Relationship – Page 9 – Love in India

10 Tips for Writing a Love Letter

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but Indians are crazily romantic. Did you know that a whopping 37% of the people who’re Googling the phrase “love letters” every month are Indians? Thirty seven percent (165K out of 450K)! I know-‘whopping’ doesn’t even begin to describe that. Anyway, let me share a few points that I feel you should keep in mind while writing your next love letter.

Photo by markhillary

1.Get in the mood

Nothing affects our mood as much as music. Put on some really romantic music when you sit down to write a love letter. (I have some on even now, as I write this post!)

2.Greeting

Don’t be shy to start the letter with “my sweet sweetheart”. Or some special name that you use for him/her. It makes the letter immensely personal and special-not just another love letter, something particular to you two as a couple.

3.Their signs

Why are you writing this love letter today? Did anything happen today that reminded you of them? Any tiniest of tiny things-a familiar fragrance, a phrase someone used in casual conversation? Put it down. It’s bound to bring a hint of that crease on their lips.

4.Mementos

Spray his/her favorite perfume on the letter, put petals of a flower they’d given you long back, stick the wrapper of a candy they might’ve given you in the past/you might’ve shared…Putting mementos inside the letter is another way to make the letter unique.

Photo by RonAlmog

5.The first moment

Describe what had first attracted you to them, how simple words spoken by them had created tornados in your heart, how you used to feel restless waiting for them…Nothing makes us feel more romantic than reminiscences of the heady days of first love.

6.Special moments

Was there a moment when you experienced intense emotional and physical feelings to see him/her or to hear their voice for the first time over the phone? Or when they said something special/intimate to you? Describe those feelings. It takes you closer to their heart.

7.Signing off

Put all your heart in the ending too. “With all the love of my heart.-Nisha”, while might sound mushy to you, will surely go close to the other person’s heart.

8.Use mother tongue

If you both speak the same language. I know it’ll probably be excruciatingly embarrassing sometimes. But if you want to really touch their heart, try it.

9.Dates!

Don’t forget to date the letter. Imagine what a treasured memento it’s going to become should you end up in a permanent relationship!

10.Paper and stationery

Don’t forget to use special paper and envelope for your special letter. Download them here for free.
Any particular tiny little thing you did in your love letter which was dearly appreciated by your loved one? Let us know by leaving a comment.

5 Tips to Handle Intercaste Relationships

Caste-the blade that has driven deep scars across hearts and lives.
Caste-the poison that has split families.
And caste-the knife that’s drilling into your soul every moment: “I’m an XYZ. But he/she is an ABC. Now what?”

Photo by Kjunstorm

When I sat down to write this post about intercaste marriages and relationships I was really not sure what to write. I personally renounce castes completely and utterly, so I can’t write a “pros and cons” type of article on anything related to the caste system in India. It’s like trying to pen down the pros and cons of being racist against blacks. So I’ve decided to help people in intercaste relationships convince their parents of their decisions. Without taking more of your time, here goes.

Be prepared

Prepare yourself before you go in for The Discussion. Anticipate the concerns your parents might have regarding your intercaste marriage. Write them down one by one if possible. For example, they might fear adverse reaction from relatives, or they might believe that intercaste marriages don’t work or that children of intercaste marriages face problems. You must anticipate these and have counterarguments prepared.
Your parents will probably react emotionally when you first tell them that you want to get married to someone from a different caste. NEVER react back. Losing your cool is never an option if you’re hoping to convince anyone of anything. Calmly request them to articulate any specific concerns that they have. Use your preparation to talk the matter through with them at this point.

Evidence always works

Take time to research as many examples as possible of happy intercaste couples and unhappy same-caste couples among your friends and acquaintances. Use these while discussing your relationship with your parents. Try to pin down some reasons for the success or lack of it between these couples and explain how none of these reasons could be connected to caste.

Photo by Sara Björk

Back to the basics

This point is a bit extreme, but it works because sometimes in our folly we’re unable to see what’s right in front of us.
Turn to history. Remind your parents why the caste system was originally started-for classifying people belonging to different professions. In today’s world this basic reasoning behind the caste system has zero significance since majority of the people belonging to different castes have not continued in their “caste-professions”. And so, caste as a way of categorizing people has lost basis. Do more research. Cite examples of people like Dr. Meghnad Saha who have proven the baselessness of caste lines by doing things totally outside the identity boxes they were “cast” in.

A helping hand

Turn to that cousin/uncle/bhaabi of yours, who’s always been your close friend and whose judgment your parents trust. Introduce your “him”/ “her” to them and then request them to bring the matter up with your parents.

Decision

Never, never, NEVER start the discussion of your relationship with your parents if you have even 0.01% of doubts yourself. If you go to discuss your possible intercaste marriage with your parents and come back convinced of its futility, the next day you’ll meet your boyfriend/girlfriend and regret your reaction. And then this cycle will continue until you lose confidence completely in your own ability to take decisions. It’s crucial for you, your parents and your significant other that you have absolute clarity about what you want.

Tried all the above methods but your parents just won’t budge? Try Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!

Love At First Sight-Does it Really Happen?

Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you ever had that warm mushy feeling within the first few minutes that you had seen someone for the first time in your life?

Photo by *~Dawn~*

The practical ones among you are probably rolling your eyes but researchers say it can happen. In 2004 scientists at the Ohio State University conducted an experiment to explore the nature of the feelings between people who’ve just met each other. Even though the experiment was conducted on same-sex couples (no, seriously not what you think), i.e. with “friendship” as the basic relationship, the results can also be applied in case of romantic love.
164 students were divided into same-sex couples and allowed to spend three, six or ten minutes with each other. Then they were asked to fill a questionnaire describing what they had in common with their partner in the pair, whether they’d liked them and their predictions about the future of the relationship. Nine months later it turned out that the people who’d predicted a better connection between themselves and their partners actually ended up being in a closer relationship than those who didn’t.
This observation matches perfectly with the conclusion Earl Naumann makes in his book Love at First Sight: The Stories and Science Behind Instant Attraction. He says-on the basis of rigorous research, including 1500 in-depth interviews-that love at first sight happens only to those who believe in it. Well that’s a no-brainer given the belief-driven way in which the human mind works. What’s astounding though, are two other numbers:
1. 55% of the people who experienced love at first sight ended up marrying the same person.
2. 75% of those marriages worked, i.e. didn’t end in divorce-a whopping 25 percentage points more than the average US divorce rate of 50%.
So if you have felt that strong emotional connection with someone you’ve just met, you don’t need to be wary. Just go for it! This might just be ‘it’.

The Ideal Time to Propose to a Girl

You’ve probably heard of the famous love quote-“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.” Sure, if there’s a girl you’ve begun to like you should let her know. But when? Here are some telltale signs to look for before you propose her.

1.You’re not just another person in her life

Are you one of those guys who spend one month admiring their crush from a distance while she doesn’t even know you exist? If that is the case then now is certainly not the right moment to propose. You don’t think accepting a total stranger as your boyfriend/girlfriend is really cool, do you? Neither does she. So if she doesn’t know you right now, let her know you.

Photo by Darwin Bell

2. She’s friends with you

The best thing to do is to start with a ‘Hi!’ Ah you probably knew that one. Now all you have to do is to put it into action overcoming all your shyness. Start a conversation with her about trivial things. Your objective is to become friends with her-to create a situation where she’ll want to talk to you and she’ll crave your company.

3.She trusts you

Once again-forget about someone getting into a relationship with someone they don’t trust. If you propose to her before you’ve gained her trust chances are she’ll turn you down. So it’s not enough to be friends with her. You need to be in her inner circle-one of the top three. You must be the one she turns to when she needs help with something. You must be the one she likes to hang out with most often. In short, you need to ‘build it up’- cultivate a liking (not necessarily romantic) for you in her mind.

4. Something common

Find out about her interests and try to find something in common with her-something the two of you can talk about. If you really have nothing in common read up on her interests so that you can have a meaningful conversation about it. Of course, if you’ve met her at your school/college/workplace this point is irrelevant because you already have something in common which you can talk endlessly about. :D

Photo by noe**

5.You have the gut feeling

At the right time it’ll not be difficult for you to pick up the telltale signals. That smile that lights up her face when she sees you, that twinkle in her eyes…they’ll all tell you, “This is the right moment.” Go ahead and do it then. How? Check this out.

Suspicion

An ultra-popular television mini-series based on real-life incidences of crime has been going on for some time now. Creepy, isn’t it? But for some mysterious reason we humans find creepy, obnoxious and vulgarly violent entertaining…Okay, rambling filter now on.
So like I was saying, there’s this mini-series going on and one of the episodes was based on a guy subjecting his wife to mental abuse for years and then killing her. (Cummon, don’t tell me that’s shocking. Killing one’s wife is our bread and butter here in India. We even have special names for it like ‘dowry death’ etc.)
Coming back to the point (again), this crime stemmed purely out of the man’s suspicions (yes, completely unfounded) about his wife. Well eventually he turned out to be suffering from acute clinical paranoia and is now fortunately rotting in prison (unlike most of the members of the Fraternity. The Wife-killing one.)
That’s the power of Suspicion.

Photo by Allysa L. Miller

But is suspicion bad?

Not completely. What would you do if you had zero suspicions about your partner? If you were completely sure that they are just head-over-heels in love with you and wouldn’t think of so much as looking at another man/girl? You’d mistreat them. You wouldn’t give them the importance they deserve. Well at least I didn’t. No wonder that relationship ended. After years of mistreatment for the guy. Tragic, I know.

The Suspicion-holic

But the other extreme, that is suspicion for the sake of suspicion (Suspicion-holism. Yeah, the thing of the mad murderer) is what brings disaster to relationships. A phone call from another man/girl, a lunch with a long-time friend of the opposite gender, a half an hour delay in their coming back home…and you’re pulling off your hair. Bad strategy. Bad bad strategy for a healthy and fulfilling relationship (maybe also for a life outside a hospital for the mentally screwed up).

Gotcha. For life.

Now what if you actually catch your partner cheating? Well that’s the difficult part. We’ll handle it sometime. But let’s say you’ve found out that your partner is cheating and the two of you are through with all the throwing things, calling names, tears and scratches and all of that. Now what? Well of course if you break up there’s no What Now. But if, like most people, one of you decides to ‘pardon’ the other because ‘okay it has happened just once’, then you need to decide the terms of your relationship now.

Photo by jeffreyw

Unfortunately we tend to slip into the ‘Gotcha Syndrome’- treating this incidence of infidelity as a trump card against your partner. Rubbing it in every time you have a quarrel.
“Ah yes, maybe I’ve made a mistake. But at least I’m not the one sleeping around.”
“Look who’s talking!”
“I think not sharing the housework is slightly better than cheating.”
That’s not how relationships work. The choice is: breaking up or staying together. If you’ve decided, together, to not break up, then you have to be a couple in terms of being a couple, not in terms of Now-I-have-a-lifelong-upper hand.
Did you have to deal with suspicion ever in your relationships? Let me know what you learnt which you wish you had known earlier.

14 Signs: Is My Boyfriend Cheating on Me?

Are you of late wondering if something has changed in your relationship? Does it seem to you that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore? Is it possible that he’s cheating on you? This article brings to you fourteen powerful signs to tell if he’s cheating.

Photo by starush

1.Use your woman’s intuition

You have a gut feeling that something is wrong. The old spark that used to spring up into his eyes and smile on seeing you, is missing. Never ignore your woman’s 6th sense when it comes to the fidelity of your boyfriend.

2.Too many gifts

He never bought you so many gifts in your entire relationship as he did last month! This is his guilty mind trying to compensate you for what he’s doing to you.

3.Criticizing the lover

There’s someone you both know who you’re boyfriend is continually criticizing of late. Of course no affair could be going on between him and her, for God’s sake, right? Wrong. He’s just trying to make you come to that conclusion by criticizing her, who’s actually his secret lover.

4.No missing you

He doesn’t seem to miss you at all when you’re not with him. Earlier he used to call you five times a day. You used to meet almost every day. Nowadays he almost never calls you.

5.Missed calls

Sometimes when you call him, he lets the phone ring or rejects your call. Later gives unconvincing explanations.

6.Irritability, rudeness

He seems irritated all the time-anything and everything you do seems to make him angry. He’s rude with you all the time regarding trivial matters.

7.Mood swings

He’s of late earned the title of “Mr. Mood Swing”. Today he’s showing you so much affection and buying you gifts. Yesterday he made you cry with his rude words regarding something totally inconsequential. While you may be surprised by his mood swings, it’s a common effect of cheating. On the one had he’s feeling guilty about cheating you, and so trying to make it up to you. On the other he basically just can’t stand to spend time with you, because he’s not in love with you anymore, but he has to, because you’re still a couple, and this makes him very irritated inside.

8.No compliments

Earlier he would just look at you with mesmerized eyes for 10 seconds and comment that he was luckiest man alive as he has the most beautiful woman in the world as his girlfriend. But of late he’s just stopped complimenting you on your looks.

9.Email privacy

You never bothered keeping secrets from each other. You would check your emails in front of each other and leave the email account open, because you had nothing to hide from each other. Nowadays however, if you chance upon his open email account he rushes to close it and lectures you about individual privacy.

10.Password change

Some couples share email passwords. If you’re one of them, he’ll invariably change his password at this point of time. You’ll notice maybe many days after he’s actually changed it. If you ask him about it it’ll be the old “Privacy” lecture again.

11.Cell phone privacy

Same applies to his cell phone. You remember frequently teasing him saying, “Now I’m going to blow the lid off your other affairs,” and then taking his cell phone and going through all messages, only to find messages from his friends and mum. Then both of you would laugh and hug and kiss. These days his cell phone is apparently another fortress of his privacy, not to be touched by you.

12.Overreacting to inquiries

If you make perfectly normal and everyday inquiries like, “Hey honey! Where are you now?” or “We couldn’t meet last weekend because you were busy at work. So how’s the current project coming along?”, he becomes very defensive and accuses you for being over-suspicious, leaving you dumbfounded and wondering, “Suspicions about his fidelity weren’t even there at the darkest cranny of my mind…”

13.Talks of break-up

When you quarrel he frequently talks about ending the relationship, unlike before. The other day when you had a tiny tiff he said, “If you do that again don’t expect me to be with you anymore.” It was a horrible shock to you. That night you spent an hour crying into your pillow. If he’s cheating then this is an outcome of him not being in love with you anymore, and secondly of him having a fallback option.

14.Doesn’t say “I love you”

Do you remember when was the last time he said “I love you” to you? Yeah, it was around the same time that you last felt that spark in his eyes, that radiance in his smile, that eagerness in his kisses. Of late it seems that he’s there, but not really there. Emotionally he seems miles away from you.
A rule of thumb could be checking if about five or more of the above symptoms are there in your relationship. If so, don’t be too devastated to talk to your boyfriend about it, ‘cause there’s always a chance that the reason is something else. And what if you find out that he’s actually cheating? That’s the topic of another post. Meanwhile, leave a reply to tell me your thoughts.

8 Signs: Is my Boyfriend/Girlfriend Serious About Our Relationship?

Is my boyfriend/girlfriend serious about our relationship?
You’ve been sad for months. You have given your heart and soul to your boyfriend/girlfriend, you’re convinced they’re the man/woman of your dreams but they don’t quite seem to reciprocate your feelings. Do they feel the same about you as you feel about them? Read on to find out.

1.Meet my friend Neha!

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend refer to you as a “friend” instead of their “girlfriend (boyfriend)”/ “fiancé” to most outsiders? It’s true that in India some people are embarrassed to admit that they’re in a relationship. But you can make out whether the real reason behind your boyfriend/girlfriend’s denial of your relationship is shyness or something else. Especially if you’ve brought this up with them already and they’re still insisting on trying to deny your existence as their boyfriend/girlfriend, it may be time to be alert.

2.Take your hands off me or get killed!

They’re uneasy being seen in public with you. They’re seriously offended if you even hold their hand while you’re outside. They once quarreled with you for kissing them on the cheek in front of others. Their attitude hurts you a lot. But you’re trying to “understand them”, to “adjust”. You’re telling yourself, “We just happen to have been born with different levels of shyness.” But what you’re choosing to overlook is that if someone’s really in love with you they’ll certainly not cause your suffering knowingly. Another telltale sign.

3.Relationship status: Single!

They refuse to mention their relationship with you under “relationship status” in Facebook/Orkut. When you enquire about it they give insubstantial excuses like they don’t want other people to know everything about their life, they have their relatives/parents on their friend-list who they don’t want to know about their relationship, etc. There’s something that you should know here. One of the litmus tests of being in love is feeling proud of it and wanting to tell everyone about it. (It’s just this instinct of people in love which the social networks have harnessed with their “relationship status” feature!)

4.Meeting parents? Not yet.

You’ve never met or talked to anyone from their family even though you’ve been in relationship for quite some time now. If you express interest in meeting them your partner says, “Ok we’ll do it next weekend,” but that weekend never comes. They might try many variations of excuses-“My family is rather conservative”, “It’s better to tell them just before marriage,” “We’re from different castes/sub-castes/races, I need some time before I can bring it up with my parents,” etc.

5.Your friends & family who?

They never ask you about your family, how you grew up, who are your friends etc. Even if they’ve met your friends they’ve not seemed too interested in them. And if you’ve gotten a chance to find out-they’ve not remembered the names of most of them. Lack of interest in things closely associated with your whole being-your childhood, your family and your friends-indicates lack of interest in the person that’s YOU! If they’re not interested in understanding you, they probably don’t have too many plans regarding your relationship.

6.You dance Odissi? Or Salsa?

Along the same lines as point #5, they’re not interested at all in your passions and hobbies. Do you find yourself reminding them to read your blog again and again? Are you sad about the fact that they’ve never asked you about your favorite genre of music? Do they often fail to even remember what your hobby is? Doesn’t sound like your potential life-partner to me.

7.Boom! Watch out for the splinters of our plans!

You’ve planned for months and weeks for a nice little beach getaway during the Diwali holidays which you’d decided on together. All this while you’ve been telling them of your plans with great enthusiasm and joy and anticipation. Come Diwali and boom! They just blow up your plans (and you, in the process). They’ve just decided not to go away from their family during this auspicious period. They’ve just decided to use this break for getting up to speed on their studies. You’re of course devastated. But who cares?

8.Did I tell you I was moving to New York?

They never consult you on major decisions-decisions which you’d ideally like to take together. They inform you after making the decisions, when you’re left gaping, thinking, “I never had wind of it!” If it’s something you don’t agree with, they reason it’s too late to change their decision now.
If your partner displays any of the above symptoms it’s time you brought it up with them and talked about it openly. If they show four or more of the eight behaviors mentioned above, they’re probably not thinking of a future with you. If you’ve become emotionally involved with them bring it up with them NOW. Tell them openly that you’re convinced that they’re not serious about the relationship and you are. Suggest taking some time off from each other for re-assessing what each of you want from the relationship.
Don’t agree with me? Why don’t you leave a reply to let me know?

How to Impress Your Girlfriend

Are you in a relationship and want to understand her better? Do you want to know what she wants from you? Do you sometimes wish someone gave you a magic window into her world? Here are the top 10 ways to impress her and have a fulfilling relationship.

1.Make her laugh.

Yes the old saying is true. Girls do adore men with a sense of humour.

2.Compliment her on her looks.

It makes us feel feminine. A romantic relationship with a man is first of all a celebration of a girl’s femininity, which is pampered when you appreciate her beauty. But don’t fake it. Praise her looks only at those moments when she looks particularly attractive to you (we all have them).

3.Surprises.

Give her small surprises every once in a while. A simple “I’m thinking of you” e-card or a short handwritten love-letter can do the trick. We love romantic surprises because they make us feel special. A small gesture will make her feel that she’s always on your mind, that she is not lost somewhere among your mental layers.

4.Give her due attention.

Make it a point to spend sufficient time together every day. If you don’t meet every day, call. If you’re one of those men who need space, who don’t enjoy talking to their girlfriends for hours over the phone or if you’re just plain busy, make the calls shorter but don’t forget to call every day. When you’re hanging up apologize for not being able to spend more time with her. Failing to give each other due attention can become the first nail in the coffin of your relationship, especially if there’s expectation mismatch with regard to this on a continued basis. If you genuinely are too busy to find much leisure any time in the near future, this is probably not the right time for you to start a relationship.

5.Too many gifts?

Do you often find yourself presenting her with material gifts? Do you find her sullen if you haven’t gifted her anything in a while? In that case be warned-she certainly doesn’t love you. In fact even if your girlfriend never asks for gifts and really is in love with you, it’s not wise to make expensive gifts a regular part of your relationship. You know why? Because you want her to be with you only as long as she’s in love with you. If you create other incentives for being with you, chances are she’ll hang around (read make a fool of you by cheating you into believing that she loves you) even if she’s not in love with you at some future point of time.

6.Don’t play too hard to get.

If you think you can get more attention from her by playing hard to get, think again. Certainly a relationship is not the only thing in anyone’s life or mind, and neither should it be, for it to remain healthy. But if you resort to deliberate cheap tactics like not taking her calls most of the time, trying to show her that she doesn’t deserve your attention etc., then there’s a problem. Sure, these will work for a while since it’s human nature to think what’s hard to get is more valuable. But eventually she’ll leave you. That’s certain. And that’s because everything wilts, wanes and dies if it’s not nurtured, and her love for you would, too. (Unless, of course, she’s with you for any other reason than being in love with you, e.g. your money or social status! And in that case you want her to leave you as soon as possible!)

7.Don’t be too easy to get.

Unfortunately the other side of the principle I mentioned above is that it’s also human nature to be unable to value something that comes easily to us. When I was a child I used to take out all my anger on my mother, who literally is the best mum in the world and made innumerable sacrifices for me, like all mothers. Thus becoming the carpet beneath her feet (not protesting even if she’s rude to you or even physically violent with you, trying to protect her from the outside world, doing her work etc.) is not a good strategy either.

8.Parents matter.

Be respectful to her parents. This is a must, because family is something very close to our hearts. So showing disrespect to her parents is showing disrespect to her. If you disagree with them on certain points or you don’t want to accept some of their attitudes then bring it up with her in a mature, respectful, objective way. Don’t even think about making rude or insulting comments about them. Even when you’re quarrelling.

9.Don’t be controlling.

Are you dying to know the password of her email account? Do you feel a bit tensed when she’s not with you, wondering what she’s doing, who she’s meeting and who she’s spending her time with? Do you find yourself clenching your fists and gritting your teeth when you see her photos with her male friends on Facebook? If you choke her like this she’ll soon need breathing space. And that’ll give rise to lies, suspicions and eventually a grossly unhealthy relationship. The modern woman has to go out, work, meet people and have a world of her own. If you can’t accept that you’d better start working on your own attitude.

10.Male chauvinist?

Do you in any way feel that there are ways in which women are lesser than men (apart from physical strength)? In that case don’t hope to be in relationship with any self-respecting adult woman until you’re able to change your beliefs. We can feel even 0.1% of female-condescending attitude. If it’s a serious relationship and you’re planning on a life with your girlfriend, she’s going to be your life-partner. You’ll each be a parent of your children. If you’re unable to give each other exactly as much importance as you’d give yourself, then it’s detrimental to your relationship and future family.
Do you think I missed out any point? Leave a comment to let me know. :)

Top 50 Inspirational Love Quotes

Do you often wonder-what is love? Do you suspect that you’re in love and want to find out what other people have said about love? Are you in love for the first time and want to use a new love quote everyday as a status message-just to announce to the world that you’re one of the very lucky people-you’ve found love? Did you have a quarrel with your significant other and want to send him/her an sms which would surely bring a tear to his/her eyes?

If any of the above is true-read on. Here are 50 love quotes for you-I’ve included only those which have moved me inside.

If you want to be happy for a while and cry for the rest of your life play this game known as “love”. –Unknown
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.-Robert Frost
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her.’-Unknown.
I love you – those three words have my life in them. – Alexandrea to Nicholas III
My heart to you is given/Oh, do give yours to me/We’ll lock them up together/And throw away the key. – Frederick Saunders
When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever.-Unknown.
Do not love me because i love you, love me for loving me.-Unknown
Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.-Leo Buscaglia
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.-Ingrid Bergman
A baby is born with a need to be loved – and never outgrows it.-Frank A. Clark
To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.-Alphonse de Lamartine
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.-Oscar Wilde
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.-Rabindranath Tagore
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.-Woody Allen
Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.-Gary Zukav
This one brought a tear to my eyes: Infatuation is when you think that he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Connors. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford–but you’ll take him anyway.-Judith Viorst
Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.-Lao Tzu
Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.-Saint Thomas Aquinas
If only you could love enough, you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world . . .-Emmet Fox
Love’s like the measles – all the worse when it comes late in life.-Douglas Jerrold
Some people care too much, I think it’s called love.-Winnie the Pooh
Take away love and our earth is a tomb.-Robert Browning
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.-Bill Wilson
Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.-Anonymous
Love is an act of endless forgiving – a tender look which becomes a habit.-Peter Ustinov
Love is not finding someone to live with; it’s finding someone you can’t live without.-Rafael Ortiz.
The best proof of love is trust.-Dr. Joyce Brothers
‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.-Alfred Lord Tennyson
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.-Roy Croft
Love is just a word until you find someone to give it definition.-Unknown
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.-Zora Neale Hurston
Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.-Dr. Karl Menninger
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.-Pearl Bailey
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.-Jacques Benigne Bossuel
Love is not a matter of counting the years –it’s making the years-Unknown
The love we give away is the only love we keep.-Elbert Hubbard
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.-William Shakespeare
Love is a game that two can play and both win.-Eva Gabor
Our souls were split in two in heaven in order that we should find each other in this world and become whole.-Rabbi Avroham Czapnik
To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.-Karen Sunde
Love is being stupid together.-Paul Valery
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.-Aristotle
Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’-Erich Fromm
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.-A. A. Milne
To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. -Anonymous
Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I’m yours forever.-Anonymous
My love for you is a journey; starting at forever, and ending at never. – Anonymous
True Love burns the brightest, but the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.-Unknown.
Signing off with my all time favourite love quote: Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. – Neil Gaiman

Am I in love? For beginners

Ah yes I know. You’re either laughing or rolling your eyes at the title: I’m probably falling in love, not learning Excel, what do you mean beginners??

But hey! What would call the fall in love disaster: the almost-adolescent just-starting-to-sprout-facial-hairs college freshman who’s right now feeling ready to write off his young life for this sassy little female batch-mate of his who, fortunately or unfortunately for him, had given him that honey-dripping, heart-rending, impossible-to-put-in-words smile on the first day of college?

What would you call the fall in love catastrophe: your twelve year old daughter/niece/cousin who’s saving her virginity (both physically and mentally) for this tall dark handsome (and fifteen year old) super sports hero (the captain of the school cricket team)?

Or maybe it’s different. Maybe you’ve been in and out of about ten relationships already. Maybe, unfortunately for you, you’ve been married for the last seventeen years and have two kids but never “felt” in love. And then one day your luckless, Luckless eyes fell on this completely ordinary person with two extraordinary eyes and you felt exhilaration, sorrow, regret, pain, fear, epiphany all together and… That’s the fall in love tragedy.

And now all of you are wondering, “Am I in love?”

By this time you’ve already taken some of the zillions of “Am I in love” quizzes available on the Net and read the “Top 50 signs that I am in love” articles. And while you’re a little embarrassed to admit, maybe you’ve used some sort of a love calculator too. But you’re even more confused now than earlier. And that’s because while some of the symptoms you’re reading about matches with your own, others don’t.

And hence this post. I’ve decided to save you all the confusion and information overload by sieving out only the three surefire signs of being in love. I can guarantee that if you’re in love you’ll have each of these.

So what is love? Each of us can write entire encyclopedias-not blogs-on this topic and yet not be able to solve this eternal riddle. And then fall in love again.

The “Love fall”

Wait. Did you say “fall in love again”? I’m sorry, I think I missed the last definition of love that we agreed on-could you repeat?

No. We didn’t agree on “love”, we agreed on “fall”. No two love stories are the same. The only thing that’s same across love stories is the “fall”. Isn’t it funny that almost in every language of the world, two people getting together is described as “falling” in love?

Eureka! We’ve got the first one! Of the “symptoms” of being in love, I mean. The fall. You’re surely in love if you’ve felt the whoosh (mind you, not the thud, but more about this in later posts). A general feeling of exhilaration to wake up every morning, thinking, “Oh! I’m in love!” The feeling of being swept off your feet the moment you see him/her. A happy blush every time you speak of him/her to others. Being literally incapable to thinking anything else for the first one week…Did you say all of this is happening to you? Congratulations-You’re in love!

Missing you

Sheetal was telling me how much she loves Rahul-how she loves going out with him and spending time with him, how they have almost all interests in common, how she even likes his parents and they like her…But she gets mad at him only in one occasion-when he calls her and irritates her while she’s spending time with her family or friends. Or when he calls her more than once a day. It’s already been three months that they’re seeing each other and Sheetal’s getting weary of Rahul’s continued “lovestruckness”…

I think you get the point. If you’re in love, you can’t be enjoying other people’s company more than his/her. It’s not possible. Well, after all, you marry someone because you want to spend most of the time of your life with this particular person over anyone else in the world! It’s not about having common interests, it’s not about believing in similar ideologies (though these can certainly help). It’s about wanting to come back into the same arms at the end of every day. It’s about seeking out the same embrace every time in order to feel protected from the entire world…

Congratulations…and celebrations…

This point, I guess, doesn’t require any exposition. If you woke up one morning to discover you’ve magically become the owner of Microsoft, my bet is that you’ll not be “embarrassed” or “shy” about the news. True love is the billion dollar jackpot that each of us has the possibility of landing. And if you find yourself “embarrassed” of declaring it on Facebook, or of telling your friends about it, I’m sorry to break it to you buddy, but this probably isn’t “it”. Yes, you can save the “I prefer my privacy” excuses you’ve been giving yourself.

So what did you discover? Are you in love?

If you’re in love, my heartiest congratulations and best wishes.

If you’re not in love yet, I wish you luck the same. Finding true love is an exciting and enriching quest. Just make sure you don’t miss out the rainbow in your eagerness for the pot of gold at the end of it!