quits then i would just spend hours trying to get her to talk. this same scenario continued for all the fights, i would tell her to talk about the fight so that we can solve and prevent it too, but she never listened to me, she would just turn silent when ever i try to make her understand, its like she doesn’t wanna listen to the advice, and sometimes she would get angry on me and speak harshly, at that time also ill only convince her and make her understand. i know she loves me but some times i feel so depressed thinking about my future with her. she is also concerned about my looks and keeps reminding that looks my are also important for her. its like she has two faces when she is happy she would be so sweet to me but when she isn’t its completely ah different story. she has even told me that our relationship has come this far only because of my understanding and adjustment but at the same time she bolts when a fight come, its like she doesn’t wanna fight for my love. now im worrying about our relationship all the and gets sad when ever she says something harsh. please tell me how to make her understand and solve this
    To be frank i am very she guy i dont speak to girls very often and she is my first love and i dont wanna loose her and i have already faced a lot life and i don’t i can survive a heart break now. On the contrary my gf is very cute and confident girl and unlike me she gets a lots of proposals
    I hope atleast you guys would help me
    vijay

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