Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!

I belong to caste A, my boyfriend belongs to caste B. We have been together for two years. None of our parents are OK with an inter-caste marriage. But we are unable to live without each other. Our parents take the reactions of their relatives and neighbours way more seriously than our feelings. They’re telling us about the loss of face in their respective societies that they’ll have to suffer if this marriage happens. His parents even want dowry which my parents are unable to provide. How can we convince them? Please tell me. We want to marry with those precious blessings only and we’re ready to wait till we get them.

Here’s the actual comment from Shrivalli.

Parents are not agreeing to marriagePhoto by keeping it real

On the average I get about three such queries every day and they make me sad and angry. Very angry.

I feel – what in the name of God are we doing to our younger generation? How can some dogmatic parents have so little regard for the happiness of – not a random guy on the street but – their own child!

Boys and girls (and don’t demand to be called men and women. If I could find the me of your age somewhere I’d have called myself a baby. Well, on second thoughts there are people who’d still call me a baby and their number is more than two, but I digress again… ;) ). In my experience of talking to, consoling and counselling scores of young people like you, I’ve observed that there are three golden rules of dealing with parents who are real tough nuts to crack, and I thought I’ll lay them down today, fuming as I am.

Have you noted that I said “dealing with”, not “convincing”? You’ll soon find out why.

Rule #1. Your life belongs to YOU.

Not your parents, not your spouse.

You’ll never make everyone happy. Take it from me – it’s rarely possible.

Of course the first step is to try to convince your parents. And you’ll do that to the best of your abilities. However, if it proves impossible, you need to take a stand – one way or the other.

If you have to take a stand that involves sacrificing someone’s happiness for someone else’s, whose happiness will you choose?

Surprise! Surprise! The answer is – yours.

Be very clear in your mind.

It’s not about choosing your boyfriend or girlfriend over your parents. It’s about choosing yourself over everyone else.

Let’s face it – life is all about making choices. Making choices that make you happier. Not happy, but happier, than making any other choice.

Will it not make you unhappy to irk your parents by marrying against their wish? Of course.

Will it not make you unhappy to say goodbye forever to the person you love?

Of course.

Be selfish and choose the option that makes you the least unhappy, and then let go.  

How? Read on to find out.

Rule #2. If someone’s paying for your food, you’d better do as they say

If you’re financially dependent on anyone, you can never be fully free. Period. It’s a sad fact and it’s time you stopped burying your head in the sand.

People facing pressures from their parents are usually young people just starting out in their careers. In most cases they’ve either not started earning, or are still financially partly dependent on their parents.

Parents are not agreeing to marriagePhoto by starush

If neither you nor your boyfriend/girlfriend is earning – work on that before working on anything else. If your parents are paying for you, you’d better do as they say. I’m sorry, but there are no ways of going against reality.

Does that mean money is the only language that you can use – even with your closest family? No. But it gives you the mental strength and confidence to even believe that you can make your own decisions. And you have no idea about the power of that belief.

Why? Go to Rule #3 for that.

If between the two of you you’re earning an amount which won’t allow for the maintenance of the same standard of living you currently enjoy – well, that’s a call you need to take. Again, you need to choose the option that makes you the least unhappy:

Option #1: Embark on a radically new life. A life with the man/woman you love, a life of absolute freedom, but one which offers drastically lower levels of material comfort than you currently enjoy.  

Option #2: Decide that you won’t be able to adjust to the above reality of a reduced standard of living and say goodbye to the man/woman you love.

There’s nothing wrong with choosing either of these options.

I repeat – There’s nothing wrong with choosing either of these options.

Keep the guilt and the emotions out temporarily. Get your head clear. Make a rational, practical and well-thought out decision, and prepare yourself mentally for the consequences. Don’t go into a hailstorm of remorse when those consequences become reality, because you know that you can’t have it all and you’ve made the best decision.

Rule #3. Cost-benefit analysis always works

This world works on cost-benefit analyses. The costs and benefits can be purely emotional. That analysis might happen in our minds entirely unconsciously. But it’s a rule of Nature that it happens. In fact it’s crucial to our survival.

Let’s take the example of your parents’ decision of allowing you to marry your girlfriend/boyfriend.

Decision

Benefits for your parents

Costs for your parents

If I say “Yes”

My child will be happy.

I might lose face in the community due to the marriage being inter-caste.

If I say “No”

No loss of face in the community.

My child will be unhappy.

 

I think it’s very clear that their child’s happiness – while important – is not a determining factor for them so far as this decision is concerned. (Otherwise why on Earth would they deliberately want their child to get married to someone other than the one they’re already deeply in love with?)

Now put yourself in your parents’ shoes. Is it looking very compelling to say a “yes” at the cost of losing face to the community?

Probably not.

Now look at this one:

Decision

Benefits for your parents

Costs for your parents

If I say “Yes”

My child will be happy.

I might lose face in the community due to an inter caste marriage of my child.

If I say “No”

My child will be unhappy.

My child will get married to their girlfriend/boyfriend, leave home and cut off contacts with me. Hence I’ll lose face in the community.

 

What does that look like to you now?

I know countless inter-caste couples who have tried to convince their parents, failed and then gone ahead to get married anyway, leaving their parents’ home.

You know what?

In 100% of the cases, the parents’ accepted them within one year of getting married.* :)

Blackmail? So be it. If that’s the tried, tested and fully working method, please help yourselves. ;)

All the best. :)

*[Update: As pointed out by some readers, this requires some clarifications. When I say “100% of the cases”, I mean 100% of the cases that I know of. Going ahead with your decision is not a guaranteed way of turning your parents around, but the best shot you have at it.
In my opinion, if they don’t turn around and decide to disown you forever – well, that’s the best proof of your decision having been the correct one. ;)]

321 thoughts on “Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!”

      1. loveinindia, can i get your chat id..want to discuss on some very serious issue about my love life…its hurting me alot and i need urgent help..plz reply..

      2. my n my gal frn both are doctors…due to small diff in castes.gal father was doing hell..we cant live separated..plz give some idea to convence him

    1. Hey, happened to visit this blog. I appreciate the way things are seen from a practical viewpoint. However in love marriages, a lot of emotions are involved which makes the situations quite tensing. I am a girl from Haryana working in a good organization with a decent income, the guy whom i love works with tripple than my income and with a top MNC. age gap is 4 years. The only problem is I am from a typical jaat family and he is another caste.
      I have tried ALL possible things to convince my parents. To all surprises, i have been beaten, terrorised by Honour killings, got locked up in room, got paralysis, fevers, Everything. Everytime they cross lines, to cool down things, I tell them that i will do according to their wish. But now i am 29yrs!!! BF is 32 years!!! Peak time to think-What next!!!, But i know even if i elope they will kill us. I am such a emotional fool that even now i want to convince them. i start crying of thinking my own situation.
      We talk a lot about parents, sacrifices, But this also is one aspect, Rude parents can go to any extent.
      The only option we are left is to leave jobs and try for any other country VISA. only God knows what will happen then?
      Tell me India – Any suggestions now, Any answers???

        1. hi,
          im in love with one guy,wo is belong to SC(Holayars),where we belongs to gowdas(Vokkaligas). but my parents doesnot know the caste of the guy,if they came to know,either they will die,else they may kill me,my parents are very aged facing health issues, i cannot come out of home also as i m only daughter in my family,also we cannot break our relation.as the guy is loving me a lot,we are planing to lie my parents & get marry?is this is correct so how to go about this,please help

        2. Hi,

          I am 28 years old and waiting for my love to get marry from last 3 years. I am in love with same age boy and in relation ship from last 4 years. But my BF family came to know about our relation last year. My BF has told to them last year itself. That time they were not ready. It was going like nononon. Finally my parents came to meet thm but only his mom and sis met to my parents. His sis ok with me. Now my marriage got fixed and only ten days left but still his parents are not ready. Their family is not at all ready. My BF tried lot to convince them but they are telling society ont accept thm if he will marry with other caste girl. At the time of fixing marriage date they were some how ok. Recently their relative came to know about our marriage and every one is comming to his home one one day and they are making his family scared that if you son will marry other caste we will not accept u and ur son in our society. They are not having food neither sleep. In my family recently my jiju n di came to know about all these. The problem is only 10 days left for our marriage and their parents are worried for society n all and telling not to marry me. My BF also got tired with convincing them. Daily they are having arguments. I am not getting wat to do.

          1. I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when I went to see my friend in
            Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr shamba he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell.I’m now happy & a living testimony because the man I had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3 years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when I met this spell caster, I told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first I was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but I just gave it a try And in 7 days when I returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it because the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all I wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our baby, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is (prophetshamba@hotmail.com)

        3. Hey love india!!

          My problem is a bit different. I am in love with a guy.Initially my parents were in favor of it but his family was not in favor.My parents like kind of waited for 6 months for his family to agree but since they were not agreeing my family gave up and started searching for another proposal for me.Now the situation is that i have got engaged somewhere else and marriage is fixed,of course iam not happy about it as i still want to be with my boyfriend.Meanwhile all these days my boyfriend was convincing his family.He was putting all his efforts to convince his parents despite of knowing the fact that i am getting engaged some where else.Now finally he has succeeded convincing his parents and wants to talk to my parents.I am really scared ,whether my parents will agree or not as a formal engagement has happened with some other guy.So how will they face the society ,what will they tell to guys family,etc.At the same time i know i will be happy only with my boyfriend and so he.I don’t want to hurt my parents but at the same time cant live without my boyfriend also.

          Please help me loveindia!!How can i make my parents agree about it.What can we do so that my parents don’t get embarrassed in front of the society and that guy’s family.

          Please help me out….

      1. i m in a relationship with a girl for 2 years.i’m jobless.And she is working in a school as a teacher. We both truly love each other.The problem is that her parents don’t want this to happen. They are very dangerous.You know what,the day when her younger sister came to know about our relationship,she slapped her in front of her mother.And her mother too.Another reason could be,we both are neighbour’s.Her mother has very dominating kind of nature.Yesterday , she (gf) told me that her mother will never convince,as she said “if you marry him,i will kill myself” My first priority is to get a job so that i can convince her mother.But i dont think her parents will ever going to convince.we both are asking you “What to do”
        We both are from same Caste (Gen)

        1. Helo abhishek…. I hav read wht u metiond here am crossng through the same situation brother…. I also need ur help plzz let me knw what shuld i do am also jobless n my gf is 3yrs eldr den me and her family forcng her to be gt marrd. How could i convinc dem as i unemplod…. I really love her i wuldnt bear dis if in any case she wuld hav to lev me… Help me dear plzz i beg u i need ur hlp seriously… My cell no. Is 8146552315

        2. Hello,Abhishek,
          I suggest firstly you have to get a job. And after that lay down on her mother’s feet and tell her how much you love her daughter and also ask you parents to help you to convince her parents

          All the Best

      2. Well, let’s get this straight. You & your Bf are MORONS.

        Get out of this shitty nation, forget your moronic families & live happy lives in a civilized nation. You owe your family NOTHING. Get that into your head & grow some balls :P & tell the jerk who’s your BF to do the same.

        Best of luck.

      3. Dear Anny

        I could understand what you are upto….if you think going outside the county..well that could be the best choice. I am a guy in love with a ma girlfriend…your option is good.

        Do not think no time left then..i personally think this is the best option for you!

        Good luck with whatever decision you make.
        Cheers!

      4. hi anny I m from punjab my prblm is same like u my guy nd me has same fear he said that he loves me but he will not manage my parents he also told his mother will also not accept me becoz I m mangleek I truely love him I can’t live without him he said plz forget me nd start ur new life he can’t understand my pain he leave me due to my parents I m in dipressed situation even now I want to commit sucide I never forget him can anybody help me
        I beg you

  1. 100%?? Are you sure?
    Out of the 4 love matches I’ve known, I know in 2 cases the parents have practically disowned them!

    1. Hey JJ! Thanks for sharing that example.
      Well, whoever I know who has tried this was fortunate enough to have parents who were stubborn, but – going by their subsequent reaction as I mentioned – not so stubborn.
      When I say take your decision, I don’t mean take your decision with a 100% guarantee that your parents will come around. I mean that’s the best chance you have at turning them around when everything fails. If they don’t turn around – well that’s a possibility you have to take into account. A parent who disowned their child forever for choosing happiness was never worth sacrificing that happiness anyway. :) So if the parents disown you for taking your own decision regarding something as personal as marriage – there couldn’t have been a better way of validating your decision. :)

  2. d method pinpointed here about analyzing-something like d swot analysis…it will really help in coming to a wise, well thought decision

    & thanks for bringing d point up “1 can never make every1 happy”

  3. Hi
    M an rajput girl n m in love wth a brahmin boy..i velong to a very traditional cultural joint family full of bade papa..my papa..2 uncles …n alltogether 10kids …..
    Me n my love we hv been together for 11 yrs now n niw we both r of 28 in age… ny parents wants me to get married …they did get one proposal but i refused …n now i need to convince my parents for my love …. my elder uncle did love marriage but bhaag ke wth d same caste …;) …. d boys family excepts me already but i want to get married wth d yes of my family also …. i dont want to hurt them… plz help me wth ur guidence..
    Angle princess

    1. Hey Rajput pricess! ;)
      Couple of observations:
      1. Your family may be traditional, but they’re not as closed-minded as the typical Indian family. Otherwise they wouldn’t have allowed you to remain unmarried till the age of 28 – well into “marriageable age bracket” going by Indian standards. ;)
      2. One of your uncles ELOPED!!
      3. You already have the go-ahead of the guys’ family.

      So congratulations, and relax. Half your battle is already won. :)

      I suggest you introduce your guy to your parents as a friend, work on having them impressed by him as a person (without considering marriage with you etc.), and see how it goes. Keep me posted!
      How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage
      How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents
      All the best. :)

      1. i am loving a girl since one and half year

        she loves me so much

        but our parents did’nt agree.

        they are saying that i have to loose one of them either my girl or my my parents

        which one i have to choose ?

        i need both my girl and my parents!

        i really in a great confusion

        but i can surely assure that i can’t live my life without her

        plz suggest me what i had to do!

        1. Me too facing similar problems.
          Sand witched between parents and gf. Please help .
          What did you do..need suggestions.

          Parents not happy with in laws financial stature. Only girl.
          Mom in fear of loosing me.

      2. Hi I need help please help me ……..:( :(

        I am in love with one girl from last 4 years. She told to their parents about love few years back. They accepted and they are asking when we will be marriage like that but due to few family problems i did not inform my love to my parents due to this reason it’s delayed. And some times i showed my angry on my gf at few situations and she felt bad and inform the same to their parents. Due to this delay and due to my angry now they are not willing to accept me. But i am giving financial support to her family from last 1.5 years.This my gf parents also know. Now my gf is telling that my parents will not accept you please leave me (she is telling but still is in love with me, and she is telling my parents are important that you like that because already my gf brother left from home few years back.My gf mother suffering with paralasis.).Now i am going to reveal my love in home soon. But still i have a doubt about my gf parents. She is suffering a lot. Even me too. I thoughts are going towards suicide :( :( . Please help me how can i resolve this issue. If my gf parents accepts me she is ready to marry me. We both are working. So sad :( :( :(

      3. hey love in india,
        I am facing same problem in my family but in a different way, we are three siblings and my sister is already married in rich… rich family, although she was in love with a guy of another caste, but she chose parents for love, and now she is against love marriage .
        my brother is younger than me but my parents listen to him for every decisions.
        the problem here is none of my family member is in support of me….. please help..they are torturing me…and saying that they will die..

  4. Hi.. Am 21yrs old hindu ma bf is 29yrs old christian.. We were in love before five years due to personal reasons we broke up and now again we are in love for past eight months.. We both wanted to get married.. I tried to convince ma parents they are very stubborn against inter caste marriage . . Ma boy friend dont want to get married against parents decision. . Dont know what to do.. Am quite confused.. Am sure i need him for rest of ma life..

    1. Vaishnavi, there are two issues here.
      1. Your commitment and its challenges: Check this – The 5 Main Challenges of an Inter-Religious Marriage and How to Overcome Them
      2. Overcoming resistance from your parents: First off, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-religious marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that there resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
      Let me know how things go.
      All the best! :)

      1. Hi there, I am an Asian gal who was recently involved with an Indian man. His parents refused to accept me and he do not want to make them unhappy so he ended up giving me up and just recently got engage when an Indian gal of their caste and sub class. Sad thing is, he sent me a photo of them together and I could not even imagine why do I have to get a copy of their photo. I do not know if he is sad and still thinks of me and showed me his sad fate or was just his way of saying I am over you.

    2. Hi ,

      I have a similar problem ,please send me the email i can help you ,lets not discuss this on the public forum lets take the discussion on the email

  5. I’m a 27 year old Indian girl in love with a 25 year old guy. Tried convincing my parents for the past one year but to no avail. I earn quite well (me being a double post-graduate)…well over the average Indian salary but my boyfriend earns just enough (he is a fitness instructor). My parents see this match as taboo as he is younger to me and also earns less. They have decided to cut ties with me once I decide to go ahead and marry my boyfriend. I love my parents and understand their concern and anxiety but there is no way to convince them otherwise. They have told me not to have any hopes for reconciliation even few years down the line. My dad says he is fully capable of disowning me as he has already cut family ties to his own siblings. :(

    1. Roopa, there are two issues here.
      1. Your commitment and its challenges: The concern your parents have is not baseless. Financial issues are the biggest marriage killer all over the world. I’m by no means saying people can’t marry at a high income difference. But ask yourself – are you sure you’d never have any regrets for not marrying someone more “appropriate” for you by society’s standards? I don’t know how long you’ve known him, but I would recommend spending at least 2-3 years together before you start planning for marriage.
      2. Overcoming resistance from your parents: First off, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for this marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that there resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take the more direct approach outlined in this article. ;)
      Let me know how things go.
      All the best! :)

      1. Hi loveinindia,
        1. I dont think I’d regret not marrying someone more “appropriate” by societies standards. With someone who may be perfect for me according to societies standards…I may lack that spark, that something that makes me smile when I see them and make me think life is beautiful. Sure…life would be comfortable, I wouldnt have to work, enjoy the luxuries of life. But then, is that all what marriage is about? Boring and routine with someone to whom you are not attracted to…I’d have to just pretend to be happy for the rest of my life for the sake of my parents.

        On the other hand, if I do marry my boyfriend….maybe life will be tough financially…maybe it wont. I do earn quite well….cant I not be happy with our combined income? Where is it written that a guy must always earn more than the girl? Why cant it be the other way round?

        My parents problem is that as a girl, there might be a few situations in life (like the birth of a baby) and thereafter when my working would not be possible and hence the guy should earn considerable amount to support for my lack of income. But then…we’ve been doing some financial planning and some smart investments to help during such periods.

        When there are financial troubles even arranged marriages are under stress. But what keeps a couple together is not the money but the love in times of trouble. If I marry someone just for appearances, I’m not sure if I’ll ever love that person…I might just be in it for appearances and thats not the way I want to live the rest of my life.

        2. I did introduce my boyfriend as a friend to my parents. They spoke well of him and liked him. But I had to disclose that I was in live with him within 4 months of them knowing him. And all hell broke loose.

        I understand my parents worry. They think we are incompatibile because of not just our income, but age (2 yrs gap…me being older) and the fact that physically, we may not be the perfect couple! (I’m a bit taller than him)!!….but the thing is….I’ve never met such a wonderful, kind and understanding person in my life. We are truely compatable in the way we think and communicate with each other. I’ve known him for 2 yrs now.

        I’ve told my parents not to arrange any more matrimonial alliances for me (which they have been over the past 2 yrs)…I have also threatened them that I’ll remain single forever and looks like they have resigned to the fact that I may be single
        forever than allowing me to marry my boyfriend!! What do I do now??
        Your advice is appreciated.

    2. I am an Asian gal who was recently involved with an Indian man. I do not know why parents views should matter but I do know that both of you should be strong enough if they will do things to disown you in a year or two. You two should be sure that you love each other and not blame your love why they did that. All in all is not going to make any party 100% happy. What matters the most? Your happiness with the one you love or them and you cry in silence? You both can surely try to prove them wrong and at least help the rest of young Indian families open their minds so the world will be more open than what you all have now.

      1. “You’re not going to make any party 100% happy”. You’ve hit the nail on the head with that Alyssa.
        Thanks for sharing your thoughts. They’re especially valuable to my readers coming from someone who’s outside our culture but knows our culture through their partner. :)

    3. if you marry the fitness instructor you will get only health tips but if you understand the feeling of your father and mother you will get blessing so it is upto you , you want health tips or blessings

  6. want to hear some points on emotional blackmailing by parents. What if they say they are physically not well and all this tension is making it just worse (perhaps a high BP).
    #not my case
    #not anyone’s case I know

    1. Hmm…That’s a tricky situation really.
      This is how I see it: If you expect your child to love/respect you, you should earn it. In other words if you expect your child to sacrifice their happiness for you, you as a parent should first show that you put your child’s happiness above everything else. To me, that’s what being a parent is all about.
      As I’ve mentioned, I don’t believe parents who put their “honour in the society” above their child’s happiness deserve the importance/love from their children that would make them sacrifice their entire life (knowingly marrying someone other than the one you love is a life-destroying sacrifice).
      If the emotional blackmailing scenario does arise, the only middle ground is to refuse to get married at all. You should say, “OK. I’d not get married to my boyfriend/girlfriend if that gives you a heart attack. But in that case I can’t get married right now. I don’t know when I’d get married. And I’m not changing that decision under any circumstances.”
      It can still be acceptable if your parent feels hurt by your choice of a certain person as your life partner – they might have their own reasons to feel concerned. They might have genuine reasons to believe that you’ll not be happy in that marriage and that’s understandable. However what’s totally unacceptable under any circumstances – including the one in which they threaten you with an impending heart attack ;) – is your agreeing to marry someone they chose at a time they chose.
      There, you should put your foot down.
      What most controlling parents try to do in their attempt to stop their child from marrying the “wrong” guy/girl is to get them married off elsewhere as soon as possible. That’s a situation you have full rights to refuse under any circumstances and you should exercise those rights. :D
      What usually happens is ailing parents eventually give in, when they realize their child will not marry anyone other than the one of their choice.
      Even if they don’t give in immediately, they will eventually. And you can always outsmart them in the waiting game. ;)

      1. Really good analytical way to explain this big issue but,
        the parents don’t look at this view and pressurize to get married with their way.
        In case they don’t want to even listen the truth, what we can do for getting our life time happiness as we both are happy to live together spend part life together.

        Issue is, my girlfriend wants to make her parents convinced at least agreed. Our cast is same education level is same, issue is they want to show in their society a high-fy marriage. I am settled on a good position but my financials background is not upto their requirement.
        what should i do to get married with my love one. Could you please suggest?

      2. HI.. i have the same situation like dis.. my bf’s parents are blackmailing that if u marry my bf’s dad will get heart attack like that.. my guy already told them that if they wont agree, he wont marry anyone other than me.. but still no good response.. they said let’s see that on future.. :(
        Tell me a solution how can my bf convince his parents on this situation..

  7. hi.i need ur help .m frm mumbai and m south indian and my gf is a christian.her family is bit strict abt religion as dey go for sunday mass for prayer and her mom had a heart attack.recently dey visited goa native of my gf.and asking abt d marriage.nw my gf is scared to tel her mom abt d relation as her mom s a heart patient the plus point is dat her mom has a doubt dat v bth r dating as she saw d msgs on face book.cn u help me hw to tel her mom dat v actually r dating for 2 yrs

    1. Vinyas, there are two issues here.
      1. Your commitment and its challenges: Check this – The 5 Main Challenges of an Inter-Religious Marriage and How to Overcome Them
      2. Overcoming resistance from your parents: First off, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-religious marriage will not be a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get introduced to her parents as a friend (without any discussion of marriage, let them see the PERSON that you are, without thinking of marriage) so that there resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
      Let me know how things go.
      All the best! :)

  8. Thanku for d reply …its means lot to me..:)
    D problem here z culture …difference they think wht d relatives r gonna say n all dat …
    N in my family girls dont evn look at boys ..all dat pardah system …thoda bohot hai …not all dat tough..
    Its like a huge shock for my parents to evn believe i could do such a thing …as i dont evn go out also …
    I m talking to my love through cell given by him which no body knows at my place since 11 yrs..;)
    Just like it happens in movie …not seen each other but we keep meeting coincidently n dat moment feels like heaven …:) .. but since one yr i hv got skype in my cell …d gud part here…
    My love z somtimes so scared to evn face my so called rajput family dat he starts freaking out …but i keep motivating him to stay strong ..face d fear …n hope for d best…

    Angel princess

    1. What are you saying?? 11 years?? Was that a typo? Did you mean 1 year? Coz if not I really have to say hats off to you. Your love and commitment have really earned my respect. 11 years!!
      There’s a voluntary organization for helping couples facing pressures from their families, like in your case. They’re very active in North India. They’re called the Love Commandos. Read their story here and please feel free to contact them if you feel tehre’s a serious threat to the health of you/your boyfriend. Interview with Love Commandos leadership
      Let me knwo what you think.
      :)

    2. i belong to rajput family toooo….. i totally agree wid u….. i dnt understnd why stilll people follow PURDAH SYSTEM, “beware from boys concept”……
      it happens in my family tooo

      1. It’s a sad reality, which will NOT change unless young people like you dare to fight against it. Social ills which drive wedges through families are difficult to eradicate. But this will not happen unless you, the victims, take action.

    3. hi im female my guy doing b e final year at chennai
      i n my guy loving each other v both r same caste bt i n his parents r not accepting fr my luv bcoz dey r telling tat in long distance relationshipppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp…………………………………….u both doesnt get match in proper manner sumhow if v calculate he s lyk brother n she s u sister if u both get marry v cant show d face in our village our espect ll lose in society bt i wont accept dis pls suggest some idea

  9. Hi ..
    .i really like d way u approach d subjest..:)
    Wish i could send some chocolates to u for ur support on dis matter…:) :)
    Like i said b4 my age z 28 ..n i dint get married till now or dint fell d pressure from my family for getting married wz bcoz my janampatri wz sent to 13 places n it did not match to none of them… at last it matched one guy n i refused 13th proposal also.. i asked them dat give me 1 yr n dan ill get married ..i asked 4 one yr so dat i could convince dem 4 my love .. i really love him n he also loves me a lot ..n he refuses to get married to any other girl ..( n i love dat ;) :) :) ) all i want z dat my entire family where i hv 3 fathers n 4 mothers to convince …so dat i get married by there blessings …SHOW ME D WAY TO CONVINCE THEM.. its like a huge thing 4 them to evn hear there daughter speak about a boy in such a way…
    I hv waited for 11 yrs n i dont want dis moment to go away … n dat help from d north commandos sounds cool …;) but it wont work here …..dats d bad part… we r 4 sisters 2 got married already n m on 3 no. D boy for d 4th sister z already in search ..n whn i say yes for marriage dan only my other brothers n sister gets d way to b married …
    1) my family hs d pressure of a girl at d age of 28 n still unmarried …wht will d pple n relatives say…
    2) whn i say yes n d train of marrage for my remaining 6 brothrs will start ..plus one 1 younger sister of 24..age ..
    3) in one of my other close relaties my cousin brother loved an maharastrain girl but d family members forced him to marry a rajput girl n ultimately aftr 2 yrs …my cousin divorsed her …bcoz none of them wz happy n he dint evn get d maharstrian girl bcoz d bad things she got 2 hear from d boys family… d end result 3 lives hv been ruined in d end..
    4) its a culture here dat a rajput girl gets married only once ..in her life n dan whtso evr happens she doesnt gets to get married again …
    5) suggest a peaceful way of convincing my enitre joint family ..
    Plz help so dat my one time z wth my love only ..he z d only reason my heart beats wthin me ..n i feel unconditional love for him…
    Thanku u ..
    Angel princess

    1. Angel, the only way I can see is for you to convince them with your love. Even though I think a more realistic solution would be to secretly get married to your love and give your family the news later (or run away and not give them the news at all, if you fear for your or his life). This solution might sound imperfect, but given the stance of your family (not very different from the stance of thousands of orthodox Indian families) I don’t see much chance of convincing them. They obviously cannot afford to care for the happiness of their children. Your cousin’s life is the proof. You have to either knowingly choose a life of torture like him, or write off any chances of gaining their approval (which is non-existent anyway, as we both know) and take the plunge – yes – WITHOUT their consent. Remember, your cousin was a guy so he gained his freedom through divorce after two years of unhappy marriage. But you’re a girl and the road to freedom will be incredible more difficult for you, if at all it exists.
      Take your decisions carefully Angel. I’d always advocate choosing your own happiness over that of people who quite obviously couldn’t care less about your happiness. God bless Angel. I pray for your freedom. :)

  10. i don’t know how your stories goes so far, because mine isn’t started even. I proposed a gal in ma office, n she refused it. Shameless gal.
    Well, the problem discussed in the article, isn’t impossible to solve. When we were child, our parents stopped us to eat the unhealthy but attractive looking things. They gave us birth, food, care, love, money and everything they had. Then how can we force them to be agree with the things they are not satisfied with.
    Think twice.
    Well, respect them, talk to them, if they became agree then it’s perfect, but don’t force them.

    1. Gaurav, this is not about forcing your parents to do anything. This is about preventing anyone – including your parents – from forcing you to do something that you don’t want to do.
      According to your line of reasoning children are equivalent to slaves. You pay for all their expenditures when they’re kids and hence you own them for the rest of their lives, right? Wrong. That’s not what being a parent is all about. If your parents are unable to understand that you’re an independent adult human being, and assume that you’re their slave because they’ve paid for you as a kid – well, their sense of reality is disoriented and they shouldn’t have been parents in the first place.
      Choose happiness. First your own, then others’. If you let others control your life you can make neither them nor yourself happy. Let’s say today you make a sacrifice by ditching your long-term partner for a guy/girl your parents chose, just to make them happy. What if tomorrow your parents want to dictate when to have children and feel “unhappy” if you don’t abide by their rules? Thus, there’s no end to this never-ending tailspin of parent-pleasing. It gets everyone into anger and depression in the long run.
      Let me repeat, choose happiness. :)

      1. Hello LoviInIndia, I am really impressed the way your responses are and trying to help the troubled Young people around here, because I am one of them.

        I had been wanted to post my problem to you but the trigger for my reply is your above response. I see that you might not have a good relationship with your parents or so… I agree there might be parents who are stubborn but not every one are like that because they see their children like slaves.

        This particular comment of yours is highly not acceptable. Do you weigh the relation ship of parents to money ? No, parents never see it that way. They have emotional bonding, they take utmost care about their children while raising. Probably you would know it once you raise your kids.

        The issue would generally be the understanding, beliefs, generation.

        This can be categorized into two ways
        1. Generation Difference/Cultural Difference/Belief System:

        For example in the current generation- How do “you” feel if “your” son wants to marry another boy(gay), or if “your” daughter wants to marry another girl(lesbian) (I am slightly exaggerating to make the point understandable).
        Disgusting is it , that’s the same thing they feel. You argue everything that it is ok that I marry some one else of that kind etc. They wont get convinced they have their strong belief system that this would not work. So they do not allow, they cant and they never.

        2. Another Case is: They believe 100 % or even more that you are a kid and you don’t know how reality is, marriage once made is for a life time, so under their control they don’t want their daughter/son to fall in trouble’s hand. So they never agree and also will threaten to disown.
        They might have another idea in their mind that if you(son/daughter) have the confidence that you could go out and live your life , then you are ready(you could with stand) to face all the issues (Due to cultural differences/society issues) and hence they would not agree for the marriage in any condition.
        This is for all good/loving/caring parents, but might not be true for bad parents. – How do you distinguish between good and bad parents – If you think that I love my Mom/Dad and I cant hurt them, they had done a lot for us – that means you have good parents. – If you don’t even care, that means they did not give you enough love.

        So, all I am saying is
        1. Parents don’t think of kids as slaves etc – Speaking/Thinking that they are doing everything for their own selfish is the 2nd worst thing you could tell to them(only more worst is your thought of suicide).
        2. Parents do really care about you but they don’t generally approve because of their belief that this marriage is not viable in current social/cultural/economical/lovable conditions based on your relation ship which might be 100% true.

        Only thing we as youngsters could do is –
        1. Analyze ourselves with help of whom ever possible if your current love is viable(of course it would be), once you are concluded.
        2. Propose your parents about your loved once and re-analyze.
        3. If they disagree
        a. Talk to them – I know this is the biggest hurdle for a lot of people, but trust me the earliest you do this is the best.
        All initial talks would be too much emotional, just don’t get away from this,
        You need to be confident yourselves what you are telling and
        Always tell that you are not going away from parents and
        Give all the strong points how you will be happy with the girl/boy -> This is really important.
        Convince parents each and every item what they are discussing – Everything needs to be validated by both sides.
        Parents will also have hard time to talk all this because they are also facing this crisis for the first time. So be gentle with them, never ever cross the line, always keep their ego satisfied and make your points.

        Good Luck guys, ending note is your parents are the best guys, they could have left you any time. Its not like ” Every one will raise their kids, every thing is normal” in that case counter argument should be “Every one will marry in their own caste/culture/ as decided by parents”, So don’t consider these. –>
        It is their(parents) life they are giving to you when they raise you. Mother literally gives her first 2 years completely to you and 50- 100 % of rest of her life depending on her job/love on you. Father literally spends most of his tension to care for you.

        Good Luck guys.

  11. Hi
    M a Hindu from India and my guy is a Muslim from Pakistan. Both of us working in dubai and have a stable job. We have been together for last two years and after understanding each other , we want to marry. I ve met his family and they don’t hav an issue. My parents do not agree and they don’t even want to meet the guy. They say they can’t allow me getting married to Muslim. My mom is blackmailing and tells me dat she ll commit suicide if I dnt leave him. Seeing this, I told her dat ok I ll leave him but I won’t get married to anybody else. Then she stopped eating food and went on a hunger strike until I say yes for the marriage. Den I fell for it and promised her ok I am ready to get married. But I love my bf a lot and I can’t live without him. We are still together searching for the solution. We that of registered marriage but I am afraid if my mom and dad will be able to handle this shock. I love them too and will not be able to bear the guilt if god forbids something happens to my parents because of me.

    1. Naina, there are two issues here.
      1. Your commitment and its challenges: Check this – The 5 Main Challenges of an Inter-Religious Marriage and How to Overcome Them
      2. Overcoming resistance from your parents: First of all, I’m glad that you have at least one set of parents on your side. If you’ve read the article you’re commenting on you’d know that’s an incredibly lucky scenario. Given the country you and I come from, that is. ;)
      However, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-religious marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet, given the different countries, but they can talk over the phone and chat on video maybe?)
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
      Let me tell you something Naina – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
      And emotional blackmailing? You really think you’re being fair to yourself when you give in to such distasteful tactics used by your parents against not a random guy on the street but their own child? I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Your parents clearly don’t value your happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way their acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin your life just to have their way, don’t be hesitant to choose your life over their happiness. Please. You owe yourself this much.
      Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
      All the best! :)

  12. Pls help, I love a girl who is a baniya n I am a kshatriya. My gf parents are agreeing for our marriage but my parents are not agreeing. I explained them tht I wont b happy with any other girl. They say if I marry any other girl, our uncles n aunts might break relations n they will also have bad face in society. Moreover my dad is a govt officer n has seen tht the caste system is not tht imp but still he is not understanding. What shall I do.

  13. I love a girl who is a baniya living in delhi n I am kshatriya living in bombay. Girl also loves me n her parents are also ready for our marriage. But the problem is from my side. My parents are not agreeing for our marriage. I tried to convince them. But they are saying tht society might boycott them. My father Being elder in family also says tht marriage of ur cousins would become a problem if I do inter caste marriage. My dad is a govt officer n has seen development of society n inter caste marriage. But still he is not ready for my marriage with tht girl. I explained all positive outlooks of the girl, but they are not even ready to meet her, so tht they can knw her better. Pls help. How can I convince my parents. I do not want to loose tht girl.

    Pls help

  14. hi.. i am a 24y brahmin girl in love with a non brahmin tamilian,our horoscopes dont at all tally.. its even said that we may end in a divorce or death we have tried convincing my parents about us getting married but my dad is a stonch horoscope follower and is completey against it.. however his parents agree and even they tried to convince my dad but he has a strict no.. i have even seen other alliances during this period but dint like anyone.. my parents are not at all ready.. its an year of struggle till now.. i dont wat to hurt them what do i do???

    1. First of all, I’m glad that you have at least one set of parents on your side. If you’ve read the article you’re commenting on you’d know that’s an incredibly lucky scenario. Given the country you and I come from, that is. ;)
      First off, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for this marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your girlfriend to impress your parents the right way so that there resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage.
      Let me tell you something Rohan – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
      Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)

  15. I am a boy of kshatriya caste n the girl I love is a baniya. I live in mumbai n she lives in delhi. We love each other n want to get married. Main part here is tht girl parents areready for our marriage but they wawant our parents concern also for the marriage. But my parents are not agreeing due to society saying tht as father he is elder in family n marriage of my small cousins could cause a prblm. Moreover uncle n aunts would break ties with us n even society. It has never happened in our home as what my father says. Moreover, my father is govt employee n has seen the society development but still denies for our marriage n mymparents are not even ready to meet the girl once. Kindly suggest

    1. Rohan,
      Congratulations. Half your battle is won. You have at least one set of parents on your side. If you’ve read the article you’re commenting on you’d know that’s an incredibly lucky scenario. Given the country you and I come from, that is. ;)
      First off, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for this marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your girlfriend to impress your parents the right way so that there resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage.
      A third option for you is to get help from the girl’s parents. They’re elderly – of similar age, experience and maturity as your parents. Maybe if they approach your parents with a marriage proposal they might agree? (Of course don’t even think about trying this if your parents are the kind of people who might overtly insult the girl’s parents if they make a proposal.)
      Let me tell you something Rohan – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
      Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)

  16. Thnks for ur suggestion. Actually the girl whom I love have their relatives presurrizing her parents for girls marriage. Her parents are ready to say they have looked for one but once they get confirmation from my parents. Whereas on other hand my parents are not agreeing. I am financially independent but her parents are saying tht they would allow to marry the girl until my parents agree n leaving home is not an option. Also, they want to these as early as possible. Otherwise they need to marry her with other guy.

    Kindly suggest

    1. Rohan, your girlfriend’s parents are relatively reasonable people. Thank them for giving their daughter’s happiness more importance than castes etc. And then urge them to take the same approach to pressures from relatives, your parents approval, whether you’re gonna leave home, etc. Ask for their active help instead. if you’ve been through a few of the comments and questions on this site you’d realize how fortuante you are to be financially independent and hence free of circumstantial barriers to this marriage. The only barrier that now remains is an emotional one.
      Beg the girl’s parents to support the two of you emotionally if you have to leave your parents’ home, instead of opposing the move. Don’t forget to reiterate how much you value their support.
      They’ve come this far. I’m sure they won’t waste the hard emotional journey they’ve already made by backtracking now and forcing their daughter into an unwanted marriage.
      Let me know how it goes.

  17. Also, I forgot to tell, I live in mumbai n she lives in delhi. How can they talk for marriage proposal.

    Pls help

  18. hi, i have a girlfriend and we both work in the same place in the same position. we are in the relation with each other since last 2 years and want to get marry. but the problem is that we belong from different caste. my parents are quite open with the caste system but her parents are strictly against the inter caste system. actually they have been insisting her for marriage but she has kept denying it. her parents are searching a man for her of their own caste and obviously of a better status. her mom is very strict and we both are sure she wont allow us for marriage. we also don’t want her parents to get hurt. can you give me some practical suggestions how can we convince our parents.

    1. Starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-caste marriage was not a good idea Prashant. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet, given the different countries, but they can talk over the phone and chat on video maybe?)
      Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
      Let me tell you something Pooja – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
      And emotional blackmailing? You really think you’re being fair to yourself when you give in to such distasteful tactics used by your parents against not a random guy on the street but their own child? I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Your parents clearly don’t value your happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way their acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin your life just to have their way, don’t be hesitant to choose your life over their happiness. Please. You owe yourself this much.
      Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)

  19. When I got married facing all the difficuilties, I sat down laid back and thought ‘I can handle all situations in my life thereafter’ I went through very very difficuilt situations but struggled through it to make my dreams come true. As ‘loveinindia’ said in one of her article (i am sure i read it) that compromises and accepting by the parents will happen within a year. In our case the same happened without any surprise and I then I though they are happy may be because they got a son in law LOL. My parents were cool from beginning though the religious concerns were there. I am a christian and my wife a Hindu. Strong believers!!! Thats what both families are. After lot of prayers and wish, we are blessed with a baby. Happiness all around!! My wife and I came to a decision. Baby will take baptism and also will go to temple. Inlaws are completely against Baptism and they busrsted out at me!! I felt like a soil erosion uner my feet and in a very diplomatic way I conveyed the msg that it is going to happen. I respect my wifes thought as an individual and also respect her rights and her wish to fullfill with her kid. Thats exactly I am not a constaraint to do whatever she wish though I am a VERY Strong believer. I am stressed. when I say STRESSED I am mothered left right and center. Frustaration is at its peak and still I manage to keep my cool when I tak to my wife.

    1. You made my day Anon. We ought to tell your younger generation more and more inspirational stories of courage and conviction like yours.
      I’m glad that your and your wife’s resolve ultimately softened down the parents on both sides. Once they’ve accepted your marriage I would assume their obstinacy regarding religious differences would’ve softened down as well. It’s only a foregone conclusion that children of inter-religious marriages will absorb philosophies of both religions. Besides, different religions are just different paths to the same spiritual actualization. In fact I consider children of inter-religious marriages as fortunate because they learn to see the world through an extraordinarily liberal (going by Indian standards) lens right from their birth, and are hence likely to become much more enlightened and free individuals than the average Indian.
      Personally, I think baptism or going to the temple doesn’t matter nearly as much as imbibing the teachings of these great religious philosophies.
      Your courage and confidence has brought you this far. I’m sure it’ll see you through all such challenges. Don’t hesitate to let me know if you have any queries, doubts etc.
      All the best. :)

  20. hello loveinindia,
    I had a month long relationship but it broke up just because I am kshetri and he is a brahmin (a VERY STRICT of course). We both loved each other so much but as he asked his mother, she refused him directly asking about the caste. She even threatened him of suicide. His elder brother too had similar case and had to let go 5-year long relationships because of such caste issues. I was so shocked and he had to succumb to his mother and left me. I am so not over him. It is already over now. And three months now. I still have sheer hope that he will be back? Should I let go or wait for him? What shall I do? Did he ever love me? I am in chaos in mind.

    1. Your boyfriend has no responsibility towards the happiness of people who couldn’t care less about his. If he doesn’t feel this way, and chooses to appease his parents knowing they don’t care about his happiness, then you can’t help. It’s not like he’s fighting against his parents, right? he’s already chosen his parents over you. For God’s sake, Serenzelika, it was only ONE MONTH! You have to forget about him and choose someone better next time. He’s not worth your time anyway.
      Here’s something for you to consider: How to Get Over a Devastating Break-Up? and Being Single: The 7 Principles of Enjoying Your Singlehood

      All the best. :)

  21. hiiii….
    i belong to an orthodox family….. marriages are decided by parents n children hav no ryt to deny dere choices….. i did dis… my parents wr luking 4 a guy, i denied n reslt is my mom is not talking to me?? y dis kind of thinking stilll exist in INDIA……. i mean its my lyf…. i dnt hav any ryt to tellll wat i lyk n wat not…. i luv a guy tooo… he is jst awsm :) my parents jst told me dat dey dnt allow inter caste marriages at any cost… coz CHILDREN DNT HAV ANY KNOWLEDGE ABT LYF…… WAT is dis…. please suggest me sumthing so dat i can change dere thinking….. coz if i’l say anything dat wud b agianst D RYT OF GALS…. COZ GALS R NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING….. please help…. i want to live MY LIFE…

    1. Bhumika – You made my day by saying, “I want to live my life.” As a suppressed Indian girl, you really couldn’t have taken a better stance.
      Like I always maintain – you have no responsibility towards the happiness of people who have no regard for your happiness. You’re right – it’s your life. And you have to assert your rights to live it. You’ve already read everything about my stance on this in the article on which you’ve commented.
      Now try this: Tell your parents, “Yes, children don’t understand life as much as experienced people like you do. But marriage is an adult thing, not a children’s thing. If as my parents you think I haven’t acquired the maturity of taking decision regarding my marriage yet, I’d accept that. In that case I’d wait till I’m mature enough to get married. I’d not marry before I have enough maturity.” See how they react. :P
      Last but no the least – no freedom can be gained unless financial freedom is there. It’s a sad fact of life. You’d find in Western societies parents never bother about their children’s marriages. But then parents there don’t pay for adult children either. If you’re dependent on someone financially, you have to, practically, do as they say. Without the wherewithal to act, your words are only words, and your parents know that. If neither you nor your boyfriend is financially independent, you have to wait till one of you are earning enough. You have to find a way to delay your marriage till that point of time at least.
      All the best. :)

      1. thanks yar…. i really need dis supportive words ryt now…. coz i want to concentrate on my career… bt my mind get totally diverted towards the thing dat my parents dont want me to marry a boy of my choice…. actually dere r many examples of FAILED LUV MARRIAGES in front of dem ….. so i hav to find sum good examples also…. dere is lot to do for dere acceptence… i m ready to do evrything, u knw evry morning i start my day wid d thought dat “I WILL MAKE DEM AGREE” n evry night i sleep with d wish dat “PLEASE GOD HELP ME” …….. i cnt discsss this wid others also… i found dis site n really THANKU u responded…..
        thanku :) i want to explain the whole scenerio to you….. so dat may be u cud help me more….

        1. I’m really touched by your appreciation bhumika, you made my day.
          Always remember, life is too short to chase anything but happiness. And make no mistake – your first and foremost responsibility is to not your parents, not your boyfriend, but yourself. If making someone else happy (in this case your parents) would mean making yourself unhappy for the rest of your life (marriage is about a lifetime, remember? :D), then don’t feel guilty to excuse yourself.
          All the best. :)

  22. hi,
    i read ur posts and they are really good with clarity of thoughts…me and my bf are also facing the problem of convincing our parents on intercaste marriage…actually my father told let ur bf’s parents approach me bcoz a girl’s parents cant do that(its like this in tamil families) ..if they accept i will also and if they are aganist then i will not try to convince them and you need to accept their decision of not accepting for the marriage…so my father is atleast willing to accept this marriage if my bf’s parents accept. but my bf’s father is not ready to talk..my bf’s father is oscillating b/w accepting and being aganist…its like a prestige problem b/w both as to who will take the first step..his father says “they(girl’s side) seem cool and not worried, then why should we bother to take a step?”..both of our mom’s are aganist us..am in a relationship with him for 5 years.he is 26 and am 6 months younger than him..we opened the matter before 2 years and still struggling to get our parents consent…he is now doing his phd abroad and i left my job due to my parents pressure after knowing of our love..but financially there will not be a problem for us after getting married as he is earning enough from stipend and can get a job after phd..now the problem is we dont know how to make our parents talk…he is abroad and am here in india at home.my grandma know abt my love and she is ok but is also concerned abt caste.on his end his elder brother know abt this and he is not supporting..i have a younger sister and shes not supporting..actually i am a bit concerned if i go against my parents and marry,,,will that affect her….both of us dont have a proper person(within relatives) to speak to our parents or initiate the talks…our parents wont accept our friends support as they are also in our age..we both dont personally care abt horoscopes and caste..we are stuck..i really wish to marry with blessings of parents…please help me i really appreciate ur valuable suggestions

    1. Congratulations Pure Heart. Given the conservative environment you’re in, getting in-principle consent of families on both sides – that too when the relationship is intercaste – is a huge acheivement in itself. :)
      Now the question that remains is one of prestige – who blinks first?
      That’s quite a valid concern, PH. You can’t blame your parents for that. If you convince them to bite the bullet and be the first to broach the subject with the guy’s family, there’s a chance the guy’s family will assume a position of superiority in the relationship thinking “We’re The Guys’ Side, hence more important and the girl’s parents understand that.” So I’d not recommend forcing your parents into it.
      The solution here is for your boyfriend to come to your home and ask your parents “for your hand”. He’s young enough to be their son, hence there is no question of loss of face for him if he does this. Subsequently the two of you can arrange for your parents to meet at a restaurant to “get to know each other” and discuss the logistical issues (it’s best for you and your boyfriend to be present at this meeting, so that he can introduce your parents to his). In this case, no one needs to accept superiority of the other party. They’re on equal footing. I understand proceeding this way might be rather unconventional, but your parents have a point and this is the best way to address it.
      Thanks for commenting. :)

  23. Hi, read a few articles and replies and appreciate you taking out time to solve people’s issues.
    Well I am currently in a similar problem. I am an upper caste brahmin(Note: from haryana) while my gf is a SC. We are both well read and earning well and have been together since 4.5 yrs. We decided last year to go ahead and get married. I spoke to my folks and they asked me to go ahead. My gf said yes and her parents wanted to take things further with my family. So far so good. However, after I told my parents about this their whole attitude changed. They started creating issues, like problems with kundli, caste issues, societal pressure(my cousins got married in the same caste, arranged marriages). After talking to my parents a bit they somewhat agreed to take things forward. The first meeting as at my place and my girl’s parents came to meet my folks. The meeting went horribly bad, my parents showed dissent towards moving forward and her parents did not take this well and in the end what followed was a shouting match. I was out of town for that meeting. After this, i arranged for another meeting at a public place where once again these guys had a shouting match and nothing moved forward. Both the side’s parents are harboring ego issues currently. My parents feel the girl’s side should be extremely polite and should hear everything they have to say and also that we being from an upper caste are doing a favor to them. Her parents feel that they were not dealt with in a proper manner(please note: they are a bit more open minded). Currently I have met her parents a couple of times to pacify them, they are currently open for logical and calm discussions. My parents on the other hand refuse to move a single step ahead and are asking me to forget her. This whole charade has been going on for 9 months with no sign of improvement. I have tried speaking with my parents numerous times with no affect. My elder sister has also gone hoarse trying to convince the.

    Currently I am mulling over going ahead to marry my girl even without my parents although this would mean cutting ties with my folks. My parents have made it very clear that they will not allow my wife to enter the house. Not sure whether her folks would agree to this or not. Any suggestions?

    1. First of all, I laud your parents and your girlfriend’s parents for being as open as they have been in the first place. Neither set of parents (especially yours who belong to a so-called “higher” caste) rejected the idea of a marriage with vast caste differences per se. If you’ve read the article you’ve commented on, or the comments that follow, you’d know what a great sign of progress that is. :)

      But unfortunately, that hasn’t been of much practical help so far.

      I suggest you have a very calm, mature and polite discussion with your parents. Tell them that you want their wholehearted blessings before you bring the girl to your home. Do not forget to appreciate the broad-mindedness they’ve already shown. You can say something like, “I’m proud that you understand that caste-based differences between people are not real. And I’m sure you understand this quite clearly, else you wouldn’t have proceeded even as far as you have. A marriage is a formation of a new family. Once I get married her parents would become a second set of parents for me, just as you would become a second set of parents for her. But for that it’s imperative that you and they treat each other as equals. Since we’ve already crossed the caste barrier in our minds, can we justify treating each other differently because of castes?”

      Let me reiterate – make it very polite, calm and mature. Your parents shouldn’t feel like you’re accusing them. You’re making a humble request to your parents to cooperate with you on your marriage in a way that’s healthy to everyone involved – that’s the impression you want to create.

      But of course this will not make any difference to their attitude (because words don’t change attitudes). We both know that. :D

      But still you should make this last attempt so that your conscience is clear, so that you’re sure in your heart that you did everything you could, before you take the next step.

      As for the next step, you already know my views on that. It’s all there in the article you’ve commented on. :D The only solution is to move out of your parental home and marry her whenever you can. Her parents are understanding, so hopefully they’ll provide you the support that you need.

      Your parents think they’re doing the girl’s family a favour by allowing this marriage to take place. Give that, I think we both understand that your future wife is unlikely to receive as respectful a treatment at your parental home as she deserves. If you love her, you owe it to her not to put her in a situation where she has to put up with it. Hence the only solution here is for you to move out. But like I said, have that dialogue before you do, so that when you do move out no one can accuse of you not having tried enough.

      All the best! :)

  24. I am a guy (I graduated from college about 10 years back) who has been love with a girl from the past few years (more than 3 years). I am a software professional and I earn decently. I am not financially dependent on my parents. I tried to convince them from the past few years to let them approve of my marriage. They kept on rejecting it. Now, I made a choice that I want to go with the girl whom I have been in love. But, then they are emotionally blackmailing me that they wouldn’t talk to me forever and wouldn’t even let me know when they die. It’s hard to take. They are really stubborn and I doubt if they will ever reconcile with me! Am I taking the right decision?

    1. Cik,
      We’ve all heard those anecdotes of parents locking their daughter up in the home for stopping her from contacting her boyfriend, and getting her married off forcibly.

      Almost everyday some honour killing (killing of couples for daring to marry against family’s wishes) incident or the other is reported in the newspapers.

      Newspaper reports of young couples committing suicide over parental disapproval of their relationships also keep coming at a steady rate.

      http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-23/vadodara/31090180_1_suicide-goods-train-couple
      http://www.indianexpress.com/news/runaway-couple-in-suicide-pact/1120788/
      http://zeenews.india.com/news/uttar-pradesh/couple-commit-suicide-by-jumping-before-train-in-up_850521.html

      Tell me, how many incidences of parents committing suicide over children’s marriages have you heard of?

      I can tell you – zero. That’s because they don’t happen. Blackmailing children out of marrying someone they love is the most heinous act of betrayal and oppression a parent can cause a child. I strongly believe such an act nullifies any responsibility a child has towards their parents. That’s because by committing such an act your parent has made it clear that your happiness matters little to them, and their “honour in the society” matters much more.

      I can give you 100% guarantee your parents will neither die out of shock nor commit suicide if you marry her.

      The best you can do is to explain to them calmly and with due respect, that you love them as much as anyone should love their parents. But you don’t believe that anyone should restrict anyone else’s individual freedom, not even one’s parents, if one is an adult. Tell them something like, “I’m sure you want my happiness above everything else. As my parents you’ve protected me all my life and taken decision that were always meant for ensuring nothing but the best for me. May be that’s why you’re jittery that I’m not making the right decision for myself. But I assure you that I am. May be right now you’re afraid spending my life with the woman I’ve chosen myself will not make me happy, but I assure you it will, because she’s the woman I love. I’m sure with time you’ll come to see our happiness. And then you’ll realize that this was indeed the correct decision. And on that day, I’m sure you’ll be the happiest. But in the meantime I don’t want to do anything that will cause emotional pain and stress to either you or her, because all three of you are closest to my heart. I don’t want to make you unhappy and I don’t you to make me or her unhappy. Marrying her and living together with you is hence not an option at the moment. That’s why I’ve decided to live separately for as long as it takes for both you and me to make each other happy.”

      I’ve written extensively about this topic. I’m sure you’ve read it. Here are all my articles in case you’ve missed any of them:

      How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage – 6 Steps
      Challenges of Intercaste Relationships and How to Handle Them
      Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents Before Discussing Marriage

      Let me reiterate – you have no responsibility towards people who actively try to make your life miserable by forcing you to marry a random person. First comes your own happiness, then anyone else’s.

      Do let me know how things go.
      All the best.

  25. I hv a gf with whom i am in love since 3 yrs. we both hv decided to marry.her parents were initially ready for her marriage with me my parents are looking for girls to marry me since last year i resisted them saying i wish to marry my gf who stays behind my house.my parents dnt agree & continued looking for girls.i had to see some girls forcibly but in d mean time i tried to convince them 3 4 times about my love marriage. my sister & parents are against intercaste marriage & dey strongly oppose my gf. i tried a lot to convince them there were incidence where dey had hit me as i wasnt leaving my gf. they have forced d girls parents & my gf saying this marriage cnt tk place. i dnt want to marry any other girl i just want to marry my gf. my parents worry about our community & family. parents are like getting many calls for my proposal & they are frustated me behaving abnormally with them.my gfs parents also hv started refraining from our marriage & so do my gf saying that lets keep faith in god & if its in destiny we will marry each others
    i feel she is under her parents pressure
    we both love each others truly & want to marry each others. i am tensed & frustated & getting pissed with the situation. parents are not acceptng love marriage & are also affecting themselves
    pls help me

    1. Moving out of your parents’ home and marrying her is the only solution, as I’ve mentioned in the article.

      The best you can do is to explain to them calmly and with due respect, that you love them as much as anyone should love their parents. But you don’t believe that anyone should restrict anyone else’s individual freedom, not even one’s parents, if one is an adult. Tell them something like, “I’m sure you want my happiness above everything else. As my parents you’ve protected me all my life and taken decision that were always meant for ensuring nothing but the best for me. May be that’s why you’re jittery that I’m not making the right decision for myself. But I assure you that I am. May be right now you’re afraid spending my life with the woman I’ve chosen myself will not make me happy, but I assure you it will, because she’s the woman I love. I’m sure with time you’ll come to see our happiness. And then you’ll realize that this was indeed the correct decision. And on that day, I’m sure you’ll be the happiest. But in the meantime I don’t want to do anything that will cause emotional pain and stress to either you or her, because all three of you are closest to my heart. I don’t want to make you unhappy and I don’t you to make me or her unhappy. Marrying her and living together with you is hence not an option at the moment. That’s why I’ve decided to live separately for as long as it takes for both you and me to make each other happy.”

      I’ve written extensively about this topic. I’m sure you’ve read it. Here are all my articles in case you’ve missed any of them:

      How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage – 6 Steps
      Challenges of Intercaste Relationships and How to Handle Them
      Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents Before Discussing Marriage

      All the best. :)

  26. I hv a gf with whom i am in love since 3 yrs. we both hv decided to marry.her parents were initially ready for her marriage with me my parents are looking for girls to marry me since last year i resisted them saying i wish to marry my gf who stays behind my house.my parents dnt agree & continued looking for girls.i had to see some girls forcibly but in d mean time i tried to convince them 3 4 times about my love marriage. my sister & parents are against intercaste marriage & dey strongly oppose my gf. i tried a lot to convince them there were incidence where dey had hit me as i wasnt leaving my gf. they have forced d girls parents & my gf saying this marriage cnt tk place. i dnt want to marry any other girl i just want to marry my gf. my parents worry about our community & family. parents are like getting many calls for my proposal & they are frustated me behaving abnormally with them.my gfs parents also hv started refraining from our marriage & so do my gf saying that lets keep faith in god & if its in desti

  27. Hey, thanks for you suggestions n help. I recently talked with my dad n mom. I tried to explain them that society would never come to take care or for any other need. I asked them what you require is society or your childs happiness. They said if you want to marry her go marry her in delhi (as the girl lives in delhi) but never come back to us. We would never mtalk to you or be in contact with you as we do not want to go against the society. I explained them that society problems are their with the girl also but her parents are looking for her happiness. But they wont budge in. They are Evn ready to meet girls parent to explain them to say NO. Recently my elder brothers marriage took place n they are like his marriage would get destroyed n all stuff. But they are trying to emotionally undrstnd me that she is not the option for our society. I have decided to shift myself to delhi. But I i am wworried that am I doing any thing wrong by loving in other caste. Dnt I have the right to love n marry a girl of my choice.

    Pls help

    1. Whether you want to believe is castes or not is of course your choice, and no one has the rights to judge you on that. But castes are man-made divisions between people with no scientific basis. There is no evidence to suggest caste differences reduce compatibility. Compatibility is determined largely by similarities in family background, financial strata, culture, education level and financial prowess of the respective families.
      Read the artcile you’ve commented on again. It contains everything you need to know. I’m proud of you for taking the bold decision of taking responsibility for your own life – it’s an act of great courage, and not one of selfishness (irrepsective fo what “society” might tell you).
      All the best.

      1. thank you so much. your suggestion n understanding means a lot like a mental support.
        but dnt know for unknown reason worried. may b once i am out. i would b more clear

  28. Hi,

    I need help. Actually i will tell you my whole story so that you can help me properly. My parents were looking for the girl in my caste but since i was away from home i had very little idea about it. i have a girlfriend and i really wanted to marry her. Before going to native place i told my parents about my girlfriend.they were like hw cn u bring gal from other caste. But i told them even she is gujju. So i thght it wont b prob. So they told No. Later, I went to native place they showed me the girl…but i told ma parents i needed time to give answer to them.But with help of the family,grandparents,uncles dey all tried emotionally. and i told yes i wil do as ma parents want….when i came back to Mumbai…i again tried convincing my parents feeling they will agree and will help me out..but they also stick to what they said…Mom dad all started crying and they no child want to see their parents cry,…so i changed my decision again and agreed with wht they said and continue talking to the girl whom ma parents saw….later after few days…i somehow find some mistake in that gal and tld ma parents abt it and dey said No to her parents,,….but they still dont want to bring any other gal from outside….I dont know how shd i convince dem,,,…dey are doing emotional atyachar on me like,,,if anythg happen to us…mom is like if ur dad dies and all…this kind of presurre dey put on me…i really want to marry my girlfrind…but dont want to go against ma parents also….even i have started doing some emotional atyachar on them nw….but i cant see any progress…i want them to see that i am not happy and i really want to marry ma gf…pls help.

    1. Hardik,
      We’ve all heard those anecdotes of parents locking their daughter up in the home for stopping her from contacting her boyfriend, and getting her married off forcibly.

      Almost everyday some honour killing (killing of couples for daring to marry against family’s wishes) incident or the other is reported in the newspapers.

      Newspaper reports of young couples committing suicide over parental disapproval of their relationships also keep coming at a steady rate.

      http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-23/vadodara/31090180_1_suicide-goods-train-couple
      http://www.indianexpress.com/news/runaway-couple-in-suicide-pact/1120788/
      http://zeenews.india.com/news/uttar-pradesh/couple-commit-suicide-by-jumping-before-train-in-up_850521.html

      Tell me, how many incidences of parents committing suicide over children’s marriages have you heard of?

      I can tell you – zero. That’s because they don’t happen. Blackmailing children out of marrying someone they love is the most heinous act of betrayal and oppression a parent can cause a child. I strongly believe such an act nullifies any responsibility a child has towards their parents. That’s because by committing such an act your parent has made it clear that your happiness matters little to them, and their “honour in the society” matters much more.

      I can give you 100% guarantee your parents will neither die nor commit suicide if you go ahead with the marriage. That’s the first thing you need to understand here.

      As for convincing your parents, I understand it’s a tricky situation. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/.
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  29. Hi i am 26 years old an my boyfriend is 27. We have been in a relationship for last 1 year. I want to get married to him and settle down but my parents are not agreeing for the same namely for 2 reasons:

    1. His looks
    2. His finanaical status.
    I tried to reason out with my family, but in vain. They strongly belive that he is not the right match. I agree that his current financial condition is weak. But he qualified and is current earning a decent amount and so am i. and in the next 3-5 years i see that both of us will be settled at a reasonable level. May be i may not enjoy the luxuries i enjoyed till this day but its something i am willing to let go. I may lead a not so luxurious life on cut to cut basis. I get that for me a good understanding partner who i can relate to makes more sense. My parents place due imporatnce to finances. the beleive the love we feel for each other will be gone by the wind when fiancical issues creep in. Please help i am torn apart. I love my family very much. i dont want to choose between the two. What do i do.

    1. “They believe the love we feel for each other will be gone by the wind when financial issues creep in.” Completely valid point, MT. Many a marriage/relationship breaks down due to this reason. A friend of mine says, “Love will fly out of the window like a free bird if serious monetary issues are there.” :D Hilarious, ins’t it? :D But sadly, it’s true.
      I’m proud of you for choosing love over comfort in this day of rife materialism. It’s a really noble stance to take. But you haven’t experienced the reality of it yet.
      Hence I suggest you wait for a few more years. If you’ve read my marriage related articles you’d know I always believe you need to spend at least 2-3 years with someone before you know them enough to even think about marriage. Familiarize yourself with him & the practical reality of his life a bit more. I believe this extra time will give you the comfort level you need with a decision as important as marriage.
      In the meantime if you can, define a list of basic amenities that you need in life. (“Basic” differs from person to person. For some, using a cab for commute is luxury. For others, having a chauffeur-driven car at their service 24X7 is basic.) You might be enjoying luxuries at your parents’ home which you can live without. Cut those out and keep only the ones which are bare necessities for you. Then ask yourself – would you be able to afford these basics with your combined salary? If not now, then how many years later? Can you postpone your marriage till that point?
      A rational approach like this will help you take the best decision.

  30. Thank you so much for taking time out and helping me evaluate the situation, but there is slight hiccup though.

    Currently I am up against a deadline of 1 month. My parents have asked me to take a decision within this month. Either I choose my boyfriend or with an open mind explore other options (They have been seeking for a suitable proposal for the last 7 months).

    My parents are of the option that incase I choose my boyfriend I can go ahead and marry him however they wouldn’t support me…and the only reason for them not supporting me is because they genuinely feel that that this would be huge blunder and as parents they cannot support or be happy about such a scenario.

    My parents have always been supportive of who I am as a person and has always placed my happiness as a priority. I am who I am because of their unconditional love, support and commitment. They always say that if this relationship would have been appropriate they wouldnt stop me.

    On the other hand..i know that a year is very short span to be in relationship and to take a decision about marriage…but I genuinely feel that we are very compatible and would be right for each other. We have discussed issues on finances & our expectations & as to how to plan our future…n based on these discussions I genuinely feel moving ahead with this relationship may not be as bad as my parents perceive it to be.

    I believe marriage is not about 2 people but 2 families, and I know if I have the support of my family I will have a successful marriage.

    I don’t want to disappoint my parents..and at the same time I don’t want to lose the guy I am in love with. I am short of time. Any help is appreciated.

    1. Your parents are understanding. You probably realize how fortunate you are for that, if you’ve read thsi ariticle and its comments. :D
      Tell them something like, “I know you want nothing but my happiness. At this moment it’d make me deeply unhappy to leave the person I love. Even though your concerns are not ungrounded either. Hence I wouldn’t throw them to the wind and take a decision you consider risky. I just want your help to take this decision. Hence I need one more year from you to decide.”
      Take a respectful familial approach like this. See if they give you one more year. Use this year to know each other better. Ask the right questions: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/when-should-i-get-married-questions-before-getting-married-1/
      All the best. :)

  31. plz help i m very confused that whom to choose sometimes i think i shud go wid my parents choice n sometimes i think my bf is right i m having 8 yr relationship n since 10 mnths hving long distance relationship . our understanding n trust is very well n his parents are happy to accept me as daughter in law but my parents doesn’t like his dad’s transport business bt my bf is not doing business he is doing mba in Canada so whom to listen?????plz suggest all pros n cons if i take any decision .my dad says he ‘ll not allow me to enter at home after doing intercaste marriage i m maharashtrian girl n he is a punjabi boy only prob is frm my side not frm his side my mother n father in lam are eager too see as a bride.. so plz help

  32. Hey, in my last post I had decided to standby with girlfriend n marry her. But, to add to it a little blackmail to parents has helped me. I didnt talked with my mother n tlked very less with my dad. Also, I never ate at home. This led to 5 to 6 discussions y I am doing like this. To which I firmly backed my point to marry the girl I want. Eventually, at a point my father has spoke with her n her mother n told them to come to mumbai with her father, mother n herself n discuss out this matter. With this it has came out to 50-50%. My father said to me that being so knowledged in terms of doing MA (History) he is unable ti tke decision on this matter hence called her parents so together they might discuss n solve out the matter. Here I am a little worried that either they might explain n say yes. Or they would explain them n make them also say no. So, a little more help I require is that what preparation I need to do for their discussion day so everything ends in positive for us n we end up marrying eachother.

    Pls help..

    1. I’m so proud of you Rohan. We need more stories like yours for inspiration to millions of young Indians like you who’re living through depression as they fail to exercise their freedom wrt marriage.
      Well if you have good relations with the girl’s family you can talk to them frankly. Have your gf talk to her parents. If your father has come this far, it’s a giant step forward for him. He deserves all our respect and support for that. Ask your gf what’s going on between her and her parents. Try to gauge the situation there. Unless the girl’s parents behave rudely or something, i don’t see a problem. If they come to Mumbai with their entire family they won’t be doing it to convey their rejection of the marriage idea, right? If they wanted to reject it they wouldn’t even want to discuss it withyour parents.
      All the best. :)

  33. Hi, I am a Hindu and my guy is a Muslim. We love more than 7years. And I said my parents. Thy re telling tat if I get married thy ll die and thy re not allowing me to goto my office. I ve an elder brother. He knew and telling tat he will allow me to goto office only if I am OK with marrying another guy. I can live only with him. But my life won’t be happy if either one of my mom or dad die. My mom dad and bro all three lookin for their prestige and surroundings and not my feelings. Pls do let me a solution. I need him and he need me. To add, in His home, they agreed.

    1. Kani, first read this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/inter-religious-marriage/. This will help you anticipate and tackle the challenges that come with an inter-religious relationship.

      We’ve all heard those anecdotes of parents locking their daughter up in the home for stopping her from contacting her boyfriend, and getting her married off forcibly.

      Almost everyday some honour killing (killing of couples for daring to marry against family’s wishes) incident or the other is reported in the newspapers.

      Newspaper reports of young couples committing suicide over parental disapproval of their relationships also keep coming at a steady rate.

      http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-23/vadodara/31090180_1_suicide-goods-train-couple
      http://www.indianexpress.com/news/runaway-couple-in-suicide-pact/1120788/
      http://zeenews.india.com/news/uttar-pradesh/couple-commit-suicide-by-jumping-before-train-in-up_850521.html

      Tell me, how many incidences of parents committing suicide over children’s marriages have you heard of?

      I can tell you – zero. That’s because they don’t happen. Blackmailing children out of marrying someone they love is the most heinous act of betrayal and oppression a parent can cause a child. I strongly believe such an act nullifies any responsibility a child has towards their parents. That’s because by committing such an act your parent has made it clear that your happiness matters little to them, and their “honour in the society” matters much more.

      I can give you 100% guarantee your parents will neither die nor commit suicide because of your choice of partner. You are NOT responsible for their health. That’s the first thing you need to understand here.

      As for convincing your parents, I understand it’s a tricky situation, especially given that your relationship is inter-religious. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  34. Hi loveinindia..
    M dat same 11yrs rajput girl… i rejected 5 proposals n evn confessed to my parents about d boy whom i love … i also told them i i refuse to get married to any 3rd person n ruin his life 4ever… if ever i want to marry i ll marry dis boy who stood by me in all d ups n downs of my life 4 11yrs.. we both r hindu n aab iss se zyada aur kya chhahiye apko..
    My love told me to keep pateince aftr confessing to them n let them approach me on there own… through out dis span a lot of family aruguments n fights took place …half of my family hs stoped talking to me …
    D person whom i love hs given me his word of staying single if he doesnt gets me n says he l l feel regret for whole of his life if he dint marry me …
    I told him lets elope n get married bcoz respect love n care se kari huye baat to ghar walle koi responce nahi de rahe… but due a problem in his family.( his elder sister who iz married hd aaffier with some other person n dat a lot more of it ) so dats y he refuses to run away n get married…
    We love each other n want to get married now …plz help loveinindia…
    Thanku…
    Angel princess

  35. Hello mam,
    i just want to ask how should i concentrate on my career so that first i become something and then think of maraige and life long commitment with my love. i love her and she also loves me. but we fight too much and because of that i go into an emotional ride that why did she say like this or why did she reply like that to my question.. and yes i accept i am a little controling partner and because of that she gets extremly frustrated. and i think ast this date she is starting to dislike me because of my behaviour but she too has her own mistakes and she never accepts but when she accepts she never tries to show that she is guilty and says sorry to me and that frustrates me.. from the past 3 years we are doing these things only and because of that she has lost her focus and passion from her carrer and me too.
    i just want to ask how to get back on track and again start feeling love for each other but keeping our career in mind and moving ahead so that we can become something good and then fight for the rest of the marraige,age, caste and all sorts of problems.. plz mam i know you can help plz help me mam. i really want to focus but i cannot because of these frustrating thoughts of fight between us.. :-(

    1. Abhishek,
      Fighting wtihin relationships – esp at a young age like yours – is the most normal thing to do. In fact at that early a stage in a relationship if you DON’T fight, it might be a sign of relatively less involvement. So the first thing you need to understand is that fighting per se is NOT a sign that the relationship is a wrong relationship. It only goes to show that at least one of you has very high expectations from the relationship.
      Having said that, you’re right – controlling your emotions is important for general peace of mind of both of you. Here’s something that will come in very handy: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/control-your-anger-like-i-did-before-it-destroys-your-relationship-part-1/. It describes my own process of working through anger issues in the context of a relationship.
      Tell me how you’re applying it and what else you need.
      ATB :)

  36. Hi “loveinindia”,

    I am in a relationship with a guy from last 1 year, we both want to marry, after reading almost all of your posts and have cleared all stages. like, he has already met my parents, they know him as a very genuine guy who was my colleague a month before, coz we have switched jobs.
    now the situation is, His parents are very positive for this relation, but my parents are strictly against. they are not even entertaining his parents approach.
    Four days ago i dared to talk to my mom when my dad was not in town. she strictly said no and asked me not to talk to him from then onward. A day later when my dad came back, they both shouted a lot on me, and did all that emotional torture. they started talking like we had never imagined this or that etc. some how they allowed me to continue my job after a warning that i would never talk to him again. None of the family member talked to me at home. no body ! no body asked for getting up in the morning or to have food. or anything…
    now today, after 4 days of that scene, my mom talked to me in the morning, only to ask if i talk to him or not. and some of that emotional torture. (It hurts me to use such words, i understand their feeling too that no one ever in my family did inter caste marriage. but, i am helpless ).
    I said nothing, kept quite as suggested by my bf and his mother, who were in touch with me from initial.
    Now, I am in a situation where i am stuck in between. i really can not understand coz, i can not see my parents crying all day and night in front me, neither i can live apart from him.
    Please suggest something, i have read ur post about choosing our own happiness but how? i wont be happy if i hurt my parents and i would also be unhappy without him. I ALSO UNDERSTAND YOU CAN NEVER MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY.
    BUT IS THERE ANY WAY????

    1. Well Jyoti, first of all congratulations. If you’ve read my posts and a few of the comments around here you’d know just how lucky you are to have at least one of the families on your side.
      How long have you known him Jyoti? If you have to take the daring step of marrying him with the help of his family going against your own, being an Indian girl you’d be taking a huge risk. You must’ve heard stories of the husband’s family turning hostile after marriage, torturing the bahu emotionally etc. (very common even in case of love marriages). I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but for an Indian girl, marriage is – at the end of the day – a risk, because if you are to live with an unknown family where they are a whole family and you’re alone, in case they turn out to be the usual type, you’ll be under a lot of stress and pain. In this case you’ll not have your family on your side.
      Does that mean you won’t marry the man you love because your family doesn’t approve of it? No. It only means you have to anticipate different outcomes and be prepared for all of them. In this case, the most important thing for you is to be financially independent. Remember, in case things don’t work out in your “sasural”, you won’t have your parents to fall back on. If you’re financially dependent on others, you’ll have no option but to do as they say, and live a slave life like millions of Indian women do. Hence being financially independent is more important than anything else in your case.
      As for convincing your parents, I understand you’ve tried everything. What you can do is get the guys’ family to talk to them – make a formal proposal perhaps? Do read this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/. While this may not be directly applicable in your case, the line of dialogue with parents outlined here is definitely something you should try to follow for best results. They need to understand that they’re coming across as disinterested in your happiness.
      Hope that works. All the best. :)

  37. I’m a Brahmin Bengali girl and my partner is Kayastha Bengali. His parents support me and accepted me but my parents are not agreeing to it because he is not Brahmin. I don’t know what to do and how to convince them!? They are being orthodox and not ready to listen to us. And the worst part is we are still dependent on our parents.

    1. I’m a Bengali too and it’s saddening to know of your situation.
      I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your boyfriend happy.
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  38. Hi Sulagna,

    Thought to take your help for my love life..
    Im in love wid a guy of dfrnt caste which is lower than my caste. And thats a point acc. to my parents. I am totally disagreed believing in castes. The guy is really a wonderful one n loves me a lott… I too love him a lot.. till d end of my life I wanna be wid him n takecare of him whole hearteldy. Same is from his side
    But the problem is frm my parents side. They are not at all ready to accept him and his family.
    We have told abt our love an year back and the issue is still going on at my home. The guy’s parents have accepted me bt its pending only frm my parents.
    I tried a lott of ways to convince dem.. d guy is damn gud n his family too..
    Only prblm is caste.
    My parents say its a mistake to proceed fr a intercaste mrge and what I am dng by convincing dem is “Making dem to involve in the mistake which I have committed”. I am very upset bcz of all these dscns.
    Firstly there prblm was lovemrges wont last lifelong. The generation is too hasty in making decisions n all stuff they said. But I clarified dem dat it isnt so.. the guy loves me a lot n he wud nvr leave me in any situation.
    Then parents said.. if u get married at per our wish we wud be der to us support u in ur bad n good tyms. I told dat even if i face any bad days I wont go to my parents straight fwd for help irrespestve of love or arngd mrge. Any girl is so.. she faces all she can do atlast if she cant handle den she goes to her parents. My parents are not rdy to accpt this xplanation and furthr they made a tght dat i dont need dem, their support blah blah

    I am very much confused how to handle all these words which I have nvr xpctd. I am a wrkng girl and now my parents want to stop gng to ofc as I meet him at my workplace. They want me to resign from job and proceed to mrge as they say. I stayed back at home for 10days and strtd cmng to ofc agn. My parents dont at all want me to go to ofc.
    I am gtng very much frustated by all this frm an year and losing control. Spoiling my health too..
    I am very much depressed and badly want him in my lyf along wid my parents approval.
    Plz Plzz suggest me ways to convince my parents.. dey are not at all accepting this relationship and disagreeing to spk to his parents too.. I am locked in all ways horribly :(( :((

    Waiting for ur reply…..
    Thankyou…

    1. “To tie someone’s limbs together and throw them in the water (river).”
      That’s an idiomatic expression they use in Bengali to describe the kind of stuff your parents are doing.
      They are trying to make you quit your job and then get married to a guy you don’t know. And what do they expect you to do in case your husband or in-laws stress you – mentally or physically – after marriage (irrespective of whether it’s a love or arranged marriage)? They’ll tell you to “adjust”, won’t they? Till the time you die, that is. Pardon the extreme language Daya, but I’m sorry it’s not exaggerated at all.
      Anyway, regardless of whether you get married to your bf or someone else – DO NOT leave your job. Do not, under any circumstances, let go of your financial freedom.
      We have to hope for the best but still be prepared for the worst. Going by your description, your parents are highly conservative people. In case you face any kind of mental or physical stress after marriage (as many Indian women do), and – God forbid – should there arise a situation where you perceive any kind of risk from your husband/in-laws – let’s be realistic – your parents are unlikely to want you to come and live with them. If you have at least some level of financial freedom, it will help you in those kind of situations. E.g. if necessary, you can eke out a life on your own, regardless of help from your parents OR husband. Hence having your survival secured first is very important. It makes life a lot less risky, a lot less stressful.
      And this very popular belief held by many Indians – that love marriages fail more – is really hilarious. Daya, here’s something for you: Ask your parents two simple, straightforward questions:

      1. How many love marriages have you seen in your life?
      2. How many divorces have you seen in your life?

      :D I think you know what I’m talking about. :P

      As for convincing your parents, I have written a lot about this topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  39. Hi loveinindia..
    M d same rajput princess in a relationship since 11yrs…
    I confessed to my family dat m like a boy n if i ever get married it hs to b him..only.. i also told dam dat he z brahmin..( pyaar ki ladaee emandari se karo ..) ;)
    Till now i hv rejected 3 proposals which came n m still stuck on my words n i refuse to give up come whtever may..
    Last time u suggested to convinse den wrh love or run away wth d boy … till now due to my rejections a lot of fights hs taken place in d family which i knew it in advance.. .. a lot of emotional blackmailing still going on about wht d soceity will think n say about d repo. Of our family …but i listen to my heart n wth respect keep saying then calmly dat for u my happiness matters or d society n relatives…
    I also need to confess dis to u dat i got a lot of beating from my elder brother since 6th standard due to my naughty behaviour n whn i rejected d ptoposal i got d beating from him till date… my family n all r apoligining for his behaviour towards me since so long … but i also said dat if rajput boys r like dis i refuse to go to 1 …( took dis point in my favour ;) )
    About running away …my boy i love too hd problems in his family ( his elder sister hd some issues due to which her in laws came to his home n embarised his parents ) his family hd to ho through bad times last to last yr…so he wishes dat no such thing should repeat again dats y convincing my family z d only option left….
    I m open to all d options run , or anythinv but i wish to c only my love to b my life partner all through mu life :)…
    His family accepts me … evrything z perfect on d boy side ..i also told my parents dat he z hindu …n m happy wth me apko aur kya chahhiye…. n they want rajput boy which sucks… to my heart…
    We hv already waited for long n evn our pateince z dying now …
    My boy also said dat if he dint get to marry him he ll commit suicide or stay single for his entire life ….
    Plzzz help us …. waiting for ur reply eagerly…
    Thanku ..
    Angelprincess

    1. Angel,
      I’m sorry I couldn’t reply earlier.
      You have acted extremely intelligently. I laud the calmness of nerves that you’ve been able to maintain even in the face of the kind of situation you’re facing. I really feel very sad that you’ve taken to hunger strike finally. :( Don’t harm yourself dear, pls. Steal food and eat sometimes, when no one’s looking. I’m serious. First comes survival, emandaari can come later. ;)
      If it’s been FOUR LONG DAYS and your parents are still not budging I’m really not sure whether they’re flexible at all on this point. Do you think your hunger strike is having any effect on them? Pls let me know dear. I’m worried.
      I understand your bf’s situation. It’s disappointing that in India if a son/daughter disappoints/shames a parent by running away it’s considered a blasphemous dereliction of filial duties, but if a parent literally forces, blackmails and threatens a child into marrying a stranger, that’s not considered so. Yes, it’s true – he’ll be disappointing his parents if he runs away, because they’re already thru a lot becoz of the sister’s situation. But who has decided that the pain they’re deliberately causing their son by restricting his freedom is any less cruel an act? But then if he wants to put up with his family, it’s his decision. Has he tried convincing them? What’s their reaction? Is it possible to get any help from them at all?
      Let me know updates dear.
      All th best and my prayers are always with you.

  40. Hi! Am a girl of 25 from a hindu family in tamilnadu.. n my bf is a 26 yr old cmg from Hindu religion but from a different caste which my mom thinks a inferior to our caste. I dnt have my father who expired in an accident while i was a baby. So i want my mom to accept me wholeheartedly but she is not really ready to get me married to him for d following reasons:
    1. He is from different caste
    2. The horoscopes doesn’t match at all
    3. He is not good looking n she says dat he is not good for me
    4. D boys family is quite harsh in their approach as they r from village background n so my mom wants them to be polite always
    5. They r financially below us

    In my case my bf’s parents accepted me as they r also a couple who got love marriage. But my mom being from a traditional family she had so much dreams n trust over me.. but i was in love with my bf for d past 3yrs n i have sacrificed so much for him n his love even my flourishing career… But he or his parents r not ready to wait anymore for my moms acceptance n they say dat dis marriage is gng to be their prestige issue n as v r getting older they want us to get married soon..
    Its been 1 yr since v said our love to my family but my mom is not accepting n she still wants me to leave him for her prestige issue n other issues..
    But now i m really confused n got stuck in middle of both of d familys prestige issues n i am being so unhappy.. i even think of living alone instead of getting married as my bfs family is quite dominant n being a single parentr child i want my moms happiness in watever i do.. so i m not able to take a standard decision.. pls do help me out with my problem pls…

    1. Maya trsut your intuitions. I’m not concerned about castes, horoscopes etc. but marrying at a vast difference of social strata is really something you should give a lot of thought to.

      It’s great that you’ve been together for 3 years. I’m sure that has helped you gain clarity and made you sure about your decision. If you have doubts about his parents make it very clear to him right now. Demand to stay separately after marriage. Do not go walking into something you already know might mean trouble for you. You’re fortunate to have realized this before marriage (the issue regarding his parents). If he’s unable to leave the parental home right after marriage make him promise you a timeline by which you’d move out. And then – and this is the important bit – discuss with out (the time by which you would move out) in front of his parents so that all of you are clear with each other.
      Of course, if he’s unable to leave his parental home ever you need to think about your decision again very carefully.

      As for convincing one’s parents, I have written a lot about the topic. You’ve read this article. HEre are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. Of course you have responsibiilities to your mother. And you should certainly pay attention to her advice. But after that you need to take your own decision.
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  41. Hi!.its really good to hear your words… It means a lot to me… But i have this confusing thought or i have a kind of nostalgic feeling dat if once i get into their family afterall these efforts my mom wouldn’t neglect me but i would have hurt her so bad.. but again after all these sacrifices n compramises of mine i dont feel dat even when v move out my mom is gng to feel free as he is also d same as like his parents with short temperd attitude n dominant… I can adjust with it but not anyone can from my family… N he always says as our parents r not gng to live long so just dnt think of them let’s design our life as we wish… But its not easy for me to be so selfish coz if my dad is alive d situation might be did

  42. (Sorry its d continuation of d past msg)
    In my situation right now am d single daughter n my mom totally lived n still lives for me… So i cant just think lyk he thinks n be selfish as she had faced so many problems in bringing me up for d past 25yrs being a widow… So i think of deciding to stay for my mom… In dat case i had to lose my love which will lead to be being single until i myself think of getting married to another person which is quite impossible… But i can handle myself watever happens to me… But will my decision be right? Coz he insisted on getting married or he will stay single n he wil be losing his prestige infront of his people… I am having a high guilty feeling of making him get ashamed coz of me leaving him… But anyone decision must be made na so what could be my decision to be made in ur idea?

    1. Maya,
      Your bf’s points are contradictory. On the one hand he wants to design his life on his own without much regard to his parents, on the other he wants to get married right now (at 26, which is quite a young age for marriage for men) because his parents are not ready to wait longer. Point this out to him. Ask him to spell out very clearly what he wants. Explain your concern to him. He needs to understand that your situation is different from ordinary because of your father not being there for you or your mother. Make your concerns about his parents known. I hope you’re not without a job. If yes, get one bfore marrige. It’s very important for women to have some financial means before marrige, coz marriage is always a risk, how ever small.
      ATB

  43. Thought to take your help for my love life..
    Im in love wid a guy of dfrnt caste which is lower than my caste. And thats a point acc. to my parents. I am totally disagreed believing in castes. The guy is really a wonderful one n loves me a lott… I too love him a lot.. till d end of my life I wanna be wid him n takecare of him whole hearteldy. Same is from his side
    But the problem is frm my parents side. They are not at all ready to accept him and his family.
    We have told abt our love an year back and the issue is still going on at my home. The guy’s parents have accepted me bt its pending only frm my parents.
    I tried a lott of ways to convince dem.. d guy is damn gud n his family too..
    Only prblm is caste.
    My parents say its a mistake to proceed fr a intercaste mrge and what I am dng by convincing dem is “Making dem to involve in the mistake which I have committed”. I am very upset bcz of all these dscns.
    Firstly there prblm was lovemrges wont last lifelong. The generation is too hasty in making decisions n all stuff they said. But I clarified dem dat it isnt so.. the guy loves me a lot n he wud nvr leave me in any situation.
    Then parents said.. if u get married at per our wish we wud be der to us support u in ur bad n good tyms. I told dat even if i face any bad days I wont go to my parents straight fwd for help irrespestve of love or arngd mrge. Any girl is so.. she faces all she can do atlast if she cant handle den she goes to her parents. My parents are not rdy to accpt this xplanation and furthr they made a tght dat i dont need dem, their support blah blah

    I am very much confused how to handle all these words which I have nvr xpctd. I am a wrkng girl and now my parents want to stop gng to ofc as I meet him at my workplace. They want me to resign from job and proceed to mrge as they say. I stayed back at home for 10days and strtd cmng to ofc agn. My parents dont at all want me to go to ofc.
    I am gtng very much frustated by all this frm an year and losing control. Spoiling my health too..
    I am very much depressed and badly want him in my lyf along wid my parents approval.
    Plz Plzz suggest me ways to convince my parents.. dey are not at all accepting this relationship and disagreeing to spk to his parents too.. I am locked in all ways horribly :(( :((

    Waiting for ur reply…..
    Thankyou…

  44. Hi..im a hindu girl n m in love with a christian guy for 4yrs..im doing my final yr BE..he is working and financially very stable..both of our parents know abt our relationship before 3yrs..once when they came to know abt this they strictly said NO..i came across many emotional blackmails..my mom was ill after tat n they blames me m d reason for tat..i was forced to make a promise tat i ll forget him..i really felt very bad..his parents accepted it n decided to fix d marriage by next june ;)..but my parents dont know abt this..
    he is asking me to talk to them abt this….after 3 yr i talked abt our relationship to my dad he again says “if ur mom comes to knw abt this she ll die”..i told him then it is ok but i wont marry any other guy..he started to cry..before 2 months i told my dad that his parents accepted n they wants to talk to u..my dad says”ok”..but i know very well tat he may insult them which will lead to an unpleasant situation..i want everything to b smooth..i dont know wat to do..but m sure i want to marry him..im not ready to marry anyone other than him..his parents r not ready to wait until my parents accept..they want to fix his marriage by feb either with me or any other girl..coz he has a younger brother who is in love with a elder girl..they accepted tat too..

    1. You’re almost there Priya. Just play it very, very calmly from now on. Your parents love you, else they wouldn’t come this far. And pls don’t pay any heed to the “death” related emotional blackmailing.
      About your bf’s parents – well, you need to talk to him about this. You have been together for 4 long years. Your bf is financially stable and given your credentials you’ll also be, very soon. What more do his parents need for a great match? Why is he not able to make them see that it’s you – his girlfriend – who he wants to get married to, and marriage won’t make any sense to him if it is with some random person, hence getting married in Feb. “to whoever” is a ludicrous idea?
      Just don’t lose hope Priya, you really are almost there.
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

  45. i am a hindu girl and i love a muslim boy. Mujhe samjh me hi nah aa raha me kya karun parents ko hurt nah kar sakte aur ye bhi jante hu ki wo kabhi bhi iss relationship ko accept nah karenge. Please help me, me kisi or se shadi nah kar sakte, me apne parents ko kaise batun aur manun iss relationship k liye.

    1. An interfaith relationship is always a challenge, esp in India. Try this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/inter-religious-marriage/

      As for convincing your parents, I understand it’s a tricky situation, especially given that your relationship is inter-religious. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  46. Hello loveinindia ..
    Plzzz help …i wrote thrice but no responce from u yet…
    To convince my parenrts m on strike like anna haazare ..no food n water since 4 days .. mummy n badi mummy came to offer food but since i dint eat they had it…:( ….. ..i logged in to check wth d hope dat may b i get some reply from u ..plzzzzzzzzzzzz help …waiting eagerly for ur reply…
    Angelprincess

  47. Thanku soooooo much 4 replying …:)
    Mmmuuuaahhhh…dis once 4 u dear..
    My parents came in d morning n said dat eat something n wht ur asking from us we will never agree to dat …maar jayengay …hum sab they r saying dis …
    Not evn for once they thought ki m such a rebelious girl if i could love a boy soo much without there knowing 4 11 yrs …i could hv run away n got married but its bcoz i love n respect them …i thought of asking 4 there permission n blessings n dis z wht i m getting in return…:(
    For d boy its just dat he wants things in a right way ….bcoz of wht happened wth his sister …n secondly he doesnt want to hurt his parents 4om his side …
    Dats y he s not marring me without d approval of my family …
    N evn if i convince him to marry me m sure his family will accept us on d spot without much drama n tension like my family…bus woh bade logo ke gaande taane baad mein nahi chahhiye to each other …dat z wht he z scared of …
    m badly badly hurt right now …n i dont want to give up for d only hope which z my love …at dis point …
    Plzzz say wht to do now…
    M thinking of getting married to him n inform my parents later …bcoz saam daam dhund bheed sab try kar liya yaar ….aab either i suicide or i get married to him …
    Plzzz reply bck soon i sincerly need a gud shot walla advince at dis point…
    Thanku lovei india
    Angelprincess

    1. So what’s your boyfriend’s alternative solution to hurting his parents? Not getting married after 11 years of relationship, and then marrying a stranger? Is that what he wants?

  48. Hi Loveinindia.
    I have a different scenario regarding my relationship. I am planning to get married to my girlfriend who has been in love with me for about 6 years. I am 29 and she is 25. She is the daughter of my blood brother’s wife brother. With that I mean she calls me ‘uncle’. Last year my family was upset after finding that I am dating her. My mother sworn before God that she will never attend my wedding nor accept my future wife as her daughter-in-law after wedding. Her parents also has rejected me and they don’t want they daughter to marry me. Despite all this stuff, we still love each other (my girlfriend) and we are planning to get married within a month. Please, advice me is really okey to marry this girl? Is she really my relative that I cannot marry her? The truth is,I love her and I know she also loves me….

    1. Oh cummon. You don’t have any blood relation with her. You absolutely can marry her. I don’t know why your parents are so against your relationship, ’cause even the usual deterrants (from their pov) like castes, ethnicity, family background etc. are also exactly matching in your case, since your bhaabi is from the same family. You’ve also knwon each other for 6 years, which must’ve given you ample opportunities to know each other well. So I’m sure your decision of marriage is based on solid understanding of each other. So all the best dear. :)

  49. In addition, the wife of my brother is not in favor of our relationship. She kept telling my girlfriend to break up with me. But my brother is flexible. He told me that I should listen to my heart. Help please!!!!!!!!

  50. Hey,

    Ive just come across your website, and it really strikes a chord. Amongst everyones issues, im going to jump right in it aswell.

    Im hindu, but one who hasn’t really spent a lot of time growing up in india (as opposed to my parents, and extended family). My boyfriend is a british Asian muslim, who has grown up here in the UK, and whose parents grew up here aswell. Having been together for a fair amount of time, we told our parents about each other (he told his parents first). His parents loved me, and still do. We have quite an open an honest reln where they’ve even said that at first they wanted their son to have met someone of the same religion, however, as they see how happy he is, they are more than happy for us. I must add, there has never been any talk of conversion. In fact, the topic has been ridiculed. My family on the other hand, are insanely against it. Its been a year of verbal abuse, nastiness, and general animosity towards me. They are so against it all that they literally know nothing about him. They don’t even want to (however they say that, but then google him.. ridiculous). I had the support of my sister in law and brother before I told my parents. But as they flipped when I told them, my brother and sis-in-law swapped sides, and it really ended up like a 4 on 1 verbal match. F (my bf) and I are at that stage now that we want to get engaged. I would never (even after ALL that’s been said and done) get engaged without telling my parents first. But im scared (obviously). Ive kind of resigned myself to the fact that if and when it does come to getting married, no one from my family will be there. I know I need to bring up the topic of wanting to get engaged. I know it probably will blow up again; it might even have the added blackmail with the health scares and what not.
    Im just scared. And nervous.
    We live in a multi cultural environment, and “religious acts” are more associated to family time in my mind. I believe more in the spiritual wellbeing of someone.. Rather than banking on age old books or traditions to validate myself today.
    F and I stuck through it all of last year (him more than me, i was an emotional, moody wreck), and it could have been so easy to just say “you know what, my parents arent happy with this, im getting a butt load of grief, i dont need this” and walk away. But i didnt, I know i want my life with him. I hoped that proved my committment to this reln in the eyes of my family. But nothing has really changed.

    1. I’m glad you’ve taken a stance here Snoopy. :) Unless young people like you show some courage to stand by what they believe, our ancient Indian society will continue to go backwards and backwards, as it does.
      While it’s totally understandable to want everyone you love to at least happily accept each other, if it does come to choosing between two parties, you have to choose whoever makes you happy. You’re saying it would’ve been easy to walk away from the relationship, but why would you let others dictate your life, Snoopy? Then how are you different from a girl in a remote Indian village with zero choice wrt marriage?
      A marriage is always a risk, however small. Check this to know mroe: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
      All the best for your future marriage. But whenever the going gets tough – and it will, from time to time – don’t let your family do the “we told you” on you. Be strong.
      All the best. :)

  51. im 23 yrs old my bf is 25yrs n he is from diff caste. my parents got to knw abt my love wit him. im in love frm 5yrs i cant imagine life witout him. my parents are harassin in all d way. they dint let me to college i begged each n evry person in family to let me complete my engineering. nw nt leavin to job also n to do higher studies also. he is very good guy. parents says they ll be humiliated by this n they treat me has if i ve do a crime.

    1. “To tie someone’s limbs together and throw them in the water (river).”
      That’s an idiomatic expression they use in Bengali to describe the kind of stuff your parents are doing.
      They are trying to stop you from doing a job and then get married to a guy you don’t know. And what do they expect you to do in case your husband or in-laws stress you – mentally or physically – after marriage (irrespective of whether it’s a love or arranged marriage)? They’ll tell you to “adjust”, won’t they? Till the time you die, that is. Pardon the extreme language Divya, but I’m sorry it’s not exaggerated at all.
      Anyway, regardless of whether you get married to your bf or someone else – DO NOT give in to these pressures to not take up a job. Do not, under any circumstances, let go of your financial freedom. Tell lies at home if need be. Tell them you’ve broken up with your bf and they can allow you to do a job now. Do whatever it takes but your #1 priority right now is to get that job you want.
      We have to hope for the best but still be prepared for the worst. Going by your description, your parents are highly conservative people. In case you face any kind of mental or physical stress after marriage (as many Indian women do), and – God forbid – should there arise a situation where you perceive any kind of risk from your husband/in-laws – let’s be realistic – your parents are unlikely to want you to come and live with them. If you have at least some level of financial freedom, it will help you in those kind of situations. E.g. if necessary, you can eke out a life on your own, regardless of help from your parents OR husband. Hence having your survival secured first is very important. It makes life a lot less risky, a lot less stressful.

      As for convincing your parents, I have written a lot about this topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  52. Hi loveinindia..
    He says he wont marry anyone else except me … no matter wht … n says me to b strong n to keep my patience …. n to keep convincing my parents calmly ..for they will definately agree in d end for him..
    Angelprincess..

  53. Hi, I know this is a love in india site and my situation is slightly different as I am from the UK. However my parents are from India originally and have VERY traditional views. I am from a caste called Mahers and I have been with a boy who is not in my caste for nearly 4 years. We want to get married and his side of the family are happy with it. I told my parents last night that I wanted to marry him and I explained that he was not Maher. Once I said this they did not want to listen to me and started telling me that they wanted to kill themselves and that they were going to commit suicide because of this. They would not listen to me or explain anything and my dad kept saying that I had lied to him and I knew he felt strongly about the caste and I should not have done this. They kept telling em that it is only feeling and I will get over it and that they want me to get married to the caste, When I explained that I love him they kept saying that I love him more than my parents and kept twisting it back onto them. Both my parents said I might aswell kill them. When I tried to get some understanding out of them I asked them if I was a boy what would they have done and they said they would not have been happy but they would have had o let me do it. So becuause I am a girl I am having to suffer? I asked about my happiness and they kept talking about theirs and how I have ruined their life and their dreams. They have wanted to retire in india and ive there but now they cant becuase I have done this to them. I said I will stay home and but I will not marry anyone else and my mum started saying she was going to kill herself because I didnt want to marry a maher person.
    This is too much, I would rather them have beaten me and kicked me out. The emotional blackmail is too much for me, I cant take them telling me they are going to kill themselves.
    Can you please tell me if you have heard of this situation before? I am trying to stay strong and wait it out.

    Thank you

  54. Your entire “thesis” on love marriage is “mindblowing”.

    IT IS INDEED COMMEDABLE. in the name of society, religion,god, etc, children are forced to marry. so i think in india atleast we should notify that there are three kinds of marriages:
    1.love marriage.
    2. arranged marriage.
    3.”forced” marriage.
    sadly, many people fall in the third category. only the ones with brave heart and courage can swim against the current and fight all odds to see the life they long cherished in their dreams and do love marriage.
    anyways ur work throws light on the issue from all possible corners.
    i cant stop gushing praises about the best piece i have ever read on this matter of love marriage.
    also the table which u have made in one part to explain parents should actually be printed and pasted in homes of those wanting an approval from their parents :-), only then they will realise the value of the happiness of their child.

    anyways what do u suggest in a case where, the girl is in her mid 30s, the boy is 5 yrs younger (but they havent realised (this age problem) in their relationship in 1 year, the compatibility is too good on “all fronts” : same career,same thinking,same maturity !! although different caste ) nevertheless , the two are comfortable in all spheres.
    the main question comes to the past of girl : where she had some family issue becoz of a falsely perceived reality becoz of which she had impact on her health and developed ” a reversible skin ailment ; serious one indeed “. although, she has been actively working towards the inner well-being and the boy is helping her with that “a lot”. the boy knows how well a change in thought pattern can change our physical ailment (little spiritual talk. sorry for that.)
    but that is where the problem starts….the boy’s family has been adamant on not accepting the girl because she is elder and her physical ailment and again the same old community issue being dragged alongwith it. (the boy’s family is strict in outlook regarding such things)
    the boy is ready to persist to deal with his family but needs some help about how to go about.
    the girl hasnt said anything to her parents as yet.
    the girl and boy are also fearful that her falsely perceived reality may become a real issue (and thus cause an increase in her physical ailment)
    the boy is “baap (father) of all patience and perseverance” and has made life out of scratch by supporting his family too when they all were drowning in money issues.it is little better now, but some more time is needed by him.nevertheless the girl doesnt see that much.
    the same issue brought disrespect to the family some years ago, and now when they are gaining ground becoz of the boy and his sister’s popularity/profession , then in such case the parents feel it will add to their sagging image and put more blot/laughter etc (and they use all adjectives !!)(the sister has found a match in the community and is soon to be married.)
    now the big question how should the boy and girl go ahead.

  55. Please Help!
    My bf and I have been together for last 4 years, we live overseas and we intend to get married, however his parents are completely against it. The guy is a punjabi jatt while I am a malayali, his parents reckon I wont be able to keep up with their culture as I am from Mumbai and they are from a village. His older brother forced his parents into him having a love marriage and his wife was a city girl too.. They have huge issues all the time, so his brother regrets his decision as well. Now my bf’s parents and his brother are saying no to him plus all relatives keep adding “bade bhai ki tarah izzat mitti mein mat milana”
    My bf’s mother has gone hysteric ever since she heard about me and my bf fears something might happen to her. His parents and rest of the family says they ll disown him . I don’t know what to do, my bf is frustrated all the time too..I cant see him this way…please advice…

    1. While castes and creeds don’t matter in the real world, vast differences in culture and upbringing do have an influence on relationships. This is meant specially for you: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/interracial-marriage/
      Have a look. It will help you understand how to prepare for possible challenges and how to handle them. You have an advantage – you live overseas. Besides you have a relationship based on 4 years of undersatnding. I’m quite confident you can work it out with your parents. All the best for your marriage. :)

  56. plz help i m very confused that whom to choose sometimes i think i shud go wid my parents choice n sometimes i think my bf is right i m having 8 yr relationship n since 10 mnths hving long distance relationship . our understanding n trust is very well n his parents are happy to accept me as daughter in law but my parents doesn’t like his dad’s transport business bt my bf is not doing business he is doing mba in Canada so whom to listen?????plz suggest all pros n cons if i take any decision .my dad says he ‘ll not allow me to enter at home after doing intercaste marriage i m maharashtrian girl n he is a punjabi boy only prob is frm my side not frm his side my mother n father in lam are eager too see as a bride.. so plz help

    1. I understand it’s a tricky situation. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      You have a relationship based on 8 years of understanding. While no one can ever be 100% sure about the future stability of any relationship, the longer you’ve been together, the more likely you are to remain together longer. Relationships are like fixed deposits – their value increases with time. Hence I’m quite confident that you have enough grounds to pursue the current relationship, at least.
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

        1. and i dnt want to leave him he is possesive and much caring…and since 8 yrs i’ve been seeing that i had many quarrells bt atlast we dont utter any kind of a word that to end our relatinship and all dat we both hv promised that we’ll never speak such type of words to one another. so i m very confident abt him..

      1. mam i’ve convinced my parents bt they are saying that his father owns a transport company bt in the punjabi community they do hav such businesses so is this the valid reason and now my parents dnt want to listen me for my choice anymore..so what should i do?? they only convicing me too marry in our caste only..plz help mam..

        1. Well, so far as differences in your backgrounds are concerned, your parents’ concerns are not entirely baseless, I’m afraid. While caste differences are not so important in the real world, differences in culture and upbringing are. When they say they have an issue with transport business etc., what exactly do they mean? Are a an all service-people family? In that case they do have a point. In India at least, there are cultural differences between service and business families. Add to that your regional differences. But you have 8 years goign for you, that’s a plus. :) I assume such a long period of time together has given you enough insights into him as a person. This would’ve helped you understand whether these differences have significant negative impact on yoru compatibility or not. And since even after 8 years you’re still confident it’s he you want, I assume these differences are not so damaging. :)
          But.
          The important question here is whether you’d be living together with his family after marriage. Remember, an Indian man when alone with his girlfriend before marriage, and the same man teamed up with his entire family, living with his wife – are entirely different games. Well not always, but usually. ;) He’s a modern young adult. The visible influences of his Punjabi transport business owning family on him may be minimal. But if you go and start living with them, it’s just possible that you’ll have to go through a culture shock. Just possible, not necessary. ;)
          The best thing to do hence, is to not live together with them. If the two of you start a family of your own separately, I don’t see that much of a problem. Here, check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/interracial-marriage/
          Let me know.

          1. mam u r absolutely right we’re going to settle in canada .and his parents will b staying in india .i visited his home .and his mother and father both are nice and they also want me to get higher education in canada.we’ll b doing mba.n in my family they say sometimes that my wud b is a terrorist n all dat.n nowdays for job or higher studies we hv 2 go out n live their so in caste or intercaste i hv 2 live wid husband only and nt family .so is the case and he only helping me to do mba nt my parents bcz my parents wil nt b accepting us if i do court marriage.so he’ll b taking responsibility of my higher education and all.and nt only his parents bt many punjabi family businesses hv so ithink that every caste has his own type of business.nd wen 1st tym i visited his home so his mother cooked parathas for me and served us . so i like that type of mentality in which she is nt thinking that any type of such things that many people do nowdays that if mother in law is coking n serving her daughter in law it wud b an big issue.nd she said to me that i’ll not b giving much work to u we’ll doing together so that u (me) feels good in that home nd nt feeling depressed that i only doing the work nd my mother in law is jus sitting this type of atmosphere is their. so shud i continue wid my relation or shud i think once a while mam plz suggest

          2. i read ur article its very nice and i think that whether we r having differents castes .it will not going to damage our relation bcz he is also submissable and me also .so castes wil never apart us .and we’ve disscussed this part also that which caste between us we shud follow he said that its ur wish u can folow any i’ll not b forcing u too adopt mine and neither our childrens he’ll b forcing to adopt fathers caste .so any type of forcing is not there bt by heart i love to go gurudwara and he never forces me that u shud go or not he says its ur wish
            he is also not a really hard core caste follower like somepeople do. he belifs in god and if i take him to my caste he is still d same he i’ll come wid me where i go.so we hv talked all such matters …mam is it really nice1????waiting for reply…

  57. Hey,
    I am 22 i am kayastha and my boyfriend is 23. He is Brahmin. and we love each other completely. After 5 years of our relationship, when he talked to his about love marriage she reacted very weird. She said she will never let it happen even after 5 years. In his family once his cousin sister did love marriage and she is completely ignored by the society. So we both are scared and we are not getting any solution for convincing them anyways. Please help us.

  58. Hey,
    I am 22 i am kayastha and my boyfriend is 23. He is Brahmin. and we love each other completely. After 5 years of our relationship, when he talked to his family especiallu mom about love marriage she reacted very weird. She said she will never let it happen even after 5 years. he has 2 siblings one elder brother and sister. Both have a huge age gap. So he doesnt get any support from them even. He can’t share anything with anyone in his family. He has totally orthodox family. In his family once his cousin sister did love marriage and she is completely ignored by the society. So we both are scared and we are not getting any solution for convincing them anyways. Please help us.

  59. hi,

    I am a 25 year old gal, deeply in love with a boy from last 6 years.Initially our parents agreed for our marriage(although boy’s papa was a lil bit confused bcz of Intercaste marriage, but later on agreed). Everything was just near to closure. But suddenly boy’s parents started talking abt Kundali’s and all stuff and finally closed our chapter in Nov,2012. We tried for 3-4 months, but then boy’s parents started saying that they r having heart problem and all and finally the boy QUIT bcz he was afraid of his parent’s health.
    Eventually after 6-7 months, in July 2013, we both satrted meeting each-other again. Boy accepted that nw he has realised everything and he is going to try again at his level. He talked to his parents againg, but this tym also they did d same thing. They refused at all and started saying that they r nt feeling well and nt able to sleep even. They ll discard him from Family Jaydad(jayadad se be-dakhal krna etc) and all. And the boys again left it after hearing their health issues.
    Please guide us hw to come out of this mess without hurting his parent’s health. And how should he convince his parents. He loves me a lot bt he cant hurt his parents. He is nt doinbg well in his career also bcz of this problem. but nt saying all this to his parents. How should I push my guy to force or convince his parents.
    Please help us….its urgent…..v both are facing health issues as well bcz of this. v cant live without each other but nt able to sort it out…..

  60. Hey,
    Here’s the problem..I’m dating this guy since 2yrs almst..he’s a sindhi and I’m a muslim irani..now his parents want him to get married as per their choice..and he tells me that he has spoken to them about me..and they have disagreed..he is the only child to his parents and only boy of d family..he says that I love u but can’t just go against my parents..they have looked after me ..have some expectations from me..basically he doesn’t know what he should do..the only way he has thought of is to not go against his parents by not getting married to me but also not get married at all..
    I’m the one who is in a fix…!!I’m blank I really dnt knw what should I do..plzz help me..ilove him a lot..

  61. Hi, I wana share a big issue gng on in my lyf..am 21, hindu n deeply in lv wth a muslim guy frm last 4 years. The guy loves me truly n deeply, very caring & cooperative, is also ready t convert t hinduism 4 me, our parents got t noe bot us alot of tyms n r strictly against it specially my parents, they r threatening him on fone n stuff, I cnt imagne my lyf widout him plz help ;(

    1. Hello Neha,
      I’m sorry to hear about that.
      Neha I’m afraid your parents are very unlikely to be “convinced”. BUT. 21 is no age for marriage. You have knwon the guy for 4 long years which is great. Such stability means you both really understand each other and it gives me greater confidence for the success of your relationship. But Neha, I wouldn’t recommend stressing about marriage at this early age. Marriage means a lot, A LOT of responsibility. You’re not mature enough for that. Why don’t you tell your parents you’ve forgotten all about him, and that you don’t want to get married for another 4 years? In the meantime take your relationship under cover, lie low, continue seeing him but pretend to be single. Does that work? Let me know.

  62. Hi loveinindia…
    Yes m still not eating anything …d fast continues…. just a sip or 2 of water n whn all fall asleep a bread or 2 ..dats it …
    M a rajput warrior not a worrier…:)
    Dont worry about it ..thanks for ur concern dear…:) …
    I love him a lot n m not giving up on him in any case ….
    Just guide me wht to do now ..i just cant evn imagine myself wth some1 else …d thought also sucks ….
    N i cant evn run as i told u in earlier comments…
    Its been 5 months n m trying to convince my parents…. they keep saying kgana kha loo…but tum jo bol rahee ho woh to hum nahi maan sakte…
    Plzzz help …
    Thanku loveinindia…
    Love angelprincess

    1. Why is it a one-sided fight Angel? What on earth is the matter with your bf? Here you are, fasting away, taking a huge risk on yourself. And your bf is not ready to run away because “he doesn’t want to harass his parents any more than they already have been”?? Why is your huge sacrifice not as important to him as “even more inconvenience” to his parents. In fact, the fact that both he and his sibling have been forced to take extreme means just in order to have their own lives in order, goes to say a lot about his parents’ rigidity. His sibling’s actions DON’T make him more responsible for his parents’ mental peace. His siblings actions bear testimony to his parents’ stubborn, controlling nature, and gives him all the more reason to follow suit.
      If he can’t see this patent truth I’m afraid you have a bigger problem wrt him than wrt your family. Talk to him about this. Call out this obvious elephant in the room. Without his cooperation your sacrifice is futile.

    2. Hi angel
      I have been following ur story. My story is nearly same as urs. I want to know what happend further. Whether ur parents agreed or not. And did u managed to marry ur love. Plz share.
      Hope all ur wishes come true
      -Shiksha

  63. Hi,

    I am a 23year old guy, madly in love with this 25 year old girl. The girl’s family is orthodox and she is a Tamil Iyengar, while I am a Kannadiga Lingayat. Both of us badly want to be married to each other. While my parents are ok with me getting married to her, they want me to wait for another 2 years ATLEAST!! We want to be married/engaged as soon as possible( by December, 2013). Her parents are not at all ready to accept this association. My parents are very egoistic and my fear is, our parents would meet for discussion and end up with an unpleasant conversation, thereby, spoiling all hopes of us getting married to each other. Her parents have a problem with the caste difference, age difference and difference in social status. Also, she has a younger sister whose future they are concerned about ( They are afraid of not finding a good guy if her elder sister gets an inter-caste marriage). While my father is a senior police officer. Her family is quite middle class. She is not being treated well at her place, and it bothers me too much. I am ready to go to any extent to make sure I am with her for the rest of our lives. Both of us are financially independent, earning a handsome amount of money. She is emotionally and mentally quite weak now. She has no energy left in her to fight back. Please tell me what to do!

    Thank you!

    1. XYZ. Usually Indian parents pressurize their children to get married earlier than the children want. Your parents want you to wait. Why on earth do you want to speed up the marriage process? Taking more time to take a marriage decision is always better than taking less. http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
      Is it because of pressures on her from her family to get married?
      It’s a pity that Indian parents take their children’s parents-in-law as an arch-enemy. This is so ironical, because marriage – at a very basic level – is a voluntary bond of love. It’s unfortunate that you’re living in fear of the meeting between the two sets of parents turning into something unpleasant.

      As for your gf, she has to be strong XYZ. And I don’t understand this strange logic of becoming a social outcast if “your children have had intercaste marriages”. I mean what kind of a society do we live in? If each individual keeps moving backwards we’ll all keep moving backwards. SOMEONE has to start moving forward, right? The depth of darkness among some Indian families is really unbelievable, I must say. :(

      As for convincing your parents, I have written a lot about this topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy. Somewhere both of you have to make a choice. ;)
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  64. I Have been dating a guy for almost two years. he is 36 years old and i am 26 years old. im indian and he is a white. we get on extremely well and share the same goals, visions and morals and hobbies etc. i recently took him home to meet the folks and as i guessed they disapproved becoz of the age gap and race. but we dont see a problem with it and have talked through all the possible factors that could work against us in the future having come from different races. Religion is not an issue as i have not been brought up in a religious hindu home and only practice the cultural rituals when need be. i am also all my life been open to christianity and even went to church with my BF and i enjoy it becoz of the deeper message directed towards humanity. we talked about kids- how we should raise them, household chores and who will be responsible for what and our personal goals in life and exoectations ect. we planning to get married in two years time and saving up from now every month so that we can buy a place together when we married. we are trying our very best to meet and adddress all the challenges that come with having a 10 year age gap and by being in an interracial relationship ect.

    the problem comes in with my mum she will not except it an said she never will i am terrified of loosing her as we were were once very close and she is quite a harsh women who is very old fashion and thinks what i am doing is completely wrong. my dad and sisters were initially concerned about the age gap but now understand that it is my choice to make but mum won’t have it. They have made me and bf aware of the challenges that come with age gap such as him having more life experience than me ect and of him perhaps not having the same energy levels as me to do things when we get older. but in terms of life experiences he has never married, never lived with a girl before and does not have any kids not does he own any property ect. so essentially we in he same stage of our life in terms of starting out. we are both in professional fields and have high prospects in both of our careers to stand on our own.

    we have a very open relationship and i share almost every fear and concern with each other about life and our future and talk about it rationally ect.. the rest of my family knows that im with him but tonyt i need to tell my mum that i havent stopped seeing him after she treated me to leave him or loose her ect. im so terrified bcoz my mum is very scary and intimidating but I feel I need to do this not only for me and my freedom but for my independence and any chance of having my own life a happy life. i am the youngest so i assume letting go of the youngest is hard but my mum puts up a fight a real big one!! apparently my aunt told my sis that her mom (my gran) done the same thing to her when she brought my dad home she treated to cut her off ect and after they got married ect her mom opened up to my dad ect. my problem comes in where i love my bf alot and he is very supportive and have been with each other thru alot of thick and thin situation and can see a future with him but im a very indecisive person and tend it struggle to make confident decisions without some one giving some form of acceptance or approval. Ive noticed this about myself esp going through these hardships now. I guess it stems from being the youngest and having my family dynamics that I always needed the permission of my parents and sister in everything I did in my life and every decision I made. And if they were fine with it it made me feel more secure in my decision. My sis brought up the issue of him being 36 and not owning any property but renting and hwo will he look after me, which is a valid point. He does however a good salary and in a stable job..i brought this issue up with himn and he mentioned that he is saving and plans to buy a home in the next year and a half so that he has a home and something to offer me when we get married. We also feel that it will make my parents take us more serious and able to look after and provide for ourselves. My parents spoiled me and sisters quite abit and all drive Mercedes and live in huge home. but I also understand that any couple starting out are not millionaires ect or have huge homes and fancy cars but we both have very good earning potential
    Im a 26 year old women with four degrees but its sooo bizarre that I still feel like a child on the inside and perhaps still behave like a teen due to my family dynamics. I want to make this decision for me and my life but im so unsure if im doping the ryt thing becoz im not getting 100% approval from folks and of all the challenges, how can I just grow up- I am so frustrated with myself bcoz im so indecisive and change my mind daily. Having said that I am a very loyal and sincere person and when I love and open up to someone I open up and love them with my all and treat them like family and my bf is the same so I will never just drop him but feel so conflicted inside…. Please help I really love this man and weve been through a lot and he has proved his loyalty and love for me over and over but I also love my family bcoz they my family. Its so unfair to make me choose. Please help?

    1. Congratulations Melissa, on showing the courage to come this far in the first place. You’re right – feeling like a child inside is something not so uncommon among Indian young adults, as they don’t experience adulthood in the true sense until they get married (for men, probably not even that. :D). The overcontrolling parental culture in our country contributes significantly to this.
      Check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/interracial-marriage/. While it doesn’t deal strictly with your case, you’ll get a general idea as to how to approach marriage in the context of a cross-cultural relationship.
      Your differing faiths can also be an issue – not just to parents but also wrt your relationship itself. The following article will help you here: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/inter-religious-marriage/
      One word of caution – because of your significant age gap and differing cultures, in your case two years is not sufficient for taking a decision on something as important as marriage, I’m afraid. I suggest you spend at least a year or two more with him before you can take such a decision. Here’s something to help you: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
      As for convincing your parents, I think your confidence has already started having its effect on them. You’re educated and soon you’ll be financially independent (I hope). Which should help. But if there’s vast difference in the financial strata from which the two of you come (you being used to a lavish lifestyle etc.), that can be an issue. Make sure you’re mentally prepared for possible hardships that might come with having to start a family from scratch with no financial backing (this is where taking a few more years to understand him better comes in).
      I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:

      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
      http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/

      Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
      Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
      All the best.

  65. Thanku ao mch 4 d rep..n ya evn m nt interested in marriage rut nw..thrz lot t achieve in my career n 4 him as well..n ya I assured my parents dt m nt wth him bt v r in contact, I really dunno hw t convince them wen d tym comes they’ve already cm t noe alot f tyms as far as I noe my mom she understands my feelings I guess bt is jus under d pressure f d society, my guy is very very supportive n cooperative..loves me lyk anythn n same wth me plz suggest smthn dt hw cn I convince my parents wen d ryt tym comes n also wt preventive measures t tke so dt it dun get disclose ths tym in r families!!

  66. N u said “my parents r vry unlikely t gt convinced” :( ..in wht context did u say dt? I mean is it cz f r cultural differences or cz f my age? Plz show me sm ray of hope am in grt tension ;(

    1. Neha what I mean is, because of the differnces which would be considerd “serious” by the average set of Indian parents. And from the kind of scenario you’ve described – your parents come across as quite stubborn. You seem very depressed. I feel instead of wasting energy on trying to convince your parents, you should just forget about the matter right now and tell yourself, “I’ll handle it when the time comes.”, and postpone the matter for at least 2-3 more years. Just stop bringing it up with your parents. What’s the point stressing both yoruself and them by discussing something which is not even relevant for at least a few years now?

  67. Thanks ..me n my guy hv decided d same..keepin patience n concentrating on r respected careers..let dt tym cum..despite of all ths I still hv faith in god n if r marriage doesnt happens we both hv decided dt v will nt marry anybdy else..v wud prefer t stay single..thanx once again !!

    1. Oh cummon..You don’t need to stay single. :D Just wait for a few years, stabilize your careers, become financially independent, and then call these guys: http://lovecommandos.org/. They’ll help you carve out a life on your own, in case you need to act against your parents.
      ATB :)

  68. Yahi to panga hai :( I cnt go against my parents specially my mom I lv my mom n my guy equally..so really cnt mke a choice..n rest I’ll hope n will kp in faith on god..I really hope ths tym things come in my favour n btw thnku so mch 4 ur support ur really a lovely person whoz helping true lovers :)

  69. Hi,
    My situation is more or less the same as discussed above. I am in a relationship with a girl for 3 years now(both of us working). Our parents are ready. But there is a little problem(big actually). My girlfriend’s brother(elder, married and father of two daughters) is not at all ready for this marriage and is threatening his parents that if they agree for this marriage then he will not let them home. He abuses everyone(including his own parents for the same reason).
    My girlfriend’s father is going through very difficult phase(had heart operation in Feb., faced huge loss in business and bank loans). He says that he is helpless and cannot go against his son’s decision as they have to live with him.
    Here, my parents are forcing me to get married(as am turning 30). They are asking me to leave my gf and get married to some other girl of their choice because they gave me enough time(and everyone one society and relation, is asking them about my marriage and they donot have anything to reply as nothing is finalized yet) and my mom is not keeping well too.
    I have already told them that I cannot marry any one else except my gf but they always try to force me to change my decision. I also tried explaining them about my gf’s parent’s situations and asked them to give me sometime so that i can try to convince my gf’s parent. My parents asks me, how long I will take to convince them as I am trying the same for past 3 years..
    My girlfriend is ready to marry me against her family’s will, but i donot want to do marriage against both families(doesn’t mean I can leave her), because:
    1) Both family lose face in relation and society.
    2) I donot know if her father can take this shock(heart patient), and if something wrong happens to him due to all this.
    3) My parents will never support this kind of marriage.
    4) As no one will support us, and if something hapens to me then who will take care of her(my gf).

    I donot know what to do??? I am really very tensed and cannot concentrate in my work. I always think of these things only. I love both.. my family and my gf and i cannot choose any one..

    Please help.

  70. Hi ,

    I Sacrifice my GF because of my parents decision as they were very old and i am only one to them . A new girl entered in to my life as a life partner with out my presence as my parents wish . I just agree what my parents told at least to make them happy . Due to this i suffered my GF a lot but I love her the most that no one can love in the world for ever and ever . I dont want her to make her hurt infront of my parents daily . I completed 6 months with out her :( .
    Even now also i am unable to digest the things that i am married . always i am thinking , crying no hopes on my life too .. i dont know why i am living also . I am unable to move comfortably with my wife also . Please suggest me did i took correct decision ? i dont know with whom i need to share also . Hate my life ….

    1. Harry, I’m really touched by your story. I know it’s truly depressing. But that’s how random Indian married life often is. It’s unbelievable that we believe in sacrificing our life’s happiness and peace of mind for the sake of social customs. And I find it really Ironical that India is a culture which is known for its family values, and yet Indian parents care so little about their children’s happiness that they force them into this kind of situations.
      Anyway, the past is past. I can be practical and tell you to suck it up, never bother about your wife, and continue to have an affair with your girlfriend. That’s probably the only realistic option you have at the moment. However we always have a choice between the right and the easy. The right thing to do here is to tell your wife you want a divorce for personal reasons. Tell her you’re not in love with her. But no need to tell her everything (she might use it against you). Harry, your wife is the most innocent party here. She had no idea what she was getting into. Now she would be facing a divorce for no fault of her own. Harry it’s unlikely that it would be a peaceful mutual divorce, in case you decide to get one. You’ll probably end up with lifelong alimony liabilities. But hey you’ve got your parents to help you out with that. :-P usually I feel people to get away from oppressive parents as soon as possible but in your case I won’t cause you’d need their help throughout your divorce case.
      But one word of caution – make sure you’ve discussed this with your girlfriend and you’re sure she’s not going to get married to someone random – like you did – in the meantime.

  71. Can u plz help me with this? i m in love with a guy, n we both r working.. no financial problems. Guys parents have agreed, but my parents are stubborn, they want me to marry a guy whom they choose. I have informd my sister and my mom abt my love but no one is supportive, they say if my dad knows this he will die. Recently they have seen a guy and my dad wants me to marry him i said m not interested in marriage and want to stay alone but he said dont go to work, stay at home, dont spoil our respect n started blamin me for everything. I have inofrmed them that not to be so rude to me and i have not done any mistake. But if i speak something they say they will commit suicide. My mom is not allowing guys parents to come home. They r forcing me a lot to marry another for sake of their respect and society. I m fed up i am not sure what to do. please help me deal with this situation. please

  72. contd.. My boyfriend is very supportive, he is my strenght, he makes me smile always. He is helping me to deal with this situtation and speak to my parents but my dad and mom has this caste feeling and they are assumin many things, For them society respect is important not me. But i want everyone to be happy, no one should suffer bcoz of me. i want them to agree and make me marry whom i like. Please tel me what should i do. I am going mad. No one speaks to me at home, they stop me everyday from going to office. My carreer my dreams my ambitions al r being affected bcoz of this. I dono in wat way i need to convince them. They r not in a postion to listen they say they will no more if i dont agree. m going mad.

  73. hai
    M puneeth and im frm caste x and my girl friend is from y as usualy we are facing problem to our marriage at time i convinced my parent’s and my gf parents are not accepting us and one more thing is my father told me that if the girl parents come forward only then accepts for our marriage and i personaly geting some blackmail calls from their relatives
    Please help me out

  74. Hi,

    I and my girlfriend are in a relation for almost 6 months. She belongs to my native place and also of the same caste. Our parents know each other very well but my parents don’t like them. First reason is that her father has no respect in the society and second is that her mother is into an extra marital affair. My parents are really against our marriage. According to them, if i really force them to marry me, they would have to leave the native place and settle some where else. I have got a proposal for an arranged marriage where everything is in place. They want me to come to their place next month. On the other hand, my girlfriend is insisting me to take a stand and convince my parents anyhow. I have tried many a times to convince them. They don’t have any issues with my girlfriend but they can’t get into relation with her family. Please help!

  75. Hi,

    I’m in love with a guy from past 6 years. He also loves me a lot. His parents and relatives agreed for my marriage but the actual problem is from my side. My parents even not interested to listen his name also. They are trying to force me to get marriage with someone else. If i will get marry with someone else, i don’t think so my loved will alive. My parents are emotionally blackmailing me and hates me. My father suffering with health problem and also he is afraid about the society. My guy saying that we will go with register marriage, his parents also agreed for that, Once we will get register marriage then slowly we will arrange all the things and in two months we will set up a marriage date and invite your parents and both side relatives. I don’t have much time to wait, my parents gave me only 10 days to resign my job and comeback to my hometown. To don’t have much friends to share my problem. Please help me.

  76. i m a muslim girl n he is hindu .i m in b.e final yr and he is pursuing b.a if we both hav a gud understanding about our relatinship den qualifictaion of dat he is doing ba n i m studying be will it bad for our further life we hv 6yrs of relationship he dnt think dat dere is any kind of comparison bet us bt i felt that will it matter???

  77. i and my GF are luckily from the same caste but shes from ambala and im a tamil iyer. we r in a relationship fr the last 2 yrs. she has been forcing me to get married to her soon and i dont want to lose her so i convinced my parents to go ahead with it.Her family is not as well to do as mine so there are issues about financing the wedding. recently(5 mths to our marriage) she told me she does not want to get married as the financial implications on her side are to high and suggested delaying the marriage by a couple of years so that she can earn and repay her parents. my parents are not ready to accept the delay! and even i feel she is behaving immature because she has no concrete plans of earning in the future too.How do i tell my parents her situation?do i wait for her to achieve her in-conceived goals?Do i convince my parents to give it time for reason that may not be true? plzzz help me.

  78. i have a b.f we both wan 2 marry with each other but my parents are not allowing me to do that cz of caste he is punjabi n iam rajasthani i love my parents and b.f equally and i dont wan to hurt any1

  79. My mother in law disagreed with our marriage but we went ahead anyway. Now my mother in law accepted me and is very happy to hv grandchild. Lesson is, you can only please Either one, yourself or the other. Answer is, please yourself. When you do this, the party will be unhappy, this you need to face it.

  80. hi ,
    i need you help to convince my parents for my intercaste wedding
    i am in an affair with my boy friend past 6 years …we have got married in the court legally without our parents knowing …..i spoke to my parents about my relationship with my boy friend but the strongly oppose …. pls help me ….

  81. Awaiting your revert love in india ..
    i need your help desperately ..my in- laws have accepted our relationship .. but my parents are not even prepared to understand me … the just say a big no …. i love my parents a lot but i love my husband too …i cant choose among the too .I want to convince my parents somehow to accept me and my husband ..pls help me there is a lot of pressure on me from my home front ..i am feeling really frustrated … don’t know what to do … my husband is well to do but the problem is just that we belong to different religions…pls help me …

  82. I am in a relationship and we both really love each other. My gf’s parents have agreed to the marriage and they are so impressed by me,that they want me their son-in-law. I have been running my fathers real estate business and have made a solid turnaround in the past couple of years. I never thought that my parents will oppose me so much,so I never thought of becoming financially independent as I helped my dad in his business. But,my parents are opposing very much on the grounds that success rate in love marriages are only 10%,arrange marriages are more successful and I am like wtf! Does living together in arrange marriage mean happiness ? Also,our kundali’s don’t match much and some jyotish have told that the marriage won’t last. Not to brag,but I am the only child and my parents are one of the richest families in the town,but I am disappointed with the old mentality. I am trying my best to convince my parents,and if they don’t agree after a couple of months,I am planning to leave home,the property,business and start a new life with my gf by finding a job and starting from scratch. I know I am capable enough to do it on my own and start from ground zero. I have tried my best to convince them and make them realise I want to be a good husband,a good son and a good son-in-law as well. But,if they just can’t understand my emotions,I will have to leave everything and start all over from where my dad began in life 20 years ago. what do you think I should do ? The girl is ready for choosing the hard path,but again you never know girls are weak and they might give up half way and that can be the worst situation for me. I am confused!

  83. Husbands really need to be careful of other woman outside their marriage,this was a true life story that happened to me to my own notice my sister took my husband from me the Husband whom i have love so much and promise me that no woman will take him from me but all of a sudden things turned apart if not for my friend hear in USA that told me i needed a spell caster that can cast a spell to separate them maybe by now he must have went for a divorce which could have made me commit suicide because i loved him so much likewise like him also but how things turn around was a thing that surprised me.
    I vowed that any thing it could cost me i must separate him and my elder sister i then collected the contact of this spell caster from my friend Mary. i contacted him and narrated the whole story to him he consulted and found out that my sister visited a spell caster that casted a spell that made him love her i then ask him what to do he told me that this spell needed to be broken so that my husband can leave her alone and come back to me the spell was broken and within three days he began to hate her that he even beat her up before he said to her that it is over between him and her right now my husband is with me again and take good care of me like he have never done before i thank my friend Mary but i own all thanks to priest Ajigar for bringing back my husband and i therefore for advice that if you notice any strange behavior in your marriage or your boy friend or girlfriend is cheating you contact Priest Ajigar to know the root of it he will surely help you out and give an everlasting solution to it.

  84. Hi Love In India,
    This is a very good article. I need few suggestions for me as well.
    I am 26 and I am in love with a girl who is 22. I am working in an MnC with a decent pay to take good care of her. She happens to be sister of one of my distant cousin’s wife. My Cousin’s marriage was a love marriage. We have notified our parents well in advance that we like each other and want to get married. My parents were totally convinced and love the girl. But for her parents though know me well and kind of like me, they are not agreeing for our marriage. The reasons being –
    1) They don’t have very good rapport with my cousin. Though we are not closely related her parents are concerned that I might possess the same exclusivity as my cousin.
    2) I belong to a different profession as the girl and her Dad wants her to get married to a guy that belongs to the same profession.
    3) Her Mom on the other side wants a guy who belongs to the same region as theirs. As my cousin belongs to a different region of the same state they feel methodologies differ between the families.
    4) As their elder daughter was married to a one she loved, they want their younger daughter to get married to a person of their choice so that their prestige will remain intact and also to make sure there won’t be any questions for their upbringing.
    5) My cousin and his wife are partially reluctant in supporting us for the reasons best known to them, the possible reason could be fear factor that the girl’s parents would bash them. (Cannot explain this in a better way, hope you get it).
    I do not have any financial problems. I only have a younger brother already working and financially independent. My Parents absolutely love the girl and are ready to convince her parents at any cost for their son. Though I am extremely grateful to my parents I would seek your valuable suggestion on how to proceed further in this regard. By the way the girl likes me a lot and ready to come with me if things go worse, but personally I would want her parents’ green signal for a better life. Thank you so much in advance. It has been very tough for me for the past few weeks with lack of sleep, lack of appetite and depression. Both of us are not happy. I got some positive hope after reading your article.

  85. hi..
    i am in love wit a guy who is caste B..i am caste A..i introduced him to my parents as my frnd..but my parents have already started doubting us..
    now they took me to an astrologer with my horoscope..
    he s our family astrologer n watever suggestions he has given has come true..after checking mine he told me dat i might take an individual decision of getting married in another caste and if i do so den my life ll turn out to b a hell..if i control my heart n mind now n listen to my parents wish,i ll end up marrying a guy of my parents choice n ll live happy touchin utmost heights..
    he also said dat al these thoughts r because of my planetary positions n i ll change..
    but myself n my guy r already deeply in love n jus cant imagine anyone else entering in our lives.
    to my knowledge der was’t any foul play by my parents in takin me to d astro..
    but i jus cant accept d fact dat if i marry acc to my choice my life ll go hell..v both have already planned lots for our future..n he loves me to d core..
    does al predictions come true..

  86. hi..
    i am in love wit a guy who is caste B..i am caste A..i introduced him to my parents as my frnd..but my parents have already started doubting us..
    now they took me to an astrologer with my horoscope..
    he s our family astrologer n watever suggestions he has given has come true..after checking mine he told me dat i might take an individual decision of getting married in another caste and if i do so den my life ll turn out to b a hell..if i control my heart n mind now n listen to my parents wish,i ll end up marrying a guy of my parents choice n ll live happy touchin utmost heights..
    he also said dat al these thoughts r because of my planetary positions n i ll change..
    but myself n my guy r already deeply in love n jus cant imagine anyone else entering in our lives.
    to my knowledge der was’t any foul play by my parents in takin me to d astro..
    but i jus cant accept d fact dat if i marry acc to my choice my life ll go hell..v both have already planned lots for our future..n v both loves each other to d core..
    does al predictions come true..

  87. Hey!!
    Wow!!
    I never thout about the things you discussed!! Its a really eye opener!!
    I need help!!! My long distance bf is hindi and I’m tamil! But for our parents its a huge problem! So he lied to my family n told them that his family disowned him so he could be with me! But my family found out he lied and made me cut all ties with him! But 5 years later we still picking up the pieces and I miss him more than ever! My parents are trying to do the whole arranged finding a bf for me!! But no one could ever come close to my bf and what I shares with him! He was my first and I want him to be my last!

    But I know if he come to my home for a second chance my parents will refuse it! And I don’t know what to do! Cos he has promised to take care of me! He has his own flat , he is working,and he wants to do things the right way and approach my parents! But I know my family will never agree . What do I do?? He is willing to do anything I want to do. He makes me happy , makes me feel important and special. He’s always there for me and he will even die for me. But I’d die with out him. What do I do? Please help me! My dad’s a highly qualified cop so I don’t think I can run away cos he’l find me:'(:'(:'(

  88. i love a low caste girl and i belong to higher caste family when i break this news to my family they behaved totally against it( family of girl is not against it) and a feud developed between our families but after 3 long years this feud is somehow diminishing …i don’t know how i convince my family for this marriage

  89. hii
    please advise me somthing –
    actually i am yadav boy and my grlfrnd is jaat. we are in relationship from last 4 years.
    my family is agree but her family not agree, and very disappointed with our relation.
    i know she loves me a lot or she wil never will happy away from me. but her family is not acpeting our relation. her father said that he will sucide if she will something wrong.
    for that she is agree to get sagaayi in these coming navratras. but i know she is not happy and me too not happy but she is sacrificing her life for her father ki kahii vo sucide na kr le.
    last she meet me and said i will never happy but i dont have option. if i take any step my father will sucide so cant court marrige too with yu so please leave me alone and u also marry someone else. but i know and she also know that we will not happy with somone else.
    please advise me what i should do beacause without her support i cant do anything and i cant force her and i dont want but i m conitnue suggesting her please understand but she is jst imgening abt her father. not about yourself and not abt me
    please advise my life is hell without her and her life too and she know tht.

  90. HI
    This is so perfect. Extremely well written. Only a fool can disagree.
    I explained the same things to my girl. (She is a post graduate and working in an MNC)
    she fails to understand the same. She says her parents will disown forever.
    She thinks if she sacrifices love for her parents sake, parents will be happy and i can be happy as i deserve a better girl.
    How do i convince her she is being a moron by trying to be a Mother teresa?
    Thanks for reading..

  91. Hi,
    I really like your logical and detached way of thinking and all your answers make perfect sense! So, like every body else, i am also posting the same question with more twists :)
    I am 29 years old , financially independent girl and so is my boyfriend. We have been in a relationship for 3 years and we are trying to convince our parents for the last 2 years- the same upper caste and lower caste problem. i have tried everything in the book-
    1. Talking to them
    2. making them meet the boy and the family
    3. asking relatives to help
    4, Not talking to them’
    5. crying :)

    But they are not budging. I also have a elder sister (31 yrs) who is still unmarried- so age is no bar! I can wait for another 10 years and they will not agree.

    My boyfriend’s parents are ok with the relationship but they want it to happen only if my parents agree to it. And for them age is a big factor, now they are forcing him to get married.
    I decided to think about my happiness and go ahead with the marriage anyways but this made my mother very sick and she fainted because of low BP. i had to step back.

    Now she is fine, and i still want to get married with my boy friend. But i am afraid that it might have an adverse effect on my mother’s health. The boy is also worried because even his parents are against it. He thinks that if we will go for a court marriage, i ll not get acceptance and we will still not have a peaceful existence.

    What would you suggest ?

  92. Hi loveinindia,
    I’m a 24 year old girl and my boy friend is 28 year old. Both of us r earning. My guy cannot marry me for another 4 years because of his family situations where his elder brother and sister should get married first. But my parents r not ready to wait for 4 more years. Their concern is that my dad is going to retire in another 2 years and scared of financial and all other situations that might exist after 4 years. My parents r blackmailing me as to what if we both r not alive that time? and what if u’r guy changes his mind after 4 years? u’ll be left all alone….on the other hand my guy really wants me but because of his situation and my parents……and thinking that i should not suffer he’s asking me to marry the guy of my parents choice……..but i’m seriously ready to wait for him……..is 28 years not a correct age for a girl to get married? In fact caste or any other problem is not an issue…..even though not informed in guy’s house he’s quiet sure they’ll agree…….now my situation is like i have convince both my guy and my parents……..please do suggest me some solution……….thanking u in advance..

  93. And also i want my parents……my younger brother has got 2 more years of study…….i also cant let my parents down…….my guy’s situation is even more worst all responsibility on his head…..2 marriages…..his only support is his elder brother……..what do we do?

  94. Hi, im 26, i have loved a girl aged 22..we are in love since one month…but my parents have rejected the proposal and fixed me marriage with another girl and they have proceeded with engagement on 9th October 2013 and Mrg on 9th November, 2013..im not getting any feelings on the girl they have arranged. i can fight with my parents if this match gets cancelled as i get some time to convince my parents…2days back i have asked them to cancell the marriage as i dont like the girl and cannot be happy, but they have strongly opposed stating al the ground works have completed and cancelling at this point is merely impossible…give me an idea to proceed

  95. i m a 23 yr old marathi girl..my boyfriend is also 23yrs old. we are together from last 7 yrs. hes 4m a lower caste than me. last year i tld my parents dat i love him..my parents know him well since he has been coming to my place to meet them frequently and they used to like him a lot. bt wen i tld them about him they suddenly started disliking him..they warned me to stop all contact wid hm..v hv tried to convince them 4m past one yr bt nothing has happened. they are totally against it. they say hes 4m a lower caste and also hes less educated than me. bt he earns sufficiently (more than me). they are not at all understanding my feelings 4 him..i love him and also he loves me a lot..his parents have accepted me. i juz feel so helpless as to how to deal with my parents..n i dnt like that they insult him. dey r nt even ready to meet him or his parents n discuss. plz help..wt shud i do?

  96. I m a still a student..,n i love a punjabi gal….i’ve already talked to her mom directly about our relationship but she denied.
    .
    they insists her for marriage in 1 year….now i can’t understand wat to do…i know my parents will also against me.
    .
    i m really worried about my life…kya karu, kaise karu.
    .
    .

  97. Hi,
    I m 24, maharashtrian brahmin girl from maharashtra n my bf is 29, hindu chaurasia..(OBC) from mp. We met in mp while my dad was posted there. we are in a committed relationship from 8 years… His parents are in favor of our marriage. But my parents are opposing.. we are trying to convince them from 2 years… My mother does’nt like him at all.. she doesn’t like mp n does not want me to settle there.. We have different educational backgrounds… My mother wants me to get married to a guy of my field who earns very good.. My bf earns average salary n i m ok wid it..
    I have an elder sister who is unmarried… she is also not supporting me. My mother got a heart attack due to this tension last year.. She also faced many other health issues.. My bf’s parents are not ready to wait longer if my parents don’t commit (they supprorted us all these years ..) and want us 2 marry else they’ll get him married somewhere else as it will be difficult for them 2 find a bride for him if he crosses 30.. He is asking me to elope with him n get married.. Even i want 2 marry him now but hesitate 2 take any step as my elder sister is not married and mother has health issues…
    Please suggest what should i do… I love him a lot and don’t want 2 loose him… I also love and respect my parents… Unable to convince them…. My career is also getting affected due to all these problems… Please advice…

  98. Hi,
    I really liked your suggestions above and hope that I might a solution for my problem as well.
    Similar to the issues that are mentioned above I am stuck in a problem. I love my boyfriend and want to marry him . I have been in relation with my boyfriend since 4 1/2″ years and finally wants to get married. I moved to Canada on the reasons that my parents will kill me or my boyfriend if I stay there in India. My boyfriend also moved Canada for me because we could never expect that they will ever let us stay to together.
    I am earning good and he is well settled as well. My boyfriend’s family accepts me and are happy with our relation. Twist is my parents do not like him because he is divorced, but he is such a nice guy which I do not have any issue with. It was his past .Though he is not a stranger for them they know him since 3 years so it was not a surprise for them as they knew him as my friend already. But now the situation is I called them to Canada to disclose and tried to explain that we want to marry but they have given me a big NO…
    Now they are on a different trip. Now they do not want to listen his name even,and threaten me that they will commit suicide.
    I have read your replies earlier but I am confused to what to do as my parents always explain that parents are living god, and I am afraid if they will do sumthng wrong I wont be able to forgive me ever in my life and people will curse me for hurting my parents.

    Even my brother my sister is not supporting me , though my sister did love marriage herself and now she is like if I will do the same people will make her responsible.
    Soooooo please I am dying here each day with emotional trauma that my parents are doing. Please suggest what should I be doing

  99. hi…i belong to a sikh family and i m in love wid a guy who is baniya. It has been more than 3 yrs we are dating. My family is not agreeing. especially my mother. Many a times she have stepped out of the house with the thinking of suicide. She says she doesn’t like him and his family. She says she is saving my future by not saying yes for him. I love my family as well as the love of my life. I don’t want to leave him. my family’s environment often gets disturbed. my mom says she will die if i marry him. My father understands me. Though he too wants that i shud forget him. But he says if u can not forget him.,then marry him (court marriage). But i want their consent and blessings. I fear that if there is some mis happening or lose of somebody’s life in family coz of this decision? I really need your suggestion.

  100. Hi..
    M neha..!!
    M hvng a bf.. my age iz 21 n he is of 29yrs.. v both belong to same caste.. n v both wanna marry.. but parents r nt agreeing for it due to age difference.. plz suggest what to do… v r in rltnshp frm lst 2yrs.. his family has accepted me but my family iz nt accepting him.. plz help..

  101. Hey Loveindia….
    Hi, replying to ur post of 8 august. Sorry its very late to reply…
    Actuallynour meeting of my parents and girls parents were scheduledmon 27th july. And everything has got finalized. My parents have agreed for our marriage. I said sorry to both my parents if front of girls parents for acting wierd. But right now all is well. My marriage is also scheduled this december. As soon as they agreed (my parents). They said we should hurry with ur marriage as early as possible. So, my wedding shopping has been done and so of the girls. We are ready for new phase in our lives. N yes moreover marriage is going to tke place at her place according to their rituals for which even my parents have agreed. Thnks to ur help. It was due to ur support n help n understndng I was rather we were able to make through our rough patch….
    Thanks a lot to u LoveIndia…..
    Kindly provide me ur email id where in I can send u invitation of our marriage to u.mpls I invite u on behalf of both of us.
    Kindly give ur email id. Pls

  102. I belong to a builder family an myself an architect cmg my post graduation now.I am seeing a guy whom I know since chilhood.he is an interior designer by profession.even his dad is an architect an well to do family.my parents are nt happy my relation wth him compare on education.he had some bad habbits of smoking in past but given up completely now.my parents are like u will get more qualified boy then him.but I am vry much live wth him..very confused .Der expectations making me feel low.even my brother against of all des

  103. i don’t have much to say about my life because i was having allot of problems in my matrimonial home.right now am so happy that everything is OK by me because a truthful caster real save my soul am so happy.if you have any type of problems just try email him;oksolutemple@outlook.coml

  104. Hii dear…I hv also d same prblm..I hv my lv also..he is very loving..we hv gone through these two years n hv made a very close bond between us..n d prblm arises d same..I m OBC n he is SC..I 100% know tht my parents ll nvr agrer upon our marriage..we both cnt live without thinking a moment about eachother..my love loves me more thn his lyf n vice versa..my father is very rigid tht he never wnt me to hv frndshp wth boys…I love my love a lot..really wdout him I m totally meaningless. ..
    wht shall I do to get marry my love…plz help me..I want to marry with their suport..I dnt want to hurt my love n also my parents…plz show me d path..

  105. my problem is that my girlfrnd. want marry with me and me too but His parents are not statisfy because his father has alredy given a word to his frnd. that he will marry his daughter with his son .so my girlfriend left me from last 20day due to force from family So please please give solution and save our lifes

  106. Hey
    Loveindia, kindly give me ur email id as I want to invite u for our marriage n reception.
    Pls as time is very less. It is scheduled in December….

  107. hello..plz suggest me wt to do?i hv in relationship over 3yrs with my love.My mom knows that but his parents does not knw,Now I am working in It company but he is not working rit nw but probably join in April by the next year.Me and my love hv same cast but problem is that his parents will not be agree if they wil heard abt this,as bcz his family wil face in the community due to love marriage.I don’t know wt I wil do next…i am nw 24 and he is nw 28.I am very much depressed when I think about this and so many question arises that, Am i create a presser to him to tell his parents about our relationship??if he wil tel thn wt wl happen even though we knw that his parent wl not accept.
    Or I left him without saying anything and live alive ,so that he and his family wil live happily.
    Plz plz suggest me

  108. Hello LoveInIndia,

    I have been reading the comments and your replies from the past hour without blinking my eye-lids. It might be obvious from the above statement – that I am also facing a similar situation and it is driving me crazy to the point that I have now decided to end my life. I know it isn’t going to help the situation anyway and it’s only the promise I made to my Soul-mate (I don’t like to call her Girlfriend) and her face that stops me from ending my life.

    We met in high school, and I knew straightaway that she is the one for me. Though, I was attracted to her at first, it was different – it was “Love”. It took quite some time for me to make her fall in love with me but eventually – it did happen. Although, it happened when I came to London and she was in India. As they say – “Guys fall in love with their eyes, girls with their ears”, she confessed her love for me on the phone.

    After 2 years, of distant love, we met each other and we were overjoyed. We had a world of our own, we were completely into each other. Unfortunately, it was a momentary world of happiness, as I had to come back to London for further education. Our love has grown deeper and fonder, since then. We have always dreamt of living together as a couple, having kids and being for each other in all times.

    We both love each other a lot that it is impossible for us to imagine life without each other. I’m a Gujarati Brahmin (Goswami) and She’s Agrawal (Bania). We have been in a long distance relationship from the past 4 years now. I left India at 18 and have since then lived in London. She confessed her love for me after 2 years on my birthday (my luckiest birthday – 2009). We are both 22 and want to pursue our dreams, our career and live together forever. She has three siblings – two sisters (both elder, one married) and one younger brother. None of our parents knew about us until recently when she told her mom about me. Her mom isn’t rebellious but she isn’t supportive as well. Her father is not in a very good condition health-wise and I think he is worried about marrying his two daughters (her elder sister and her). She will soon be married in a year’s time and she doesn’t want to hurt her parents (obvious) by eloping with me. I have BSc degree and within a year – I’ll be able to get a Masters. I also have some work experience and I am confident that I can give both of us a good standard of life – be it in India or London.

    My parents’ want me to settle in the UK (which is their dream not mine) and I don’t mind that as long as my Soul-mate is with me. I also told my parents about her and they were STRICTLY against it due to her CASTE and her looks (which I was surprised, because she is indeed very BEAUTIFUL – not my words but everyones’). They also don’t want me to marry until I have settled in the UK which will take 5 more years! My girl won’t be able to wait that long :( My girl has lost all hope, so have I (a bit) and she thinks its okay for her to marry someone else that hurt her parents. She tells me to forget about her, fulfill my parents dreams (nice of her but I love her), marry some one else (this kills me inside).
    I am ready to leave everything for her but she will NEVER be able to do that. I would never want her to take that step but NEITHER would I want someone to take my life away from me. I DESERVE to be with her NOT a random same community guy who she doesn’t love!

    I feel helpless and shattered as my parents ask me to accept it as a part of my life and move on. I don’t want to move on because she is my life! There is NO life without her. She wants to end our relationship here but I find it impossible and implausible to end our relationship like this! I know she loves her parents very much and is facing a dilemma at the moment but ending our relationship is JUST NOT the solution!
    She tells me she won’t be HAPPY in either case – forced marriage vs parents’ disapproval followed by eloping. I know my PARENTS and HER PARENTS will accept us within a year of our LOVE MARRIAGE (if that is the last option) but I can’t force her to marry me!

    P.S
    Please don’t ask me to move on and look for someone else. I know she’s too attached to her parents, but I don’t blame her for that :(

  109. Hii i have read ur articles above i think u can help with inter caste marriage .i m 20 years and i m having relationship with my bf from 5 years i dnt have parents they died in accident i have 1 bro younger bro i lve dis guy very much i cant leave without him his parents r opposite our marriage as his parents came to know abt our relationship from out siders his parents came to my myhouse scolded me dat u shud nt contact him and they r nt going 2 accept me becoz i m hindu bhandari and he is hindu maratha i want his parents to accept i dnt want to break his family plzz help me out i want to marry him after 4 years he is saying me dat he will keep me separate and family separate and if he marry me he is nt going to tell it to his parents but i want to leave in same family i dnt want to leave separate wht shud i do his mom and dad r very strict they can do anything to separate us both and my bf also dnt want to leave them i cant even break up with him i lve him every much help me plzzzz

  110. Hie this is riya,,my problem is that I was engaged at the age of 17..I told my parents I don’t wanna engaged at this tym but my parents said that mostly girls in our community also gets engaged at this age…but still I was nt ready but they u have choose one from bth da options given to u..at da end I said yes for one of them..but now it’s been three years..they want me to get married with him…my first point view I do not want to marry at this young age secondly I don’t like him n don’t wanna marry him at alll..my fiancé is my mama’s son..my mother says that our relation will be lost if u rejects the marriage proposal..they r nt understanding me at all..tell me the way that I cn do to make them understand…pls pls reply ..n one more my parents thought that if I do not lyk him I like another guy but it’s nt true..

  111. Hi,
    I m rashmi 23 from Mumbai. I am an engineer nd working in IT.I love a guy named raj 30 verry much nd we were in a relationship since 7 yrs.Raj is b.com passed and works in a jewellery showroom and earns lil less than me.Bt its fine for me as I know he wud grow.Raj was continuesly trying to convince my parents for marriage since 4 yrs.Actually raj is from rajput family nd I m gujarathi.My parents knew raj since he was 23.He started cmng to our house nd then we met nd fell in love.We both love each other like anything.But wenevr we tried to convince for marriage they strictly refused.And hence we thought to marry without their consent nd got married this year in august.But now my mother is blackmailing me that I have to leave him at any cost otherwise she would die of heart attack nd really shez not well.Also they are telling that u both r not sufficiently earning and hav just started ur career so pay focus on career 1st and sign a MoU that u both especially if raj would earn high enough nd match ur level then we wud accept u both.Till then for 5 yrs u both hav to stay away without ny contact with each other. And if raj doest meet our expectations nd if u ppl try to contact then both should separate. What do I do??I love raj nd my parents too…I am verry verry frustrated. Suggest me plzzz.

  112. So this is very tricky I a Girl from the US has fallen for a guy in India and we have been talking for 5 years…he planned to move here but when his parents heard about it they freaked out and said they would disown him so he is very sad and doesn’t know what to do…he is the oldest so he is the one that provides for the family , but he is very much in love with me and doesn’t want to be with anyone else. I cry and cry the minute I think about us being with out each other, we have talked about marriage and building a family together well recently we have been on a break he said he needs to figure things out! so I am going crazy not talking to him as much as we talked :( I feel very sad about this situation because I feel bad he is fighting with his parents because of me..Please any advise would help and thank you for your time.

  113. hiii …it was very interestng like the way yu kept ur point..
    i wanna share my probl which i m facing now is i m 25 year old. i started loving a guy who is of other caste den mine. we both love each other a lot. i cannot say i cannt leve without him as i survived after my 5 yrs relation got ended. so practically i m very stable now..because the guy has flulfilld d place of emptiness..
    practicay speaking i do not rely on arrange marriages because u do not knw abt the groom and more over i too believe in.being happier then happy.. this guy also earn well he is a marine officier n i m a dentist. but i cannot keep my point of loving a person AGAIN infront of my parents they ll not take me seriously.. i wannt to marry him fr my happiness but cannot ruin my parents hope n wishes.. so i decided to do register marriage frst without letting any one even my parents to knw abt this. so dat i may b mentally stable n my futre will b secured n i can reject the groom who ll come to meet me.. so dat aftr one two years till my post graduatn studies ll b over.. he ll come to my family to console my parents at dat time because of the reason (fake frm my side) not gettng a proper match n more over i m hvng hypothyroidisn n pcod health problm no one is Liking me..

    Dear i m not virgin Since my frat relation n have health problm but i m not lyk d person who ll marry a unknown Guy in the sake of not telling abt all this issues with me..

    the boy i love is the person i wished always… wat to say abt him jst a simple senteNce- ” HE IS THE MIRROR IMAGE OF ME AS I WAS FOR MY FIRST LOVE”.

    so please ! need ur help! sugguest me weither i m rt or wrong!! And suggest appropriate reason for rejecting a goom when we are allowed to talk privately..
    repl asap…thank q…:-)

  114. hiii …it was very interestng like the
    way yu kept ur point..
    i wanna share my probl which i m
    facing now is i m 25 year old. i
    started loving a guy who is of other
    caste den mine. we both love each
    other a lot. i cannot say i cannt
    leve without him as i survived after
    my 5 yrs relation got ended. so
    practically i m very stable
    now..because the guy has flulfilld d
    place of emptiness..
    practicay speaking i do not rely on
    arrange marriages because u do not
    knw abt the groom and more over i
    too believe in.being happier then
    happy.. this guy also earn well he
    is a marine officier n i m a dentist.
    but i cannot keep my point of
    loving a person AGAIN infront of my
    parents they ll not take me
    seriously.. i wannt to marry him fr
    my happiness but cannot ruin my
    parents hope n wishes.. so i
    decided to do register marriage frst
    without letting any one even my
    parents to knw abt this. so dat i
    may b mentally stable n my futre
    will b secured n i can reject the
    groom who ll come to meet me.. so
    dat aftr one two years till my post
    graduatn studies ll b over.. he ll
    come to my family to console my
    parents at dat time because of the
    reason (fake frm my side) not
    gettng a proper match n more over
    i m hvng hypothyroidisn n pcod
    health problm no one is Liking me..
    Dear i m not virgin Since my frat
    relation n have health problm but i
    m not lyk d person who ll marry a
    unknown Guy in the sake of not
    telling abt all this issues with me..
    the boy i love is the person i
    wished always… wat to say abt him
    jst a simple senteNce- ” HE IS THE
    MIRROR IMAGE OF ME AS I WAS
    FOR MY FIRST LOVE”.
    so please ! need ur help! sugguest
    me weither i m rt or wrong!! And
    suggest appropriate reason for
    rejecting a goom when we are
    allowed to talk privately..
    repl asap…thank q…:-)

  115. Hey..great post ! I am also in a trouble…i love a girl..actually i love my best frnd deeply…she loves me too but unfortunately its a friendly love…she has a bf 6 years older than her…she very intimate to me…we behav like gf n bf all the time…miss each other a lot…she cant marry her bf…but she says she would like to marry me…but currently she doesnt want to leave her bf..aftr 2 years she wil leave him aftr his marriage…i know her family very well and they liked me very mch..we are of the same caste…but the prblm is that i want her to be my gf right now…i hav tried evry thing frm the hell..from surprises to bouquets…bt stil…she loves me but cant leave her bf..;-(;-(
    please do smthng for me…please..

  116. hi..
    need ur help..I belpgs t bhandari caste and my boyfriend belogs to maratha caste.we are from god.we love each other but the problem is his family is not readu for our marriage. but to b honest i cant leave without him.his mom warned him that he should not marry me.please advice me what to do to convince his parents.

  117. hi..
    need ur help..I belpgs t bhandari caste and my boyfriend belogs to maratha caste.we are from goa.we love each other but the problem is his family is not readu for our marriage. but to b honest i cant leave without him.his mom warned him that he should not marry me.please advice me what to do to convince his parents.

  118. Hi, I am Nidhi , a 32 yr old Aggarwal girl. I am into a relationship from last 4 years with a Brahmin boy. My story is a bit different from the above mentioned examples. Approx. 4 years back just after 3 months of our relationship, I disclosed my parents that I wanted to marry this guy. My parents felt happy. And they decided to meet him. They met him after two months and they felt him as a good match for me. And my father decided to convince my large extended family including my uncle, aunt etc. And then one month later he called up boy’s parents. They also agreed and we got engaged after two months. In between many problems aroused. He looks better than me so his mother who dominates the family didn’t like me but was just showing off in front of everyone. From my side also my uncles tried to humiliate my father and him by asking unnecessary questions. I was not aware of anything as I thought everything is going well. On the day of engagement, his mother misbehaved showing that she didn’t like me by her actions. My mother didn’t like her behaviour and she got tensed if I will be happy with him. The engagement happened in afternoon and in the night my father asked me to break off the engagement which I refused. Then because his family was not ready whole heartedly so many problems started to interrupt further proceedings. We are not good financially so we decided earlier that we will bear the cost together. But his father got problems with it. He agreed initially, and then after approx. 15 days he refused. My father got confused because the arrangements were yet to be made as the marriage was planned in 6 months. They all had one meeting with my parents, one of our family friend, his father and the boy himself. I was on my job at that time. While discussion so many things were brought out and the marriage got cancelled same day. The boy said something that my parents felt as insult to them though he said the truth and I validated it over the speaker phone. After that I started getting phone calls from both the sides and didn’t know what went wrong because I was not the part of conversation apart from that validation. And the guy came back to me telling the whole story and accepted his fault. He apologised to my father as well twice once on the same day and then in the beginning of 2013 but my father didn’t move at all. He is still adamant on it. I tried to convince them a lot but they are not agreeing now. Approx. 6 months back they found a guy for me and I refused to marry him. There was a big fight between me and my parents. Being financially not well they are not able to find any good guy in the same caste even if I agree with them. Now I am not able to understand what to do because my age is increasing and my parents dnt hv money. And this guy is forcing me to marry as he is also elder than me. Eloping never sounds good to me. My father is a heart patient and loves me a lot. I have two younger sisters as well who are also of marrying age. I love both my parents and him. Please help me I am totally lost.

  119. I am 23 years old. I belong to a lower caste and my boyfriend belong to a higher one. He told his parents about our relationship and his mother is totally against the relation. The factors are his parents cant face the society if we get married, his younger sister wont get an alliance because of this, his dad has high caste spirit and may even leave them if this happens. I even tried for suicide but i failed. Even he os depressed and his mother told me to convince him. I tried being bold and explaining every single reason to him, but once i hang up the phone i would burst into tears. We understand we cant be together. But we cant forget each other. Wat would we do..

    1. Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them.

      If u r ready to leave him, u never loved him.

  120. hello ,
    i am a rajput and i love a mahajan boy . i an 25 yr old . my problm is dat my parents are not ready for us bt his fmly has no issues n they like me very much .my fmly is forcing me to marriage . n der is lots of pressure n emotional stress as well .plz help

  121. Hi LoveinIndia,

    I need your help. I bet you’ve not come across this story or heard of the situation like I am in. I dont know if I should be asking this or is this the correct forum for this kind of query.

    Long story made short & precise: I saw her online, liked so sent frnd request on FB. She accepted humbly & we started chatting regularly. Our talks started getting deeper & serious, and finally we fall in love with eachother. Although we decided in initial stages that we will go further only if our parents will accept our tie-up.

    But in this, there is big obstacle in my life. I’ve a legal case pending on me. Although its very weak & hopefully it will solve, but it is going to take a real time. I told her everything about me except this fact on FB. I wanted to meet her personally & wanted to tell the only hidden fact of mine. I met after 7 months of intense chatting relationship. We were (or rather still are) in love with eachother.

    But when I revealed about legal case fact to her, her confidence collapsed and she is scared that her parents will not accept. Off course I can understand, I mean who will give their daughter to an accused person. Above that we belong to Brahmin family. Since then she is talking to me on phone but saying me that we can be just friends but not more than that. We both are in pain, I guess she is more. But she is acting as if thers nothing from her side & she wants me to forget all those that hapnd in us past 7 months. She is just worried of her parents & their status. Due to that she is suppressing her love towards me & acting as stranger.

    I dont know wat to do. My brain is jammed. If you can somehow help me. I can very well understand if you cannot.

    Sorry, the short story went very long.

    RK

  122. Hi, I am an Indian and i live abroad. I am in relation with a girl friend since 7 years (she is NOT Indian she is a western girl). But my parents accepted for me to get married to her. It has recently come to light that she is struggling with a cancer and will not live more than 6 months. My parents are now forcing me to get married to another girl of their choice. After such a long and lovely relationship, I really don’t think i can accept any other girl into my life. How do i convince my parents that i don’t want to get married at all ?? They are forcing me due to stupid Indian society and relatives… Any Advice is appreciated…

  123. Love is so hurt full……..!
    I Don’t have to say anything about my Love,
    Bhagwan kisi ke saat aisa nahi hona chahiye…
    jo aaj mere saat ho raha hai….!
    guys plzz Pyaar ke chakar mein mat girna !
    I’m endless to say…!

  124. Hi Loveindia,

    I badly need suggestion from you. Im 26 yr old non brahmin girl, in love with 27 yr old brahmin boy. We are in love for last 5 yrs + 1yr where we were into full problems.

    After 5yrs only we disclosed our love matter to our parents. His father is blind and he is fully against our love. He is very stubborn. My BF is not able to convince him. Since his father is blind and brought him up with so much difficukty, he is not able to leave his parents and come out of his house. So intially he started telling me that let us break up and move on.

    But during the time we were in love we had physical relationship also. So I told this is very seroius and I cant just forget and leave and go. Im a girl and I value culture more.
    He is saying this is all common in love and nothing wrong to move on. I not able to digest this and I kept fighting with him.

    One day suddenly he came and saying that he dont like me because he lost trust in me (I was in London for one yr and there I had some problem because of a guy who was working with me and I told almost everything about the problem and only one thing I dint tell him, because it would hurt my BF. So he is telling because of this he lost trust in me. )
    I told him I will commit sucide if he does not marry me. So, me fighting with him + London prob + my suicide threat, made him to hate me more.

    Now when I went to his house with my parents to take about our marriage, he is sayimg he is not interested in marrying me.

    After being in relationship Im not able to leave him and marry someone else. He is also not ready to marry me.

    What should I do? Please guide and suggest me what should I do.
    Thanks.

  125. hi…
    i am a 27 yr old working girl and in love with a guy….now its been 7 years…he is really nice…we really want to get married now….we work together in same company at same place….we are well settled now in our personal lives and want to get married….but….the same old problem….when i told my parents …they blasted like anything….no body in my family even my younger brother sister are not supporting me…….my parents knew my boyfrd from past 7 yrs the day we become frds …but then also they are not ready…and the only reason is different CASTE….they have stopped me from working….and i am sitting at home from past 1 month….doing nthing at all….my career is being spoiled….i have been beaten up many a times….i have tried everything but they are not getting ready to even let me work…they think that my freedom is the only reason for my choice of marring a boy of other caste….i am getting mad….plz plz help

    1. ur freedom is in ur hands. It always was, it always will be.
      get out of ur house.
      get ur job back and get a place of ur own and marry ur boyfriend of course.

      If ur parents dont give a damn about ur happiness, whats the point in caring so much about theirs??

  126. hi
    i m 17 years old n my gf is just 16…
    we love each other so truely but our parents are not accepting.. we r nt asking them to marry us bt just give us fredom to talk to each other.. bt no one is accepting.. her parents are torturing er day n night.. beating her with hammer n frying pan to forget me..
    but sm1 said that love is blind n so it is..
    in order to forget me they r sending her to a place named sirsa where in hostel she will still get tortured by the wardens to forget me.. till now no one is helping us..
    we have finally decided to comit suicide aftr our bord exams.. i m in 12th n she is merely in 10th both have a crucial time..
    they are not even giving her food..
    asking money from her for the food n water n even have blamed her as thief..
    her parents tried many ways to kill her gave her poison n also called gangsters to kill her..
    she cant live without me n i cant too..
    but our teacher thought to help us n later went backward n left our hands in the midway aftr suffering these things we have decided to kill ourselves…
    bcoz we cant go anywhere else to seek help bcoz no one can spend the money on us…
    is there any solution for this
    plzz give us some solution for this before 1st of april:'(

  127. i am a brahmin boy and I love a girl who belongs to Scheduled castes. We both love each other since 2 years and are planning to marry each other. How to convince our parents? Girl’s mother has told a yes for our marriage..

  128. I m too going through same phase. My dad has stopped talking to me n my mom had asked decision. If I go on my on way they will boycott me. How can I think of leaving my relationship of 7years for just any random guy n others.

  129. Iam deeply in love with my bf and even he loves me lot. His parents are not getting ready for marriage and still I have not told my parents about my love bcoz m waiting for my m.com study to complete. Well after completing my m.com I want to marry with him and iam doing job also. M very much scared to tell my mom about my affair. I dont know what decision I should take if my parents will not get ready for my marriage.
    Plz suggest me what should I do.

  130. hi
    am loving one guy since 4 years and he is also loving me so much but still we have not opened our matter in both side but his parents knows our love matter through his friend but still they didn’t ask anything to him and my parents are seeing boy for me and i told to them i don’t want to marry now so my mom is very upset and finally we decided to tell my mom first but don’t know how to open this matter to her an don’t know how she will react for this matter.
    my parents are very conscious about prestige and society so surely they wont agree for our marriage
    we both are working and earning good salary too
    can you help me out in this matter please

  131. Hi loveinindia,
    I am an indian hindu vegetarian and I am in love with a korean girl who is christian. I know she loves me and wants to marry me. But she is not ready to move to India as it is very hot for her and also the lack of development (living in congested traffic, smoke filled air is not good even for me) and opportunities for her skills. I work and live in korea from a year and have decided to continue that after marriage with her.
    I told my parents about her and my intentions to marry her. They are reluctantly ok for this only if she comes and lives in india with them. This is not possible. They fear more for society and so called family honor than my happiness.
    Even if she wants to come to india to live, I dont want. This is because my family is too orthodox and the cultural clashes will be the everyday norm which wil make my life difficult which may end up in unhappy events.
    I tried to convince parents that I would be there for them whenever they need me but not daily. However they are not ready to leave me.
    I love both parents and my girl. I want to marry her and may sacrifice being with parents always. But being their only son (2 sisters already married) it bothers me that at this age they will only think that I abondoned them and may have depressions or complicate their health conditions. They are also opposed
    I dont want my parents not to feel sad with my decision. But I am not finding ways to do it. Before marriage I want their blessings.
    Any suggestions…

    1. May be if your parents are willing to accompany you to Korea . This way they may see a different culture first hand and may be more accommodative once they see her in her cultural settings.

  132. I want to discuss few things…..but not here.. Can I have your email ID? I am actually going through this phase.

  133. hello miss, first of all i liked the way you explained things on this blog..i liked it a lot….and now the thing is …i have a problem….i am in a relationship with a girl who is from the same caste as me…no intercaste thing here…i’m a hindu brahmin and she is one too…i’m dubey..and she is pandey….but when my parents came to know about my relationship they just started beating me(i’m 19 actually) and started saying that I will not be allowed to marry her or even continue my relationship with her…and my mother even said “if you don’t listen to us, i’ll kill you and myself as well” and my father said “you don’t have to live with me…you both(me and my mom) go to the village…get settled and leave me alone”, and when i asked what is the problem ? why can’t they accept her? I said she is good girl …she supports you too in all the cases……they said,”she is trying to take advantage..as we are from a good class family…we have a lot of respect in society…she is doing this so that she can get physical with you….so that you can’t leave her….she wants your money “, and they said was” humein hamaari izzat bhut pyaari hai….uska khaandaan accha ni hai..” and they started bad-mouthing about her,her parents,and even her grandparents, I don’t know what to do..I tried to explain them that because of her i’m improving slowly…I am not doing so well in studies rite now….but just because of her I’m improving..in every aspect…I told them this and all the said “this is not a film” and started abusing me and beating me again….plzz help me..and guide me miss…what should I DO? PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO :(

  134. hii.. m a muslim girl in a relationship with a hindu guy… we both love each other a lot nd cant live without …. our relationship started just b4 6months but during dis short period we r mch close 2 each other…. nd now .. few days back my bf’s parents knw abt us nd they were totally nt accpting our relationship…. they gave him 2 options dat he hav 2 choose either them or me… bt i knw he cnt widout them also nor he can liv widout me… dis dayz he’s becoming mch depressed…. nd i can see him in dis way…. wat shld i do…. pllzzzz help…..

    1. going thru same phase. Just not the BF depressed part.

      My BF is confident that he will convince his parents eventually. If not, then also we have decided to be with each till death do us apart.

      well, as far as the “Two Options” are concerned, i wud just say,
      “Life is all about making choices.. Choices that make u happier… I repeat happier, not just happy”

      Rest, I think u r intelligent enuf to take the hint.

  135. Plzz hlp me…… M 22yrs old n my gf is 3 yrs eldr den me. Am jobless, still 1year left for compltng my studies and her parents forcng her to b gt married. We cant evn let dem knw dt v love ech odr n we wnna mry jst bczz m unemplod. Hlp me plzz am gttng sick of cryng. Am unabl to find any solution plzz do help me.

  136. Hi
    i wana ask u that my love story is different from other and i wnt to discuss with u pls snd me mail……i really need ur help
    neeti

  137. hiii

    i am from india and living in canada….. my parents are in india…my bf and i dating each other since 3 years …my BF is in india and i am in canada still we are in deep love and we belongs to a same cast… we both are hindu(patel)…… his parents have no objection with our marriage decision but my parents have too much..they are not thinking about my feelings as long as they cares about neighbours and relatives ..so my BF and I tried to convince my parents so many times but they are not understanding …i am waiting to convince them since long time but they aren’t let me get married but we can’t live without each other ………… please help for get out from this hell situation…. there are no any issue of cast or family value.. now my parents are keep asking me about money that whatever they spent for me to send me canada for studies just because they knows that they can break my relationship to do this and they are keep doing emotionally torturing me so what can i do??? my BF’s parents are so happy and ready for this marriage…… pls help me…

    thanks

  138. Hai im a malayalee girl who is in love with a tamil guy for the past 3.5 years.
    His family acceptd our relation.bt my family is richer than him henc they are not agreeing.and language problem is akso there. Want to marry him as soon as posible.we both are earning more than average atan mnc company at chennai.
    Im thinking to get maried without parents approual, thnking tham my parnts wil forgve me aftr some days.
    Bt
    im confusd. And afraid to go ahead with my decision. .
    Pleas help me.
    Tel me whether im doing corect.
    Or is there any way to convnc my dr parents

    pls
    pls
    pls
    reply

  139. Hi this is Krish here I am in love wid a gal for past 4 years we love each odr.problm is I m 22 and she is 21 and I m just started my medical studies and her family is tooo rich.actually I m not poor but from a middle class family.what should I do to win my love and convince her family and her family is against love marriage and wants her to marry quickly?pls help

  140. i m 23 year old girl…i belongs to brahmin family and ma soulmate he is sc…our parents r not allowing us to marry wid each other bt i m trying bt ma partner”s parents searching girl for him nd he dun want to hurt them …..he also dun wants to hrt me…
    what should we do…..

  141. hi pls help me loveindia :-(
    I am rajput n my love is brahmun n m in love wid my BF since two years…we both love each other a lot…bt d problm is dis that my BF is saying dat we can’t hve marrge in future b’coz of my parents..bt my parents allowd me to marry him…he is also so cnfused dat wht to do…pls tel d way dat how to cnvnce his parents…his parents is against lv mrrge

  142. am 18yrs old n ma bf is 34yrs old,he propose marriage to me bt ma parents are against it,they said dat he should wait bt his mind is already made up to get married dis year.wat should I do n hw wil I convince ma parents

    1. Just 18..!! I dont think u r mature enuf to decide whom to maary and whom not to.. let alone to decide whether to marry a guy double ur age or not… In ur case, i think it is advisable to listen to ur parents. Rest is ur chioce of course.

  143. Hie,

    I want to ask one question. Pls help me.
    As I told to my parents that I want to marry with my love or boyfriend and my parents not agreeing with that. they gave me only 1 reason that his earning is not good. At this stage what should I do or I say to my parents, so that they will change their decision and agreeing with my decision.
    Pls help me.

  144. Hii,

    I am a girl from Jain family and i am 28 now and i am in love with a Bengali. We both are of same age. We are in relation from past 7 yrs. My parents came to know about him last year and they disagree. My brother is completely opposing us cos of the society and relatives. The problem is my sister has already elloped and married a Brahmin guy and my parents have accepted them. Its high time for us. Can you please help me on how to proceed with my family and how do i convince them. We don’t prefer to hurt my parents. His family has accepted me. Waiting for your reply asap as my family has already started seeing alliance for me.. PLease help me.

  145. Hi
    I tried very hard to make my parents accept my marriage with a superior caste guy but they are not even ready to listen to me we both are employees and financially settled.My father is threatening me saying if I marry that guy he will kill my MOM .So what shall i do pls help me

  146. Tommorow m going to do love marriage and i need your support guys if my parents will not allow me to stay at home i dont mind but i ll live wid my girlfriend in appartment and jaha baat hui bete ka farz nibhane ka vo mai nibhauga bahar rehke bhi so plz u guys help me out plz text me your phone number also my mail id is sagar.kapoor1309@gmail.com

  147. “…Hi, , me from bangalore, born and brought up in bangalore, working in an IT company…

    I wanted to ask some thing is it a sin to be born as an Orphan in India especially Iam having a bitter experiences , Im an orphan 30 years old male , I get scared at time wht to do with my frends advice he toook me couple of marriage mettings huff the kind of questions the girls parents ask so worst and bad , at times I feel why did I born , now a days most of the people are so bad and worst huff …

    I only pray to god I dont need anything in life just make me die after a certain age , dont want to be living after old …

    This is wht I said one off the girls parents :

    I’m not like other guys who tell lies and cheat girls, I know the value of women , I like mother tersa a lot, she is my idol and admire her always, in case if some one likes me will always be there and will support her to achieve her dreams and will be beside her always come what may happen how difficult it may be, the value of life is very precious people very often tend to frget now a days, after death what they carry I dont know and dont understand , I will always like her to be happy and will keep her happy still my last breath , this Iam not telling for sake of telling , I know the value of life how precious it is which will nt come back once lost it, anyway i think to much about it , thats how Iam ……”
    they said good story to listen, I felt so humaliting …

    Got a visa to new zealand my child hood frend asking me to get out from and come there , thinking wht to do ..

    anyway thats how life now a days only lies matters I feel

    Any advice if yu can …

    My num is 9019736400……

  148. I dont undersand why Indians are now a days so bad and no humanity and do all kind of bad and wirst things which I really feel very very sad about it when I sit back and think about it…people forget nothing is permanent , life is nt fr 100 yrs nw a days , only things is happiness and helping very poor people with funding education..

  149. Hii ,

    I am in relationship with a boy from past 4yrs , i know him since 10yrs .We want to get married now but problem here is inter-caste. I am not able to tell about my relation to my father .Can you please help me how to initiate it . A year back i told my Mom and she refused for marraige .Please help how should i confess to my Dad . I am scared to tell him.

  150. Hi …. liked your write up … and it has given me a clarity of thought… I am a hindu girl and I am in love with a muslim guy …. we both have been together for 8 years… and we are very sure that we want to get married to each other… we have spoken to our parents about the same…. and we are trying to convince them from the past one year…. they have been totally against it …. his parents are orthodox I understand their thinking but my parents have themselves eloped and got marries and have had a inter caste marriage…. they are not at all in a state of understanding us and are in complete denial. Recently I came to know that my father is in contact with my boyfriends father and have planned to get us separated at any cost…. his father has gone to the extent of saying that there will be blood shed and unnecessary loss of life and money…. I am very scared as to how to go about it as my security is at stake… I am also worried for my boyfriend…. I have tried to ask my parents to support us in all this but they have completely denied…. even if we get married we don’t know what is to come and even if we take police protection that will be for one month or so then what…. what do I do and how do I go about it …. kindly help….

  151. hi, i am 26 now. while studying i m in love with a guy who is very caring on me. when i revealled that matter to my parents they didn agree. i dont want to hurt my parents so i said i cant do wat my parents expects and wat i love to do. so i m alone in my home along with my parents. In my workplace, i m very jovial and friendly with all. By admiring me a guy came and try to be friendly with me. later his affection turns into love. At the starting i didn approve, but later my seeing his love towards me my heart changes. now i cant live without him. but i m afraid of saying it to my parents. i dono how to marry him. i thought either i should marry him or i should stay alone. but my parents is seeing groom for me. i couldnt stop it. i planned to commit suicide too. but it is not a solution i think. so i request u to give me a solution. pls help me.

  152. Hi

    Am 22 years old i got married to an iraqi my parents accepted him some how .But his parents dont know yet that he is married here in india hi mom is very strict, i speak to her as best friend of my hubby , if he tell her now she will ask him to go back to his country ,trying all possible ways to convince but BIG no he dint tell her my name yet .now she wants him get married to an iraqi girl. he cant loos his parents and me also .this feeling is really hurting when you know your love hubby is going to get married to another women .
    please help me i want my hubby i just got married 8 months back now im scared to loos him i dont have that feeling that im married .
    advice please

  153. hi…i m 23 and my boyfrnd is 26.. we have been in love for the past 4 yrs… he is working in bangalore… we both are of same caste.. i have done my schooling abroad and settled there.. i belong to a an upper middle class family.. in our case his parents are supportive…my parents are against our love…the reason my dad stands against this is that he had an affair when he was in class 11.. my dad is a very strict person… and he is about to fix my marriage with a guy whom i cant even think of accepting.. my boyfrnd is compelling me to start a life with him without my parents approval… i just dnt knw wat to do as my dad is a heart patient and he has been blackmailing me… pls do help me… plssssss…..

  154. Hi Loveinindia,

    I am writing this as this is a peak time and i really need your help in getting out of my problem.I am 28 now and i was in love since 2 years and the unbelievable fact is i am not a kind of girl who is interested in love nor a girl who encourages it.But somehow at a wrong age of 27 when i am supposed to get married,i fell in love with a guy who is unimaginable and way better guy than my thoughts.He doesn’t even leave a single source of doing anything for me to make me keep happy.Whole year he spent for my happiness leaving all his wished.Both of us are well settled in our careers too.
    Here comes the problem with my parents.Their parents are ok with our marriage.But my parents are not agreeing as its an intercaste.I begged them,cried ,tried to convince behave cruelly what not.BUt they are not ready to accept.I have a younger sis and we have a difference of one year in our age.I really love the guy and want to wait no matter what my age is.But my parents are stubborn and they want to get my younger one get married only after me..I don’t have any support except for my boyfriend and his family 100% support.I can’t leave my parents because they have given their best to do anything for us.
    But in this case they are not ready to accept whatever my condition or situation is.
    Even my boyfriend turned 30 and its time for him to get married.He is ready to wait for me if i am ready to.But i am in a typical situation where i can’t yes to him though i want to wait since i have an younger one and don’t want to spoil her life,neither want to leave my parents and get married.My heart is breaking :(..i have no one who can suggest or by my side.My parents are really stubborn. My boyfriend got a match recently and he still is waiting for me.Since i thought at least he will settle i am not giving any type of positive note from my end but at the back end i need him,i want him.No one else in the world can take care of me like the way he does and i am 100% sure about it and also conveyed the same to my parents but they are not at all ready.Please guide me…Pleaseeeee…writing all this with a crying soul :( :(:(

  155. Hi loveinindia,
    In my case I love someone who is already divorced my when came to know abt him she said no but he is saying he doesnt wants to repeat the same mistake wat he didin past. He wants me to talk to my mom once again and make her agree for our marriage but I am unable to speak to my mom abt him and I don’t wana loose him also. It’s already a long distance relationship so I can’t fix a meeting also of him n my mom plss help me.

  156. I am 24 years old, and my bf is also in the same age, i.e. 24 yrs old. I am in relationship with him from approx. 2 and a half years. He is an SC and I am baniya. I am from super conservative family where my parents even don’t allow me to go out with my friends for outing as well. I met him when I was in Guwahati. I am 2013 yr passout and from june 2013 till now, we had met only once and that is in my home only in front of my parents. I had made many attempts to breakup this relation thinking of my parents will not accept this relation, but unfortunately or you say becoz of heart, I am unable to do so. Now, it’s the time when my parents are forcing me to get marry as it is the correct age of marriage. Question arrives in front of me is that whether I will choose my love or my parents because I know my parents will not accept it because he is an SC also, he is not earning, he is doing PHD from a reputed college and I am doing job in an MNC. Please help what to do… Should I tell this my parents??? Will they understand me and my feelings??? or Should I tell him that I can’t marry him?? Please help me its a life not a game.. :'( :'( :'(

  157. hi.. i am 24 unemployed and my bf also 24 , he is working in kuwait with good package..I am christian and he is hindu.. we are in love for past two years.. we both opened our matter in home at same time.. his parents are ready for our marriage. but my parents and also my younger sisters are opposing and asking me to leave due to caste and religion… my parents are creating big scene by crying and torturing me emotionally…

    now my bf’s parents are ready to speak to my parents but my dad is not responding to them… even my sisters are crying more for me.. they are asking me to sacrifice my love for family sake.. my dad’s health condition is not going good, which was blamed that i am spoiling his health.

    after six months of struggle , i finally told them that i am ready to leave ( i boldly took this decision because my bf’s parents are coming to meet my parents… so i thaught they will agree at that time.. ) and also i have stopped sending msg mails to him.. but now he(bf) is too worried for our love.. his parents are also hurted…

    my bf called to my dad, but my dad dint picked up.. so he called to sister… my dad was irritated of his behaviour… my dad called to his dad and told that my daughter is not ready to marry your son , so you ask your son to quit his love.. like that…

    but my dad is not ready to tell them ( his parents) that he is not ready to accept our love..
    I am totally confused… and i cant leave my bf… he is my life but the same time my dad is also important for me… he is very soft.. he dint scold me for this love he just convinced me so i am ready to hurt my dad….

  158. hey love in india,
    I am facing same problem in my family but in a different way, we are three siblings and my sister is already married in rich… rich family, although she was in love with a guy of another caste, but she chose parents for love, and now she is against love marriage .
    my brother is younger than me but my parents listen to him for every decisions.
    the problem here is none of my family member is in support of me….. please help..they are torturing me…and saying that they will die..

  159. Hi loveinindia……
    I am 24 years old and he is 29 years. We both are working and have a good income. I am facing problems in making my parents understand that I can’t live my whole life without him. His parents have no objection to it. As we are Indians( though we are proud to be) caste plays an important role. I went through all the posts of love in India users but could not find a solution. M brahmin n my bf is little “lower caste” as they say, my parents are not agreeing to my marraige because they fear that they will loose face value in society. So we decided to go ahead without their permission as a result his parents made match making with the help of astrologer n found that it does not matches n girl’s parents need to do some puja otherwise it would risk my bf’s lyf. So my lyf is struck here. My bf’s parents would not proceed without this puja and my parents will never allow for marraige and puja……my parents approval is essential otherwise I can’t go ahead.
    Please, loveinindia……give me some suggestions…..,

  160. Hi loveinindia……
    I am 24 years old and he is 29 years. We both are working and have a good income. I am facing problems in making my parents understand that I can’t live my whole life without him. His parents have no objection to it. As we are Indians( though we are proud to be) caste plays an important role. I went through all the posts of love in India users but could not find a solution. M brahmin n my bf is little “lower caste” as they say, my parents are not agreeing to my marraige because they fear that they will loose face value in society. So we decided to go ahead without their permission as a result his parents made match making with the help of astrologer n found that it does not matches n girl’s parents need to do some puja otherwise it would risk my bf’s lyf. So my lyf is struck here. My bf’s parents would not proceed without this puja and my parents will never allow for marraige and puja……my parents approval is essential otherwise I can’t go ahead.
    Please, loveinindia……give me some suggestions…..

  161. hey love india,
    facing th esame proble..my age 24 and my bf age 25.belong to different caste..he is Rajput and I m a southindian..his parents have agreed over it.but mine are not agreeing.I convinced my parents four times still not agreed.from past one month convincing them..still no changes..i love him lot..but cant leave him notr my parents..my father is scared abt the society or the community,what will people say abt us when I will do love marriage.my bf earns less then me,but I know that his salary and my salary combined together we can manage…but convincing family is going difficult for me..just help me out

  162. Hi
    I am facing a similar problem. In a relationship with someone from last 7 years. Cant imagine my life without him. But his parents wont agree and so much has already happened at his house due to his sister’s love marriage plea(which was not accepted, she was also in a relation from 8 yrs. But parents didn listen and is doing her arrange marraige). Now my bf knows his parents will never agree and is breaking up with me.. But i cant let this happen. I dont know what to do when he is so broken that wants to end it now and we both are above 26.
    Please help.

  163. Iam 23 now and Iam yeldest son in family iam a muslim .my dad and mom are totally against of love marriage.iam in relationships with a muslim girl who works with me and iam 100% committed to her I love her I dont wana lose her shes 22 now her parents are in hurry to find grome for her .I have no way left I have to convince my parents any how I informed all about my relationship to my mamy she has also played her role she told all about my girlfriend to my mom.my mom is very hard to convince. She knows evry thing about my relationship but never intracted to me face to face all she comunicate is in indirect way like “if any body think to do love marriage door of my home are closed blah bah”iam confused what do now .iam earning now working for mnc.but major consern is my mom how do I tell her she is very strict plss help me I have very less time ?

  164. Hey… i hav a different issue… the parents of d girl whom i want to get married with thinks that i belong to a SC as my caste is nt well known (khamar)… whereas i belong to general category.. is there any proof .. ny document available anywhere so that i can prove to them that i belong to generak caste???

  165. Hi. we are in relationship from last 5 years. My family know him little bit .but i have not told my family abt our relationship previously . now the problem is that 2 years ago some of our neighbors disclose our relationship in front of my mom and he said something negative abt me to my family. bcz of this that time we had done breakup for all these. but after 1 year we get in touch and start talking to each other and now we are again in a strong relationship and meanwhile i also tried to tell my family that he is a nice guy but my family doesn’t understand. Now i told them i want to get marry him bt bcz of past issues , they are not satisfied. They think that he is not a nice person and i have took wrong decision bt they don’t understand the feelings of love. They even don’t want to talk to him. What should i do.

  166. I’m a Brahmin girl.. And my bf is SC.. My parents r against our marriage.. They r saying that if we marry . society n relatives will disown them . and my younger brother and sister will not get marry due to my step.. Plz help.. I have 2 sisters and one brother

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