5 Tips to Handle Intercaste Relationships

Caste-the blade that has driven deep scars across hearts and lives.
Caste-the poison that has split families.
And caste-the knife that’s drilling into your soul every moment: “I’m an XYZ. But he/she is an ABC. Now what?”


Love in IndiaPhoto by Kjunstorm

When I sat down to write this post about intercaste marriages and relationships I was really not sure what to write. I personally renounce castes completely and utterly, so I can’t write a “pros and cons” type of article on anything related to the caste system in India. It’s like trying to pen down the pros and cons of being racist against blacks. So I’ve decided to help people in intercaste relationships convince their parents of their decisions. Without taking more of your time, here goes.

Be prepared

Prepare yourself before you go in for The Discussion. Anticipate the concerns your parents might have regarding your intercaste marriage. Write them down one by one if possible. For example, they might fear adverse reaction from relatives, or they might believe that intercaste marriages don’t work or that children of intercaste marriages face problems. You must anticipate these and have counterarguments prepared.
Your parents will probably react emotionally when you first tell them that you want to get married to someone from a different caste. NEVER react back. Losing your cool is never an option if you’re hoping to convince anyone of anything. Calmly request them to articulate any specific concerns that they have. Use your preparation to talk the matter through with them at this point.

Evidence always works

Take time to research as many examples as possible of happy intercaste couples and unhappy same-caste couples among your friends and acquaintances. Use these while discussing your relationship with your parents. Try to pin down some reasons for the success or lack of it between these couples and explain how none of these reasons could be connected to caste.


Love in IndiaPhoto by Sara Björk

Back to the basics

This point is a bit extreme, but it works because sometimes in our folly we’re unable to see what’s right in front of us.
Turn to history. Remind your parents why the caste system was originally started-for classifying people belonging to different professions. In today’s world this basic reasoning behind the caste system has zero significance since majority of the people belonging to different castes have not continued in their “caste-professions”. And so, caste as a way of categorizing people has lost basis. Do more research. Cite examples of people like Dr. Meghnad Saha who have proven the baselessness of caste lines by doing things totally outside the identity boxes they were “cast” in.

A helping hand

Turn to that cousin/uncle/bhaabi of yours, who’s always been your close friend and whose judgment your parents trust. Introduce your “him”/ “her” to them and then request them to bring the matter up with your parents.

Decision

Never, never, NEVER start the discussion of your relationship with your parents if you have even 0.01% of doubts yourself. If you go to discuss your possible intercaste marriage with your parents and come back convinced of its futility, the next day you’ll meet your boyfriend/girlfriend and regret your reaction. And then this cycle will continue until you lose confidence completely in your own ability to take decisions. It’s crucial for you, your parents and your significant other that you have absolute clarity about what you want.

Tried all the above methods but your parents just won’t budge? Try Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!

The First Kiss

Ah the first kiss. Kissing for the first time in your life is always wrapped in anticipation, excitement, embarrassment and maybe even a bit of anxiety. The first kiss is something you’ll never forget-the first-kiss day, the first-kiss location, your first-kiss clothes, the first-kiss time of the day and even the first-kiss weather (hopefully also the first kiss partner) are things that you’ll preserve with great care in your memories.
However the first kiss can be downright awkward. And hilarious. Here’s what Hollywood has got to say on it.

“The first kiss I had was the most disgusting thing in my life. The girl injected about a pound of saliva, into my mouth, and when I walked away I had to spit it all out.”-Leonardo diCaprio


Love in IndiaPhoto by Piez

“This girl said “Yes” when I wasn’t ready. I kissed her lightly and got so dizzy I had to sit down.” –Antonio Banderas, speaking of his first kiss.

I can imagine. After all, practice makes perfect, and kissing is no exception to that. Yes, if you were thinking (like many do) that kissing talent is like green eyes-either you’re born with it or you’re not, then I have to tell you-you couldn’t be more wrong.

I remember I was thirteen (like most girls) when I kissed (or was kissed) for the first time. The guy was 2 years older than me (he recently got married). It was during the lunch break in school on a hot summer afternoon. If you ask me how it went…well let’s just say my experience was not too dissimilar to that of Leonardo diCaprio. I hated the poor boy for that and avoided kissing him as much as possible thereafter. (A recent poll throws up “too much saliva” as the main turn-off in kissing. How embarrassing!)


Love in IndiaPhoto by Playingwithbrushes

Here are some quick facts about first kiss.

1. There’s no such thing as “kissing by instinct”.
2. Your first kiss is NOT going to be your best kiss.
3. The best way to ruin your first kiss is to try something complicated like a French kiss.
4. Another good way to do that is to plan too much for the event.
5. If you are a (shy) man/boy: The first kiss will not fall on your head. You have to make the move.
6. A third excellent way to ruin the first kiss is to go crazy thinking, “What do I do with my hands?”

The last battle of kisses (like all other battles of the Universe) is a men vs. women battle, as reflected in the following (juicy) quotes.

“A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth – and endures all the rest.”-Helen Rowland

The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.-Henry Louis Mencken

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.-Remy de Gourmont

What’s the story of your first kiss? Do leave a comment to let us know.

And have fun with this cute video while you ponder.


 
 

Proposing a Girl-Tips for Overcoming Shyness

A few days ago I was chatting with a (guy) friend of mine when he ruefully mentioned his mundane (non-existent) love-life. There are many girls he knows and likes but he hasn’t been able to muster the courage to actually “propose” them, i.e. go up to them and tell them how he feels. Let down by himself, he’s finally checking out the matchmaking sites, in search of a match for an arranged marriage.


Love in IndiaPhoto by Megyarsh

Shyness can be a real hindrance when it comes to dating and kick-starting your love-life. What can be a greater regret than liking someone for a long time, then seeing them taken away just because you could never voice your feelings? No, you don’t want that.

What is shyness?

Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute (yes it exists) sees shyness as a sum of three components:

1.Excessive Self-Consciousness

– You’re conscious of what you’re doing, what you’re saying, how you’re behaving and especially what people are making of you, particularly when around people.

2.Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation

–You have a negative view of yourself.

3.Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation

– You’re too hard on yourself. Of all the things that you do, the ones which you’re doing wrong catch your attention immediately, but the ones you’re doing right don’t. Especially when you’re around people.

Handling self-consciousness

Where does self-consciousness come from? The first advice you’ll get when you ask anyone (including Google) about overcoming self-consciousness is that, “You’re far less important than you think you are,” or “People really don’t have so much time to think about you.” When I was in college, I came to know, through a friend, that some guys (guys, not girls) were making fun of me among themselves saying, “Why on earth does she wear strap shoes when she’s wearing a skirt?” Yeah right-I was thinking all along that they were giving me even more attention than this. The moral of this story is that no, you don’t have to believe that “you’re not so important” bu*****t. People enjoy talking about (and criticizing) others. Often more, not less, than you think. (Where did the word ‘gossip’ come from??)
BUT, not everyone is gossiping about the same person all the time. While you’ll be shocked at the levels of attention some people have paid you (the skirt-shoe thing) at some point of time, you’ll be equally surprised (pleasantly) to know how soon they forgot about you and moved on to dissect some other hopeless victim’s life. So learn to believe that you’re getting just about 50% of the attention you think you’re getting, at an aggregate level.

Negative self-evaluation

The first and foremost reason for people feeling shy around the opposite sex (particularly men feeling shy around women) is fear of rejection. Why is the possibility of rejection becoming so enormous in your mind? Because you often judge yourself negatively. You’re imagining you don’t have enough positive in you to offer to your love interest, and so the probability of rejection is higher.


Love in IndiaPhoto by Meddygarnet

Wake up!! We all have talents and shortcomings, including those gossipmongers who’re looking at you and judging you. The way to break free of overly negative self-images is treating social interactions like math-something that has to be practiced on a regular basis. Make it a point to initiate conversation with at least 1 person-preferably someone new-every day. Think of it as purely an exercise, with zero emotional involvement from your side in the conversation. Many a times the people you approach will not pay you any attention (yes for some mysterious reason people often forget that being nice is FREE). But equally often they will. Through this process you’ll realize you’re just another normal person-who’s not disliked in general more than any other person. And so the chances of rejection from your dream girl (or prince) are not abnormally high as you imagine. To reduce those chances even further approach her at the right moment.

Negative self-preoccupation

Keep a journal with you. List all the things you’ve done right in a day. If you want you can also make a parallel list of the things you’ve done wrong, but I don’t think you need to (since picking your own faults is something you’re good at anyway). Once again you’ll realize you’re doing about as much percentage of all the things right as is the normal average person. And what’s more, you’ll realize you were not only noticing every wrong, but looking at them with a magnifying glass.
Make small promises to yourself everyday and keep them-like talking to a new person everyday, which I just mentioned. When you’ll realize that you’re able to keep these promises you’ll feel much more capable and confident. Approaching your crush will become that much easier.
Any other strategy you used to overcome your shyness around the opposite sex? Let us know through the comment thingy.
 
 

Love At First Sight-Does it Really Happen?

Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you ever had that warm mushy feeling within the first few minutes that you had seen someone for the first time in your life?


Love in IndiaPhoto by *~Dawn~*

The practical ones among you are probably rolling your eyes but researchers say it can happen. In 2004 scientists at the Ohio State University conducted an experiment to explore the nature of the feelings between people who’ve just met each other. Even though the experiment was conducted on same-sex couples (no, seriously not what you think), i.e. with “friendship” as the basic relationship, the results can also be applied in case of romantic love.
164 students were divided into same-sex couples and allowed to spend three, six or ten minutes with each other. Then they were asked to fill a questionnaire describing what they had in common with their partner in the pair, whether they’d liked them and their predictions about the future of the relationship. Nine months later it turned out that the people who’d predicted a better connection between themselves and their partners actually ended up being in a closer relationship than those who didn’t.
This observation matches perfectly with the conclusion Earl Naumann makes in his book Love at First Sight: The Stories and Science Behind Instant Attraction. He says-on the basis of rigorous research, including 1500 in-depth interviews-that love at first sight happens only to those who believe in it. Well that’s a no-brainer given the belief-driven way in which the human mind works. What’s astounding though, are two other numbers:
1. 55% of the people who experienced love at first sight ended up marrying the same person.
2. 75% of those marriages worked, i.e. didn’t end in divorce-a whopping 25 percentage points more than the average US divorce rate of 50%.
So if you have felt that strong emotional connection with someone you’ve just met, you don’t need to be wary. Just go for it! This might just be ‘it’.


The Ideal Time to Propose to a Girl

You’ve probably heard of the famous love quote-“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.” Sure, if there’s a girl you’ve begun to like you should let her know. But when? Here are some telltale signs to look for before you propose her.

1.You’re not just another person in her life

Are you one of those guys who spend one month admiring their crush from a distance while she doesn’t even know you exist? If that is the case then now is certainly not the right moment to propose. You don’t think accepting a total stranger as your boyfriend/girlfriend is really cool, do you? Neither does she. So if she doesn’t know you right now, let her know you.


Love in IndiaPhoto by Darwin Bell

2. She’s friends with you

The best thing to do is to start with a ‘Hi!’ Ah you probably knew that one. Now all you have to do is to put it into action overcoming all your shyness. Start a conversation with her about trivial things. Your objective is to become friends with her-to create a situation where she’ll want to talk to you and she’ll crave your company.

3.She trusts you

Once again-forget about someone getting into a relationship with someone they don’t trust. If you propose to her before you’ve gained her trust chances are she’ll turn you down. So it’s not enough to be friends with her. You need to be in her inner circle-one of the top three. You must be the one she turns to when she needs help with something. You must be the one she likes to hang out with most often. In short, you need to ‘build it up’- cultivate a liking (not necessarily romantic) for you in her mind.

4. Something common

Find out about her interests and try to find something in common with her-something the two of you can talk about. If you really have nothing in common read up on her interests so that you can have a meaningful conversation about it. Of course, if you’ve met her at your school/college/workplace this point is irrelevant because you already have something in common which you can talk endlessly about. :D


Love in IndiaPhoto by noe**

5.You have the gut feeling

At the right time it’ll not be difficult for you to pick up the telltale signals. That smile that lights up her face when she sees you, that twinkle in her eyes…they’ll all tell you, “This is the right moment.” Go ahead and do it then. How? Check this out.
 
 

Top 5 First Date Mistakes Men Make

No. I was not going to forget half of humanity, or (sadly) more than half of Indians after yesterday’s post. So here goes.

1.Trying to be funny

Humor is such a b**ch. You either have it or you don’t. Whatever you do don’t try hard. If you do, the date becomes a highly un-enjoyable stretch of time both of you are wishing would end.


Love in IndiaPhoto by Humor Blog

2.Talking about yourself

Nothing puts a girl off more than this one. I hope your date is not stupid enough to have gone out with a guy she knows nothing about, so she knows how unique, special, fabulous and amazing you are. Well basically. Anything that you have to tell her is not worth mentioning. Now of course if she asks you about yourself it’s a different matter. But even in that case give information, don’t brag.

3.Not dressing properly

She has agreed to go out with you and spend an evening with you. You need to respect the importance she’s giving you. No, it’s not just women who need to look good. You do too. Don’t wear your college t-shirt to your first date. Use cologne (make sure it’s not women’s). And don’t go clean-shaven. A two-day stubble is best (according to studies.)


Love in IndiaPhoto by P_a_h

4.Pretending to be interested in what she has to say:

You may not be interested in some afternoon TV series. Just like she might not know what’s Formula 1. That’s fine. You can try to steer the conversation to different topics if she rambles on about something that’s making you fall asleep. But a great way to commit dating-harakiri is to pretend to be interested in something she’s saying while you’re actually not listening. You’ll invariably ask her about something she’s just explained and watch her smile falter.

5.Attempting to hold hands

Or worse-kiss! Holding hands is a gesture of an emotional connection. Not ideal material for a first date. And unless you want to earn the hatred of your date by “getting down to business” on a first date, don’t even think about attempting to kiss her!
Men are surely not so impeccable beings that the total number of first-date mistakes that they’ve ever made is five. I’ve listed down the most common (and most irritating) ones. Use the “Leave a Reply” thing below to add others.
 
 

30 First Date Do’s and Don’ts for Girls

A guy has just asked you out for a date and you don’t know what to do? Here are 30 tips to prepare you for the event.

1. Don’t go out on a date unless you’re ready for a relationship now.
2. Don’t go out on a date out of courtesy, i.e. if you’re not really interested in the guy.
3. Don’t go out on a date with a guy you know very little about. I don’t need to tell you how dangerous it can be.
4. Don’t wear something too revealing. You know what it signals.
5. Don’t wear too formal/gorgeous. You don’t want him to assume undue importance. ;)
6. Wear something you’re comfortable in. You don’t want to shiver all evening in your attempt to be sexy on a winter date.
7. Don’t wear too much makeup. That’s crass.
8. Don’t be fashionably late. No, it’s not fashionable at all (Not beyond the first 5 minutes anyway).
9. Don’t be nervous. He asked for it. (I hope. :P)
10. Smile.
11. Maintain eye contact. No one likes overly shy girls anymore.
12. Have a creative plan for the evening. The restaurant is not the only place you can go. Your favourite play, an exhibition or that antique coffee shop could be great for dates too.


Love in IndiaPhoto by kevindooley

13. Don’t suggest any of these before he asks. You’ll come across as overeager.
14. Don’t suggest an exuberantly expensive option if asked. He might insist on paying for everything in the end.
15. Don’t be shy if he tells you to choose the dishes and drinks. Go ahead.
16. Don’t drink too much. You don’t want to forget his name. During the date, that is.
17. Don’t leave your drink. You don’t know him. I don’t want to scare you but suffice it to say that it’s not advisable.
18. Don’t dribble food down your front. Okay I’m joking. :D


Love in IndiaPhoto by faith goble

19. Your objective is to have a great, engaging conversation. Steer towards that with everything you say.
20. Don’t ask him about his past relationships. Not the best topic for a first date.
21. Don’t mention any of your past boyfriends even by mistake. “Hey! You know this dish was XYZ’s favorite.” No, you don’t want that.
22. Don’t ask too many questions. No one likes all the attention on themselves. Have a relaxed, natural conversation.
23. Don’t ask too much about his work. You don’t want to look like a gold-digger.
24. Don’t ask about his parents or family. It’s too early and you’re not your mother.
25. Ask about his hobbies and interests, his taste for movies/books etc. This kind of topics help people open up. You’d strike the best chord if you can make him enjoy talking.
26. If he asks you something about yourself don’t ramble.
27. Do offer to split the bills. No, honestly.
28. Everyone doesn’t have the same beliefs and attitudes. Your actions can be misinterpreted. I know it sounds crazy, but to be on the safe side, don’t hold hands on a first date. (I had once run into the biggest trouble of my life by holding hands on the first date. Surely enough disaster to fill fifty future posts.)
29. Don’t kiss (If we’re talking about India, that is). Not unless you want to come across as the most desperate girl on earth.
29. Most importantly, have a good time. Don’t look at the date as a stressful test that you have to pass. Focus on enjoying yourself.
30. Good luck!

Suspicion

An ultra-popular television mini-series based on real-life incidences of crime has been going on for some time now. Creepy, isn’t it? But for some mysterious reason we humans find creepy, obnoxious and vulgarly violent entertaining…Okay, rambling filter now on.
So like I was saying, there’s this mini-series going on and one of the episodes was based on a guy subjecting his wife to mental abuse for years and then killing her. (Cummon, don’t tell me that’s shocking. Killing one’s wife is our bread and butter here in India. We even have special names for it like ‘dowry death’ etc.)
Coming back to the point (again), this crime stemmed purely out of the man’s suspicions (yes, completely unfounded) about his wife. Well eventually he turned out to be suffering from acute clinical paranoia and is now fortunately rotting in prison (unlike most of the members of the Fraternity. The Wife-killing one.)
That’s the power of Suspicion.


Love in IndiaPhoto by Allysa L. Miller

But is suspicion bad?

Not completely. What would you do if you had zero suspicions about your partner? If you were completely sure that they are just head-over-heels in love with you and wouldn’t think of so much as looking at another man/girl? You’d mistreat them. You wouldn’t give them the importance they deserve. Well at least I didn’t. No wonder that relationship ended. After years of mistreatment for the guy. Tragic, I know.

The Suspicion-holic

But the other extreme, that is suspicion for the sake of suspicion (Suspicion-holism. Yeah, the thing of the mad murderer) is what brings disaster to relationships. A phone call from another man/girl, a lunch with a long-time friend of the opposite gender, a half an hour delay in their coming back home…and you’re pulling off your hair. Bad strategy. Bad bad strategy for a healthy and fulfilling relationship (maybe also for a life outside a hospital for the mentally screwed up).

Gotcha. For life.

Now what if you actually catch your partner cheating? Well that’s the difficult part. We’ll handle it sometime. But let’s say you’ve found out that your partner is cheating and the two of you are through with all the throwing things, calling names, tears and scratches and all of that. Now what? Well of course if you break up there’s no What Now. But if, like most people, one of you decides to ‘pardon’ the other because ‘okay it has happened just once’, then you need to decide the terms of your relationship now.


Love in IndiaPhoto by jeffreyw

Unfortunately we tend to slip into the ‘Gotcha Syndrome’- treating this incidence of infidelity as a trump card against your partner. Rubbing it in every time you have a quarrel.
“Ah yes, maybe I’ve made a mistake. But at least I’m not the one sleeping around.”
“Look who’s talking!”
“I think not sharing the housework is slightly better than cheating.”
That’s not how relationships work. The choice is: breaking up or staying together. If you’ve decided, together, to not break up, then you have to be a couple in terms of being a couple, not in terms of Now-I-have-a-lifelong-upper hand.
Did you have to deal with suspicion ever in your relationships? Let me know what you learnt which you wish you had known earlier.

The Gold Digger* dialogue

Gold-digger says: What do you do?
Translation: Are you earning enough to satisfy my material demands?
Gold-digger says: Where do you live?
Translation: I’m hoping you live in a posh area.
Gold-digger says: Tell me everything about yourself. I want to know you better.
Translation: I want to get a clearer idea of your work and how much you’re making.
Gold-digger says: (On being complimented on her looks) Thank you…yes, this dress looks good on me.


Love in India

Translation: This dress is expensive and you’d better prepare for starting to fund my standards.
Gold-digger says: (In a party) Monica is looking gorgeous in that dress, isn’t she?
Translation: Buy me expensive dresses like the one Monica’s wearing.
Gold-digger says: Do you know a new shopping mall has come up in such-and-such place?
Translation: Let’s go shopping and you’ll pay for everything.
Gold-digger says: I’m bored.
Translation: Let’s go shopping.
Gold-digger says: My stupid old landlady is making my life hell asking for the rent again and again.
Translation: Give me money.
Gold-digger says: My car is giving a hell lot of trouble of late. After all it’s sure old.
Translation: Give me money.
Gold-digger says: I love you (after being presented with an expensive gift).
Translation: Now you can have sex with me.


Love in India

Gold-digger says: Shut up! You’re not too old for me. I love the person that you are.
Translation: You wouldn’t be earning so much if you were 10 years younger, so I’m happy that you’re 10 years older than me.
Gold-digger says: You’re so sexy, baby!
Translation: You’re ugly but your wallet is not, so I’ll stay with you.
Gold-digger says: I love you like my life. What are we waiting for? Let’s get married.
Translation: You’ve passed all my tests of financial muscle power. Now I want to hook you for life before you realize my intentions.
Gold-digger says: I can never love anyone but you.
Translation: You’re richer than even I’d expected. I want to marry you.
Gold-digger says: I’d like to meet your family.
Translation: You’re richer than even I’d expected. I want to marry you.
Gold-digger says: Well…I enjoyed last evening but I think we’re very different people.
Translation: You’re not as rich as I’d have wanted so goodbye.

 

* A gold digger, according to www.dictionary.com, is “a person who dates others purely to extract money from them, in particular a woman who strives to marry a wealthy man.”

How to Impress a Girl into Liking You: 6 Tips

My friend Rahul (name changed) has had a crush on Sheetal (name changed) since time immemorial. My guess is that all of his friends, including me, have at some point of time or the other played the relationship counselor to him-giving him suggestions to overcome his shyness, giving him support after the latest rejection, even subtly recommending him to Sheetal! But nothing has changed.

The other day he was asking me for suggestions. I told him, “Nothing changes if nothing changes. We can’t change anything for you. The only thing that can and should change in the whole scheme of things is YOU. If you want I can give you pointers for that.” Read on to find out my top 6 suggestions to him.

  1. Be confident:

    Shy guys don’t get any points from girls. Period. Why would a girl be your girlfriend? Because you’re a man. And being shy takes away significantly from your masculinity, in a girl’s eyes. One of the strategies commonly used for building confidence is projecting yourself as a confident person. Even if you don’t feel confident pretend to be confident-the attitude will probably soon enter your mind.

  2. Don’t brag:

    Bragging is the other extreme which you need to avoid like plague when it comes to impressing a girl. Are you one of those men who think talking about themselves and their achievements is a way of giving the girl reasons to like them? You couldn’t be more wrong. First of all truth speaks for itself. Everyone knows who you are and what you are (at least I hope so). If the girl finds that interesting she’ll be impressed, and if she doesn’t she won’t be. You can’t change anything by your words. Secondly people who brag come across as self-obsessed. At least I wouldn’t think of getting into a relationship with someone who’s so sickly in love with himself that he wouldn’t give me the importance of an equal.

  3. Make her laugh:

    A sense of humor is usually a major turn on for women. Making someone laugh is making a connection with the child inside them. If you can make a girl laugh you’re most likely already in her good books. Besides, every girl wants to be with someone they can look up to and admire. If you’re proud of your intelligence, making her laugh is the best way of showing it off.

  4. Your looks matter:

    If you’re under the impression that only women need to take care of their appearance and look beautiful, think again. A relationship is basically the human, civilized version of the primordial instincts nature has given us. And so looks helps create the first attraction. Pay attention to your clothes, hairstyle etc. before going to meet her.

  5. Praise her looks subtly:

    Nothing makes a girl feel more feminine than her physical beauty being appreciated by a man. Compliment her on her looks confidently. But do it subtly and never do it before you’ve known each other for some time. If she’s really beautiful you need to be extra cautious-she’s too used to compliments and will write you off as just another honey-thirsty bee if the first thing you say to her is a compliment on her looks!

  6. Be a friend:

    If you want to earn a girl’s trust you have to first be her friend. Never make the mistake of hinting her of your romantic ambitions right from the word go. Spend some time getting to know her as a person, finding out about her beliefs, likes and dislikes, ambitions, hobbies and philosophy of life. If you have taken due care to really understand her, you’re almost sure to earn her affection in the near future.

Anything important that I missed out?