Is my boyfriend/girlfriend serious about our relationship?
You’ve been sad for months. You have given your heart and soul to your boyfriend/girlfriend, you’re convinced they’re the man/woman of your dreams but they don’t quite seem to reciprocate your feelings. Do they feel the same about you as you feel about them? Read on to find out.
1.Meet my friend Neha!
Does your boyfriend/girlfriend refer to you as a “friend” instead of their “girlfriend (boyfriend)”/ “fiancé” to most outsiders? It’s true that in India some people are embarrassed to admit that they’re in a relationship. But you can make out whether the real reason behind your boyfriend/girlfriend’s denial of your relationship is shyness or something else. Especially if you’ve brought this up with them already and they’re still insisting on trying to deny your existence as their boyfriend/girlfriend, it may be time to be alert.
2.Take your hands off me or get killed!
They’re uneasy being seen in public with you. They’re seriously offended if you even hold their hand while you’re outside. They once quarreled with you for kissing them on the cheek in front of others. Their attitude hurts you a lot. But you’re trying to “understand them”, to “adjust”. You’re telling yourself, “We just happen to have been born with different levels of shyness.” But what you’re choosing to overlook is that if someone’s really in love with you they’ll certainly not cause your suffering knowingly. Another telltale sign.
3.Relationship status: Single!
They refuse to mention their relationship with you under “relationship status” in Facebook/Orkut. When you enquire about it they give insubstantial excuses like they don’t want other people to know everything about their life, they have their relatives/parents on their friend-list who they don’t want to know about their relationship, etc. There’s something that you should know here. One of the litmus tests of being in love is feeling proud of it and wanting to tell everyone about it. (It’s just this instinct of people in love which the social networks have harnessed with their “relationship status” feature!)
4.Meeting parents? Not yet.
You’ve never met or talked to anyone from their family even though you’ve been in relationship for quite some time now. If you express interest in meeting them your partner says, “Ok we’ll do it next weekend,” but that weekend never comes. They might try many variations of excuses-“My family is rather conservative”, “It’s better to tell them just before marriage,” “We’re from different castes/sub-castes/races, I need some time before I can bring it up with my parents,” etc.
5.Your friends & family who?
They never ask you about your family, how you grew up, who are your friends etc. Even if they’ve met your friends they’ve not seemed too interested in them. And if you’ve gotten a chance to find out-they’ve not remembered the names of most of them. Lack of interest in things closely associated with your whole being-your childhood, your family and your friends-indicates lack of interest in the person that’s YOU! If they’re not interested in understanding you, they probably don’t have too many plans regarding your relationship.
6.You dance Odissi? Or Salsa?
Along the same lines as point #5, they’re not interested at all in your passions and hobbies. Do you find yourself reminding them to read your blog again and again? Are you sad about the fact that they’ve never asked you about your favorite genre of music? Do they often fail to even remember what your hobby is? Doesn’t sound like your potential life-partner to me.
7.Boom! Watch out for the splinters of our plans!
You’ve planned for months and weeks for a nice little beach getaway during the Diwali holidays which you’d decided on together. All this while you’ve been telling them of your plans with great enthusiasm and joy and anticipation. Come Diwali and boom! They just blow up your plans (and you, in the process). They’ve just decided not to go away from their family during this auspicious period. They’ve just decided to use this break for getting up to speed on their studies. You’re of course devastated. But who cares?
8.Did I tell you I was moving to New York?
They never consult you on major decisions-decisions which you’d ideally like to take together. They inform you after making the decisions, when you’re left gaping, thinking, “I never had wind of it!” If it’s something you don’t agree with, they reason it’s too late to change their decision now.
If your partner displays any of the above symptoms it’s time you brought it up with them and talked about it openly. If they show four or more of the eight behaviors mentioned above, they’re probably not thinking of a future with you. If you’ve become emotionally involved with them bring it up with them NOW. Tell them openly that you’re convinced that they’re not serious about the relationship and you are. Suggest taking some time off from each other for re-assessing what each of you want from the relationship.
Don’t agree with me? Why don’t you leave a reply to let me know?