I once got dumped.
There. You have it – my unequivocal confession.
The worst part was that we were just about twenty days into the relationship (if you can call it a relationship) when he decided this wasn’t what he wanted.
What’s even worse is that I was madly in love with him. Well, madly doesn’t even begin to describe it.
And I let it. May be because I was so mad, I couldn’t make any attempts to wish it away by telling myself, “I’m fine” and “He’s not so important”. ’Cause these would be lies.
So I acknowledged the piercing pain and loss.
I avoided all things him…
…Like plague. Not doing so would’ve been more dangerous to me than plague at the time.
I avoided the restaurants we visited. Even whole parts of the city. Even the music I used to listen to in that period.
And I don’t know if you believe this – even discussions of the industry he worked in.
I sought support
I was devastated. Broken. Over.
Or so I felt.
I had no option to “grieve silently”. I couldn’t bear the avalanche of pain that was crippling me. So I immediately contacted my (real) friends and cried my heart out on their sturdy and trusting shoulders.
Note that I said real friends. I think even letting the fake ones know about it would’ve been disastrous.
I actively formed other connections
No, I’m not talking about a nutty rebound confusion. (My madcap mind had that bit of sense still left in it.)
I dug out old friends in Mumbai. I simply called them up and wanted to meet.
Those of you who know me can imagine how uncharacteristic of me this was. That’s how desperate I was to hold on to something.
And a good thing too, ’cause it helped numb the pain.
I focused on myself.
I was forced to.
I had completely lost myself in those twenty days (yes I’ll definitely tell you all the stories sometime). He had become the sole purpose of my life to the utter exclusion of everything else (I know I’m crazy, but be honest – that’s part of the reason you love me. ;) ).
So when God disappeared I was forced to turn all that focus, energy, attention somewhere. I chose myself.
I rekindled my long forgotten love for reading and music. I sought beauty in whichever place I visited. I tried to give myself freedom – freedom from the past and freedom to embrace the good things of the world.
I gave him a piece of my mind
Woohoo! This is the fun part.
He made the mistake of calling me one day to say sorry. (Yes! I was evil-ly waiting for this!)
As per the advice of one of my (real) friends, I made full use of this opportunity.
I still don’t know whether I was able to make him really feel sorry, but I sure felt relieved.
All of the above …
… Helped lessen my pain and helped me inch towards normal.
About 5% of the way.
That experience taught me that if you’re really in love, all the self-help methods of the world are only going to help you so much.
The rest – you have to leave to time. There’s a reason they call her (or him?) the best healer.
So what happened eventually?
Eventually… I got into a rebound relationship. (Yes, I did make that mistake against the good advice of all my friends and family.)
There was just this tiny bit of saving grace – this was with the same guy who had dumped me.
One year later I married him.
Now don’t get greedy for getting your hands on my priceless “Proven Ways of Getting Your Ex Back” for free. Let me think up a killer business plan to launch it as a premium course… :P