How to Forget Someone You Love: 7 Rules

Young people dealing with a recent break up often ask me, “How to forget someone I love?”

Breaking up with someone you truly loved will remain one of your most significant life experiences. The process of forgetting someone you loved can break you. Or it can transform you into a stronger, more balanced and more mature version of yourself, with a much higher potential for choosing and creating deeply fulfilling relationships in the future. Here are 7 basic principles you should keep in mind as you strive to forget someone you loved.

How to forget someone – Rule #1. Don’t stay in touch

There are many ways of forgetting someone you love. The one way which will ensure you can’t forget them ever is continuing to “stay in touch” with them. It’s dangerous because human emotions are irrational, and staying friends with someone we have romantic interest in makes us falsely believe – usually in spite of ourselves – that they’re somehow somewhere available when they’re not. It makes us always available to them as a fall back option. (Be honest – if your ex wants you back you’d only be too happy, right?) And most importantly, the cycles of getting your hopes high and disappointment sap all your emotional energy and don’t give you anything to show for it.   

How to forget someone you lovePhoto by Staydazzled

How to forget someone – Rule #2. Don’t force-hate them

Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to hate someone you want to forget. Hating someone puts them at the centre of your life, and doesn’t let you forget them. The key is to shift your focus away from them instead. Lies you don’t need to tell yourself if you don’t believe them already include:

“I never loved them.”

“They’re evil.”

“I was too good for them.”

Instead tell yourself, “Everything has its time. I’m happy for the good times I had with a certain individual. The time for that person in my life has now passed and it’s time to look forward.”  

How to forget someone – Rule #3. Focus on yourself

The best way to shift your focus from something/somebody you want to forget is to channel it into something you can love with equal passion. Focus on that most neglected but most important guy/girl – yourself. Now is a great time to take a fresh look at your life. Concentrate on the gifts of singlehood.

Re-evaluate your life goals. Is there something you can do differently?

Jump headfirst into that hobby you’ve always wanted to pursue.

Take that short trip you’ve never had time for.

This is a great time to learn to find happiness within yourself – something that can see you through all future emotional challenges.

How to forget someone – Rule #4. Don’t try revenge  

Holding on to your dignity at all costs is liberating. Keep those vengeful urges at bay. If you try to take revenge at this moment of emotional upheaval, you’d likely do things you’d regret immensely once you’ve gained your senses back. More importantly, it would tell your ex how important they still are to you – not the kind of ego boost you need to give them.

How to forget someone you lovePhoto by F.M.N

How to forget someone – Rule #5. Open up  

It’s OK to feel shock, pain, anger etc. after a break up. Bottling up all of that can be detrimental to your emotional health. Open up to friends and family. If you don’t want to share this with anyone post your story anonymously in online forums and gather warmth from other members (these communities are usually very supportive). You can even start keeping a journal or a private blog.

How to forget someone – Rule #6. Don’t trust indiscriminately   

After a deeply debilitating experience like a break-up, you’d remain in deep shock and pain for a while. You might have tendencies to talk to anyone who’d listen. But this is dangerous, ’cause you’re at your most vulnerable at this point and might unwittingly reveal more than you should to not-so-trustworthy people around you. Make sure you connect only with people who you’re 100% sure of, like family or long-term friends.  

How to forget someone – Rule #7. Don’t try rebound   

Don’t jump into rebound. You’re emotionally unstable at the moment. If you get into a rebound relationship out of your desperation, the chances of making mistakes are very high. It would also be rather unjust to the person you involve, as you’d be using them as a replacement for someone else. No one deserves that. And most importantly, this would cement your belief that you can’t function without having “someone in your life”. You’d have deprived yourself of an opportunity to find stability and fulfilment within yourself. That’s something which is essential before you can even begin to assess your needs from a future relationship.

As I mentioned, how you forget someone you love will always remain one of your defining experiences. Make sure the process of forgetting someone enriches you, rather than destroying you.  

55 thoughts on “How to Forget Someone You Love: 7 Rules”

    1. Of course it’s tough Suresh… I’m not sure you’d even want to… But you would need to, for your own well-being and theirs. That’s why I’d never recommend forcing yourself into hating someone you loved. Why would you? They gave you some of the best times of your life! But you’d still need to move on.
      Thanks for commenting. :)

  1. Thanks for another awesome post. You always write fantastic articles. You have made me your fan. Every day I wait for your thoughtful articles. In this post all the seven points that you have putted here are very effective for the overcome from a break up, but the point no 3. is the most essential and useful way to forget some one. One can not forget some one until he/she get involves in some other works. Don’t let yourself available to miss that person, it will ultimately gives you pain. Make some new goal and keep yourself busy in that and you will automatically get away of that bad memories.
    One thing I would like to recommend instead of missing that person try to find some one new but initially just make friendship and do not involve emotionally. take some time and know each other then if you feel he/she is suitable for you tell your feeling. But please remember that initially most of the people used to show them loveable and caring and as the times passes they change their behavior, So take your time to make some one special.

    1. Thank you for your appreciation Riyaz. :)
      Someone new … yes, but like you’ve said – only if you’re making friends – NOT if you’re looking to “hook up with someone” as a band-aid to your pain. They don’t deserve it. And you don’t need to make another hot-headed mistake either.

      1. Its not possible..i had tried alot..my heart always hell speak for hope..that she will some how some what some time will back..and henceforth again in memories of her…i m way to suicide….cant control to self

  2. Love is sweet part of live & people wish to fall in love with someone & when they fall in love & as they come close to someone they begin to dislike something activities & hobbies of partner ! When time turn to come of break they easy do break up & after break they feel real pain of love. Well Forgetting someone in love isn’t easy task ! I appreciate this post with great tips & trick to Forget Someone You Love & I hope this tips can really help o forgot someone.

    1. Well basically this is for people who’ve been dumped. You can love someone with all your heart, but you can’t force them to love you back. You have to respect whatever is their decision about you, even if it crushes you within. This is for people in that situation.

  3. really nice topic….whatever things you have mentioned n this article is very worthy….but still its very tough to get away from the one we love to the core….sometyms we really dont knw whether has to give up??? or to be n touch with dat person????

    1. Excellent point Hema. You’re right – the real challenge is when you don’t know whether to give up or not. Well I guess it’s always best to continually strive to find certainty, one way or the other. Uncertainty literally breaks people.

  4. is it normal to have feelings for some one for 3 years without even having a single complete conversation with her during the same time????

  5. I want to like add a point in this post :-

    PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO LOVE SONGS OR SAD SONGS FOR SOME TIME- It’ll make your condition worse. (Words of experience :-) )

  6. its a very helpful post for those who had been dumped by their partners….but mam mine is not the similar case. i love her a lot and i know she loves me more than that but our family and society does not approve this relation and i know this truth very well….i also made her realize this fact with the best of my efforts and finally we decides that we still remains best of freinds but not in relationship. Now we are trying to move on with our lives but its very painful for both of us to accept this situation and its only getting worse day by day……i dont understand what to do now, should i completely cut away myself from her or is there any other way to cope up with this situation?
    i need some serious help…plzzzz

    1. Ashish, to tell you the truth, remaining friends with someone you want to forget is really not going to help. If you really want to move on, you need to cut off contacts, at least for the time being. If after a few months you still feel you can be friends with each other WITHOUT hurting yourselves emotionally, only then you should rekindle your friendship.
      The Love in India community and I are always there by your side dear. All the best.

  7. Its getting harder to forget her day by Day… am trying hard, But all in vain
    Our moments Spent together is not letting me forget her..
    What should I do??? Help me…. Please

  8. Prachurjya dude,

    Don’t sweat on it…you love her that’s a good thing..continue loving the good memories you had with her…the pain you feel that indicates you are very much alive and emotionally capable to fall in with love with someone in near future..just don’t rush and try things…don’t try to forget that girl dude…she was part of your life..may be for good reasons…

    1. Hahaha.
      Noh il never fall for anybody else.. Because i love her now also…she is my life…But the thing is she left me few days ago because of her family…Her dad dont want her to love somebody rather want her concentrate in her studies…. And for her happiness i decided that il go away from her life…she wants to be my friend…just friends…but i know if we become friends she will be unable to move on in her life…we had a relationship of about 2.5yrs… But for her benefits i am going away from her… Dats the reason

  9. i was in love with one guy due some reason i myself force to go away from him it is so difficult but this post was quite good for me thanks

    1. It’s unfortunate but I believe in your approach – let’s do the best with the reality that we have instead of crying over what we don’t have.

  10. Hmmmmm… :)
    You are right…. And i am not crying now… I am okay..
    And Bdw yesterday one of our common friend told me tat She is happy now.. And what else i want.. If she is happy then m also happy.. Now i can move on and live my life freely.. No worries.. Because i have got what i wanted.. Her Happiness..

    Thankyou Everyone for your supports.. :)

    1. Prachurjya, I”m really proud of you. You’re one of the strongest and softest people I’ve come across, wrt relationships. You’ve taken the right stance – be grateful for the good times you’ve spent and look forward from here on. God bless.

  11. There was dis guy hu was so friendly 2 me and i tuk it for love. He added so mch value 2 my life and made me feel loved, because thr was a point in time, that I felt no one loved me. When he discovered that I was moved by emotions, he told me to forget him. Since then, life has not been the same .It’s bin four months now, but the scar hasn’t gone off my mind. It seems I can’t do without him. I feel so stupid and don’t know what to do right now. Worst of all, he still asks after me, and I’ve cut off all contact wit him.News had already spread that am dating him and I don’t know how to face the shame.

  12. Hi,I’m posting my story.I was in a relationship.after 1 year I felt some problem with my boyfriend.I discussed it with one of my best friend.he was also in love problem and he broke up.After he broke up I realised that I like him.he cared me all the time.then after 1 month he proposed me.he knew that my relationship is at its end and also I like him.after that day he was very busy.he text me twice in a day.he was just changed.now I’m trying to make me busy.but all time I think about him.always I look at my cell if there is any message or call from him.I’m trying to get rid of this situation.but it makes me more helpless.I cry all the day.please help.

  13. At last i can try to forget someone, she was just a dream for particular Time in my life,
    Thanks for sharing Good Ideas

  14. I love someone truly madly n deeply..nd she too loves me a lot…we were in a relatnship for 2.5 years bt nw unexpectedly she broke up wid me nd mst probably due to family problem…nw she always says painful words to me nd it hurts me a lot…..i wnt to forget her….i m nt able to concentrate on my studies.what should i do?

    1. A thumbrule of handling pain: Ask yourself, “How would I feel about this five years from now?” Most life situations which make us terribly angry/sad/stressed fail the five year test. Meaning if you ask yourself that question, you’ll realize the event won’t have the slightest effect on your life five years down the line. Once you have that clear in your mind you can breathe easy. Yes it’s a difficult situation, but that’s not a really life-changing, damaging event. So you can handle it, right?
      The next step is to relax. Focus on the good things in life. Indulge in your hobbies, read those books and watch those movies you’ve always longed for. Basically put yourself, your own wellbeing and your own happiness at the center of your life.
      HEre’s something to help you: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/being-single-enjoying-singlehood/
      All the best. :)

  15. Really great article.
    Sometimes what happens, you love someone but you can’t tell him/her. By the time he/she gets his/her life partner and you are left with a broken heart, unfulfilled life.
    I am going through this kind of situation right now. But your article, somehow, give me the energy to hold my life again. I have realized there are so many things in my life to take care of, my parents, friends, road side dogs ( yes i m a doggy lover) etc.

    Thanks again.

  16. Actually by his force I got into a relationship but after that I liked him and m scard that my family wont accept him so I told him lets break up but he is ready to do anything for me but m scard that he wil take any wrongsteps ??

  17. I had to lose my friend with none of her mistakes. I behaved very immaturely with her, continuously trying hard for 20 days to get her back. But Now i think i have lost her forever in my life.
    She believed nd trusted me so much.
    Still I keep on blaming myself and am not able to get out of this.

  18. hiee…this is reality.its really very tough to move on when you love someone so deeply but we should accept reality .Everything happens for a reason. someone come in our life not for life time.he just come to do some specific changes in us.i turely understand the feeling of love when you missing his voice, his smile, keep on thinking the reason why he did so? .but everything has a saturation point .one day
    you also feel saturated . stop feeling his presence around you.stay busy .stay beautiful.very yourself . your dreams .your friends ..make smile others..one day you will grow more stronger, genuine, practical person. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

    1. Yes mam I Agee with u but all things depends on our nature and circumstances.what I m is the grosstotal of my past experiences that prepared a special philosophy of life and principles to measure my preferences.

  19. We were very close and loved very truly.. when we opened this to both of our parents..
    Lots of problem arise.. since she is from other religion….. Only option is to go alone and stay with her away from our parents….. I talked to her father, her father begged me to leave her and not to talk to her …

    So we decided not to talk…. and live for parents…

    Really i cant bare this pain… Each and everything remainds of her… i want to forget her…. I want to forget her completely.. i am not normal….

    I followed the above steps.. but still… cant restrict her thoughts…. I am sure she may also feel the same… because she was more caring and affectionate than me… its about 3 months we stopped talking… but still its pains a lot…………

    I never thought love will be this much painful… I want to forget her….. how to get rid of her thoughts .. please say that also…

    Just when i see a girl.. her thought’s coming…

    Please help me.. wants to forget her….

  20. I am fed up with this love. Please advise me how can i remove her from my heart and from my mind.I tried all the tips, but i failed.

  21. Its really vry hard to forget the one whom we love more than ourself :-( I think that trying to forget or to hate someone we love shortly gives a meaning that our love for them was not true & genuine. when we are in love surely we will give many promises,mostly we used to tell them ‘I love you even u hates me & I love you till my last breath’.so here trying to forget ot trying to hate them breaks the promise & make our love for them a false & fancified one and not true & soul love

  22. i loved her with my life

    i cant get angry on her the only thing i can do is love her till end of my life

    people see me like a fool as i am not practicle and old fashioned

    is that true?

  23. Hello,
    Well i dont knw about rest but mine is a complicated story.
    My girlfrend came in my life in 2009 and we were happy until may 5 2014 and then suddenly she told me that her parents are forcing her to marry someone as she is 2 yrs older to me and is settled and m still in my final year of grads. So i thought that lets not push the relation as it doesnt have future but after some time i found that she already cheated me with her boss and she was meeting other guys as well before breakup. And yesterday i found that der is a guy who is 3 yrs older to him and is settled and she had falllen for him and she left me because of him. She still talks to me but its me who dies to talk to her. I cant forget her and i dnt wnt too but because of this i ma not able to concentrate in my studies and my xams are on July mid of this year. Unfortunatley i dont have good friends to share my grief and dont have time for any trip now…. What should i do ????
    Plz Mam help me out i really need something so that i can come out of her and start my life

    1. U know u r standing on a line of destruction n u r nly the savior of ur life …..I dnt want to sae u much bt jus wnt u to think these four ques. Deeply….
      1) Do u again want that girl who cheated u.?
      2)Does she really deserve ur love?
      3)is this the nly girl left in tis world for u?
      4)And last do u have the power to show that, u also cn move on n get a real treasure?
      Bro life in the second name of lemon so make lemonade n think wat ever happens it happens for good . Thnks to god that he showed u real truth otherwise ur life would always sucked u……

  24. I loved a girl. But I didnt proposed her. Recently I came to know that she is in a deep relationship with my best friend. Please tell me how to forget that girl.

  25. Hi.. your post is good enough… but wen it comes to practical its really painfull to cope up with the situation… next to impossible… i am trying since couple of years, but at the end… somehow wen i distance myself from him…..again like destiny he comes in front of me…. i dont know wat step should i take to completely take him out of my mind and heart…. after couple of days time, again all that past haunts me and it really pains as if glass pieces pierced into my heart……..i need a final solution..i need help ……..do reply

  26. Really great post but in my situation i wil meet him daily bcoz we both r wrking in same ofz thn hw can i able to move on… he is everything to me but nw he wants to move out from this relationship…i dono wat to do..i love him to the core… for his happiness oly am trying to come out from this relationship but i cant pls help me..

  27. Hello,

    mera aaj he break up hua hai…meri frnd ne mughse bol diya usko mughse koi relation nahi rakhna..Hamara more than 1 year k relation thaa..

    Maine usko samghane ki puri koshih ki aise ek dum pura rishta khatam mat karo, but woh nahi mani…Kehti hai…mai ab or continue nahi kr paongi…

    Mai bahut pareshaan ho raha hu…samgh nahi aata kya karu..bahut ro raha hu..bahut zyada…man nahi lag raha …tabiyat bhi bahut kharab ho rahi h…

    But usko yeh sb pata hai..den she not forgive me…;;

    Ankit Bhatnagar…

  28. OMG…. i thought im only suffering from this pain… but many are facing pain like me.. but its really very v. v. difficult to stop talking, thinking about him… bcoz he is my life.. but now he is not mine.. what to do?? i hv to face dis situation with heavy heart n tears in eyes.. how to stop thinking abt him? he only made my life colorful but now he is d reason for dark in my life…

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